Ep. 4: From PTSD Back To Rainbows with Sophie Power

 

Unedited Transcript with Sophie Power

00:00.54
Katrina Collier
Ah, Sophie Power. Oh what a delight welcome to be beyond to the damage of words podcast I’m so excited to talk to you? How are you this monday.

00:05.65
Sophie Power
Oh thank you? Yeah yeah, I’m I’m very well. Thank you Super excited to be here and thank you so much for having me.

00:11.50
Katrina Collier
Good. Well thank you for being I know open enough to talk about these things that are too hidden too often. So of course I’m launching straight into this with everybody and my opening question has to be all the time like what led you to start healing like.

00:19.65
Sophie Power
Yeah.

00:29.62
Katrina Collier
What led you onto that path to go I need to do something I need some milk I just launched in I think we just get on with it who needs preamble.

00:33.70
Sophie Power
Yeah, definitely I Think yeah, why not let’s just jump right in quite um, sure. So. Typically always been a very Happy. Go lucky Optimistic glass huful energetic person ever since I was a kid. Um, Thank you? Um, you know if you ask me as a child. What my favorite color was I would say rainbow.

00:51.51
Katrina Collier
Gorgeous human.

00:58.59
Katrina Collier
Oh love it. Oh my God Love it I was thinking like yellow or something sunny.

01:00.11
Sophie Power
Um, because ah yeah, typical typical libra I couldn’t decide so I chose all of them. Um, exactly so you know that that gives you kind of paints a picture.

01:17.50
Katrina Collier
Oh.

01:18.69
Sophie Power
Um, you know of the kind of person that I I you know was still am um and ah you know working on reclaiming even more so but what led me to healing is um in 2017 um I experienced a.

01:27.90
Katrina Collier
Yeah.

01:37.54
Sophie Power
Quite a serious traumatic event. Um, ah you know, long way past it now and and you know I’m I’m safe and and that’s the main thing but it it was pretty pretty pretty horrific. Um to put it mildly and understandably.

01:38.21
Katrina Collier
Yeah.

01:49.70
Katrina Collier
I think horrific is definitely the correct word. We’re not going to talk about it though. It’s is far too private but it’s something that I hope that no listener ever experiences.

01:57.96
Sophie Power
Yeah, it’s but no, yeah, yeah, um, yeah for sure. Um, ah, but yeah, after that I understandably ah developed quite severe Post-traumatic Stress disorder.

02:15.27
Katrina Collier
And.

02:17.22
Sophie Power
It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. You know, being in my mind as as typically for most of my life been a very you know quite a fun place to be um, you know I go you know like all human beings I went through you know Rubbish periods in my life. You know breakups and.

02:27.97
Katrina Collier
Colorful, fun.

02:35.75
Katrina Collier
Um.

02:37.16
Sophie Power
You know, bad days at work and all the normal stuff. Um, bad days I’ll to be honest, they’re just they’re just funny but you know they just make fun anecdotes. Um I try you know and and that’s that’s my philosophy. You know, a lot of the bad stuff I just see as you know, just.

02:38.57
Katrina Collier
Bad dates.

02:47.55
Katrina Collier
Um, yeah experience there is that I could see you doing that. Oh I can see you doing that.

02:55.55
Sophie Power
Great if I ever decide to become a standup Comedian I’ve got lots of material. Um, yes, so my therapist said the same thing but she’s heard she’s had most of my good material so she would know um there we go.

03:06.76
Katrina Collier
The future. Yeah, but I haven’t yet. Ah, anyone has the stage. Please let us know. Ah.

03:18.54
Sophie Power
But um, yeah, so with pcsd it was the probably the first time in my life where being in my mind for a long time. A long stretch of time was a horrible place to be um.

03:25.68
Katrina Collier
9 can name agenda.

03:31.19
Sophie Power
You know I was at times hallucinating Um, ah you know proper shell shock type stuff. Um I was self-medicating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was It was sort of it could be triggered by all sorts of things. Um the traumatic event happened while I was commuting So every time I.

03:36.24
Katrina Collier
Do you relive it as well. Is it kind of on repeat gosh.

03:51.15
Sophie Power
Went to work I retraced my steps basically um, this was twenty seventeen so long before the world of of working from home which would have really helped me a lot back then? Um, and um, you know? Ah, um, yeah I certainly did that.

03:57.14
Katrina Collier
How it might have provided too much of an escape you could have withdrawn from the world fully though. So breath and bad. Yeah.

04:10.37
Sophie Power
Um, you know sort of when you know just before I got to the point where I was like let’s move towards healing and what do I need to do to get there but you know I self-medicated like a lot of people um with ptsd with alcohol ah binge eating for me I gained heaps of weight very quickly. Um, 1 minute

04:15.24
Katrina Collier
M.

04:24.80
Katrina Collier
I have.

04:29.18
Sophie Power
You know I you know and again I’ve always been a very you know, always been a very athletic ah young woman. Um, you know, swimming gymming weightlifting things I Love Um, you know I’d swim like ten K a week I just completely stopped doing all of it. Um, and ah.

04:32.79
Katrina Collier
No.

04:47.97
Sophie Power
In the space about six months I didn’t even recognize myself. Um, and ah yeah, physically yeah you know through eating for comfort and gaining weight it was like putting on a ah disguise. Um, you know an armor.

04:52.90
Katrina Collier
Sort of a hiding weren’t you It was like if I withdraw ah there can’t be a repeat.

05:02.97
Katrina Collier
Um, an armory.

05:07.89
Sophie Power
Um, you know I but felt like I wanted to be invisible and and through weight gain I felt like I became it and I think anybody who for whatever reason has sort of gone on that you know sort of that experience of gaining a lot of weight through injury. Whatever ah illness.

05:21.42
Katrina Collier
You and.

05:26.80
Sophie Power
You know? However, um, they probably will understand that feeling. Um, but I I at the time I really liked it. Um I liked being invisible. Um because I wanted to just hide from the world which is so unlike me, um, and also I wouldn’t sleep.

05:38.27
Katrina Collier
Um.

05:43.99
Sophie Power
<unk>d go a whole week with maybe a couple of hours but I’d nap here and there and it was wild like the lack of sleep that ah the psd all of that it was horrible. Um I think as well probably giving away a little bit of the nature of of what happened to me by saying this but as it was.

05:45.30
Katrina Collier
Oh my gosh.

06:03.73
Sophie Power
Bad enough that the thing happened and that was hard the court of public opinion. Um around the people that knew what happened and the things that were said to and about me around what happened were equally as hard. Um, and when we talk about the damage of words. That’s.

06:07.41
Katrina Collier
Um.

06:21.77
Sophie Power
The first thing I think of were the words and the ah the narrative that was was put to me um during that really traumatic time. Um.

06:31.21
Katrina Collier
People’s inability to be kind and compassionate and then just they’re the way they can project their self-loathing onto other people at times of need is seriously mind-blowing and I just hope so much by.

06:43.57
Sophie Power
Yeah.

06:47.96
Katrina Collier
You know people like yourself who are being so brave to share your story and to open up that people will just take it just go no enough like I’m doing that like I’m one of those people I’ve done that that I’m I’m going to go and seek help and I’m going to stop because it is such shift isn’t it when you get through it and you ah.

06:55.63
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh massively? yeah and I think it’s probably a it’s It’s interesting because it’s a lot of a lot of.

07:05.89
Katrina Collier
God It’s horrible to hear that my heart’s just like feel like I’ve just been stabbed in the heart people are just awful can be.

07:15.15
Sophie Power
Women who would probably to this back then and to this day call themselves feminists but being a woman does not make you a feminist. It does not make you a sister. Um absolutely not and I can you know even just talking about it I feel my heart rate going up so towards the end of 2017 um

07:18.69
Katrina Collier
No, it does not.

07:27.97
Katrina Collier
Yeah.

07:35.60
Sophie Power
Um, you know I decided enough was enough I’d hit you know I’d hit my kind of button point. Um, and there was one weekend where I locked myself in my flat with my cat.

07:38.72
Katrina Collier
M.

07:49.15
Sophie Power
Um, put my headphones on and I spent the entire weekend listening to miserable music eating ice cream drinking shed loads of vodka which I hate I Hate vodka. Oh um, I know right.

08:03.34
Katrina Collier
Vodka with ice cream even worse. Ah, oh.

08:06.50
Sophie Power
Just an awful combo. Um, so bad and it’s It’s so interesting like that is so far from who I am um you know, um there are no rainbows in that combination and also um, you know my friends know me as a bit of a booze snob.

08:12.47
Katrina Collier
It is. There are no rainbows in that combination at all.

08:24.12
Sophie Power
Um, even as ah, even as a teenager I’d be like oh no I’m not drinking that that’s disgusting. Um you who no I’m not drinking that that’s disgusting wine. Um, and we’d be sat in a bloody skate park. Um, but ah.

08:35.91
Katrina Collier
I Will not drink box wine I will not is was that one of the things where you went like I’ve just hit rock bottom because I’m sitting here drinking vodka that I don’t even like.

08:47.18
Sophie Power
Yeah, literally? um you know?? Ah yeah, basically I was like I was just so outfit and a Realis was kind of using using the alcohol and the eating just to dull the thoughts in my head like you know when I was drunk I I couldn’t. Think about what was going on in my head. Um, you know it was like opening a little back door. Um and climbing out. Um, which is why I was you know focusing on it. Yeah um I think no I was just.

09:04.52
Katrina Collier
Yeah. Yeah, and taking the pressure off. So Oh sorry I was gonna say like so so you’ve you hit that point and you’ve gone. Okay I need to do something How how did you go about doing something. Did you.

09:21.95
Sophie Power
Yeah.

09:28.24
Katrina Collier
Go I’m just going to find a therapist probably not but what happened like what was the next step that got you because I think the first step is the hardest step which is why this is just to encourage people to take 1 step.

09:36.65
Sophie Power
Oh definitely? Yeah, so I yeah towards the end of Twenty seventeen I decided to take back control. Ah it. It wasn’t easy. Um, you know. The hardest battle you have to fight when you have things like this is with your own mind. Um, and I have a very strong mind. Um very very strong mind. Um and and so you know I’m I’m proud of that. Um, but.

09:58.49
Katrina Collier
And.

10:05.83
Sophie Power
My mind is not in a good place that is a very hard battle to fight against for sure so due to the nature of what happened? um I was limited in the type of help I was allowed to seek out. Um I was you know for a certain period of time allowed to take ah a limited.

10:10.42
Katrina Collier
Ah.

10:13.30
Katrina Collier
And. 5.

10:24.95
Sophie Power
Number of and nhs counseling sessions. So I started with that it was Ptsd therapy so I had um cbt which I’m not usually a huge fan of truth be told. But what that did was it helped bring me out of the really act.

10:26.53
Katrina Collier
Here.

10:37.27
Katrina Collier
Um, and yeah.

10:44.28
Sophie Power
Tiff Trauma um you know it helped me we sort of did a combination of recounting and recounting and recounting the story to push my mind to file what was happening to me into past tense because one of the problems with Ptsd is that your.

10:47.80
Katrina Collier
I’m gonna.

11:01.61
Katrina Collier
Um, ah okay, you’ still in it.

11:03.60
Sophie Power
Grain thinks that you’re so in that moment which is why you hallucinate while you hear things why you feel things it’s because your brain is struggling to file it in the right drawer. Um, so it was.

11:14.42
Katrina Collier
Yeah, wow.

11:19.15
Sophie Power
Ah, you know it was hard. It was hard and actually after I had those sessions I I started to see just a little bit of cloud clearing. Um, you know as I you know sort of felt that darkness I felt just a little Ray of lights starting to peek through and I realized right? This isn’t it. This is the start. This isn’t the end I’ve got.

11:22.36
Katrina Collier
Ah.

11:26.83
Katrina Collier
Yeah, amazing.

11:39.10
Sophie Power
So much further to go to get backed from you know, horrible Gray dark skies to sunshine and rainbows again. Um yes, so eventually. Um, my journey ah with the cps ah concluded which meant that I could.

11:45.34
Katrina Collier
Rainbows. Yeah Wow you. Here.

11:58.58
Sophie Power
Go further I could take a step further my you know my Google searches weren’t being monitored by the police anymore which was great so I could actually start looking stuff up. Yeah, that’s the thing. Yeah.

12:04.87
Katrina Collier
How how interesting so you’re as a victim they monitor what you’re searching. Oh I guess to make sure you don’t search how to kill the expletive you right? Okay right? How fascinating.

12:15.12
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, or Google things like what to say in a court case um things like that. Um, because yeah it it is extremely and people don’t realize this so it’s.

12:23.94
Katrina Collier
Oh Wow I didn’t know that God How invasive oh. Some of the things that I’ve googled for this Book. Oh My goodness I mean if you put them all Together. You’d be like is she suicidal like it. Yeah Wow fascination. Yeah.

12:32.38
Sophie Power
Ah, think there’s no perfects. Yeah.

12:41.40
Sophie Power
Oh God Yeah I know I’ve I’ve googled stuff before of ah you know I’ve been researching something off in writing I’m also doing some writing at the moment and I ah you know.

12:49.49
Katrina Collier
Yeah, you know can’t wait to sit up.

12:51.25
Sophie Power
You you Google it and then you come up what comes up in the search is it’s okay, not to be okay and the number for the samaritans and you’re like oh I didn’t mean it like that. Okay oh God Okay I’m going to rewread it. That’s not what I meant I’ve done it too. Um.

12:55.25
Katrina Collier
Yeah, what did I put in? Yeah no, no I know oh how interesting Wow Yeah no I Really I mean know I might send you my search history after this because it’s really really funny and Just. Makes no sense. But anyway anyway I keep taking your topic which is really rude but I feel like it just I Just find that really quite invasive and I but I understand what you’re saying and I guess in this modern world I’ve been to court before this kind of modern World. So.

13:20.54
Sophie Power
No, no, it’s it’s all good. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, I yeah um yeah, it’s it’s something that. It made me kind of scared to even talk about it actually um, you know and it made it hard for people close to me to understand because I had um that was um, it was actually I think about eight nine months

13:38.16
Katrina Collier
Um, yeah, and that’s how long was that period was that like 2 years or 3 years old

13:53.60
Katrina Collier
Oh okay, which probably felt like ears because of the not beginning to speak gosh.

13:55.28
Sophie Power
Um, so it was kind of it. It felt yeah like a a never ending epoch um, it was horrific. But I yeah you know at the end of 17 I got to the point where I wasn’t hallucinating anymore but I was still bloody miserable.

14:10.93
Katrina Collier
Yeah.

14:12.59
Sophie Power
Um, and you know I I just didn’t give a a damn like about myself like I was going into work like you know dress like Rubbish um in a way that I’d never normally dress like I you know I’m pretty casual but I like to look nice. Um.

14:15.55
Katrina Collier
M.

14:25.49
Katrina Collier
Maybe you still like fab. You’re welcome I Actually think I have the same t-shirt on I wore for the last podcast recording. Maybe I’ll just wear the same one all the time and then I don’t have to stress out I will watch it anyway.

14:29.29
Sophie Power
Thank you I mean you know I got my little my little pink shirt on today. Um, you know and oh nice, nice of course. Yeah I wasn’t.

14:43.85
Katrina Collier
So you weren’t caring about yourself So the next step.

14:46.40
Sophie Power
Taking care of myself and I think I sort of then just was like just get your head down with work focus on work. Um, and let’s let’s get kind of the the Christmas and new season I had a few like winter weddings to go to let’s just go to them. Keep your head down smile. Be nice blah blah blah. Um, and see hey fill in the new year and then when the new year came um, you know I came to the realization that there were quite a few people in my life that and this was step 1 ah, we’ll step 2 if you like realizing quite a few people in my life were not helping me. Um. You know the way that they spoke to me was re-traumatizing the way that they spoke about me was um, you know, unproductive and rude. Um and I yeah I had these were people that I had been friends with for a very long time. Um.

15:30.35
Katrina Collier
I.

15:38.57
Katrina Collier
Man.

15:42.42
Sophie Power
I I realized I had to break away from them and just be like I I need some space from you. Um, where you know I don’t wish you any Ill but I don’t want you in my life anymore you need to go and and that’s hard because.

15:43.95
Katrina Collier
Then put them off your bus. Yeah.

15:58.00
Sophie Power
You need your community around you I’ve often ah taught in in sort of my professional work about community and how important it is to me but it’s bloody hard the right community exactly so thinking about like those. Ah yeah.

16:02.92
Katrina Collier
The right community and it involves it changes I have had I’ve also people I talk about this in the book that got on my bus for a period of time and then got off and I was.

16:17.16
Sophie Power
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

16:20.87
Katrina Collier
Going? Oh my God you got off because I was quite shocked because sometimes I get become really close but early fast and like oh because they’re there for a lesson or they’re there to help with some healing and but you have to your core community has to be solid and it changes it changes as you heal when you move from victim to victor over and to healed.

16:31.11
Sophie Power
Yeah, it does it does? yeah. 100%. Yeah so I I started to think about who you know who was who was and always had been team Sophie Powerand you know it brought me closer to you know other people so it it.

16:39.62
Katrina Collier
It also changes different people.

16:51.89
Katrina Collier
Um.

16:57.33
Katrina Collier
Um.

16:57.43
Sophie Power
Attracted people into my life that maybe at the time or at the beginning were sort of you know, just friendly acquaintances or or work colleagues things like that. But then very you know and and to this day are you know I’m their champion in their mind and it’s wonderful and I actually had a really.

17:04.94
Katrina Collier
Um, and.

17:09.58
Katrina Collier
M.

17:13.88
Sophie Power
Ah, long-term school friend reach out to me so she knew what happened um and she reached out to me and she said you know because we had known each other since we were 11 and she just said look I’m worried about you. You’re clearly not okay, you’re pretending you are but I know you’re not because I know you I’m gonna look.

17:18.25
Katrina Collier
Um.

17:23.61
Katrina Collier
Yeah.

17:32.97
Sophie Power
After your cat for six months um so you don’t have to worry about him because he’s my little my little boy. Um, and you’re gonna go and stay with our friend. Um, who who at the time lived in Thailand um, and I was like okay, she’s like pack you flat up move out I know you can do it.

17:36.29
Katrina Collier
Wow.

17:53.25
Sophie Power
You traveled a lot. You’ve done it before I Really think you should do this I think it’ll be the best thing for you. Um, and I will support you. Um, and I think this was a text message. Um, it was a lot in a text message. Yeah, basically.

18:00.96
Katrina Collier
And you suggest usage. Yes to a text message that got you to move countries continents possibly hemispheres I’m not sure now it’s still the same hemisphere just. Wow.

18:11.86
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah, just about just about yeah it’s um, on paper actually pretty wild. But I I just but not no it made total sense and breaking out of my routine. Um.

18:22.32
Katrina Collier
It’s a but not.

18:29.48
Sophie Power
Where I was retracing what happened essentially five days a week um breaking away from like the physical geography of of like the trauma going to a new place but with an old friend. Um, so this friend of mine. We’re still friends to this day. Um, whenever we connect. It’s like I get in her car room.

18:37.98
Katrina Collier
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

18:48.56
Sophie Power
We start a conversation like we saw each other 5 minutes ago um we don’t even need to say hi how are you? It’s just okay so anyway and you know exactly and it just made me realize that it made me realize that like there were people out there that loved me and that the people that told me negative things about myself.

18:49.75
Katrina Collier
Yeah, yeah I Love those people. Yeah oh preamble. Yeah, yeah.

19:08.23
Sophie Power
Were were not to be believed were not to be listened to and so the next step was actually just physically getting away. It was huge like I quit my job. Um, ah you know which was going really well. Um, a really successful startup that is still you know.

19:19.15
Katrina Collier
And.

19:24.32
Sophie Power
Doing Amazingly um I’ve been asked several times when applying for jobs. Why did you leave at that point. Um, and I’ve not been I’ve not really wanted to say why? Ah so that’s been interesting but you know it was. It was very very healing.

19:32.33
Katrina Collier
No, that’s fair. So what? what happened so you went there and I assume that was quite healing but what about the attic that you mentioned before we came on because I assume that’s the big one where you got to the.

19:44.58
Sophie Power
Yes, so yeah, yeah, so I think the attic analogy probably didn’t come into play until ah, the pandemic. So.

19:55.61
Katrina Collier
No no.

19:59.69
Sophie Power
All the while. So I kind of view my mind like an attic. Um, for for folks who who haven’t had and you know most of like the corners of it. You know work family. You know Hobbies Um, nice memories childhood like most.

20:01.40
Katrina Collier
Yeah.

20:13.83
Katrina Collier
Um, ah.

20:16.83
Sophie Power
It’s actually pretty well organized at the point in my life that I I was um, ah but then there is this trunk a little trunk called trauma. Um, that was parked in the in the dark corner and I’d thrown loads of coats on it some bimb bags you know, covered it up.

20:17.00
Katrina Collier
Yeah.

20:25.88
Katrina Collier
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because even in a way while you were away from the situation and then coming back. You were still parling stuff on it so you got out of the routine but you were still avoiding the corner.

20:34.41
Sophie Power
Um, put some boxes around it. Yeah yeah.

20:46.36
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah, just you know? ah yeah, sambagging it quite literally? Um, ah yeah, yeah, yeah, so I kind of just.

20:50.50
Katrina Collier
Yeah, this is what people do with trauma. It starts with a little plaster and then they layer it and layer and layer it layer it? yeah.

21:02.89
Sophie Power
Piled some you know some fishermen’s pants like over over this shruunk of trauma. Um, you know, ah learnt to Scuba dive caught up with some friends from my old backpacking days that happened to be floating around at the same time it. It was great. It was. It was really nice to spend time with people that knew me.

21:11.46
Katrina Collier
Yeah, all of that. Yeah yeah, so you be out to just feel like yourself again, but still avoiding. So.

21:20.27
Sophie Power
Just it didn’t know about what had happened and just knew me before I was but there. Yeah oh 100%

21:29.75
Katrina Collier
How did you start unpacking it because I I mean I think I’m going to end up saying this on every podcast. It’s like a lot of people think it’s lift The lid Pandora’s box. Let’s go and it’s not so how did you start.

21:39.34
Sophie Power
Oh no, well you realize there’s so much like you’ve got to move the baggage that’s around that’s built up around the trauma first to be honest to to kind of get to it so you know how did it affect my relationships. Um, you know, um, ah.

21:48.17
Katrina Collier
Ah.

21:54.42
Sophie Power
You know my relationship with a partner at the time. Um, which completely disintegrated Um, ah but hey it happens. Um, you know so healing sort of my my hurt from that um healing ah the friendships. Yes.

22:02.61
Katrina Collier
1 yeah, oh sorry at the time of the trauma. Oh my gosh. Okay, but you sorry I thought you met latalie yes, oh my gosh hence my face was like oh wow okay, well, it’s like a snowball of a snowball of a trauma right? I mean when we’re just there. Wow.

22:14.30
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, um, and then you know healing Oh God Yeah it you know it was huge. It was huge um and then yeah unpacking.

22:27.33
Katrina Collier
Okay, gotcha. Yeah.

22:33.63
Sophie Power
You know, unpacking all of that. Um, and yeah, yeah, so yeah I first started working with a psychodynamic therapist so they tend to look at your past. Um and how it affects your present.

22:34.22
Katrina Collier
And did you have help to start unpacking that was it a therapist or what who did you say you don’t have to name them but like what kind of a profession.

22:51.48
Katrina Collier
Yes.

22:53.64
Sophie Power
Um, so looking at like relationships with parents family childhood friends things like that starting at start and working forward so that started in 2020 believe it or not um because I spent.

22:59.48
Katrina Collier
Um, yeah, yeah, um.

23:04.61
Sophie Power
A lot of time I lived alone in in lockdown miles away from my family. Um and my mates. Um, so I spent a lot of time on my own and I realized I was spending a lot time in my own head and I couldn’t ignore that trunk in the corner anymore. So started to yeah I was like right.

23:18.41
Katrina Collier
I’m going in. Ah.

23:21.93
Sophie Power
I’m probably never going to get a better time to just dive in. Yeah, so you know in between you know, working from home. Ah, as ah as a tech recruiter and for a really lovely company. Um, really loved working for them. Um.

23:23.60
Katrina Collier
Ah I know Yeah, just yeah.

23:39.60
Sophie Power
You know in my lunch breaks and in the evenings I was having video video sessions with my my therapist and unpacking all of this all of this stuff in and kind of healing and reframing the way I looked at all of the relationships and how they changed Um, which was huge and.

23:42.55
Katrina Collier
Um.

23:44.57
Katrina Collier
Yeah, so.

23:50.60
Katrina Collier
Yeah, yeah.

23:55.61
Sophie Power
Benefited me so much and eventually I got to the point where I was like right and that happened this year I was like right? Let’s open that trunk that whole process took 3 years like it’s not quick. It’s not quick. There’s no quick fix. No.

23:57.80
Katrina Collier
Um, yeah later down. Yeah, it’s it’s and it can’t be quick because we’ve put the barricades up. So so cleverly that. You know it. It takes a bit of there. There is no lift in the li on Pandora’s box it’s so possibleible. Yeah oh yeah, I used to get sick before sessions with Michelle Zoli I think I’ve written this in there.

24:16.25
Sophie Power
Yeah I’ve got a ah no I’ve got a like I’ve got a strong mind and she be sneaky. Um, she be sneaky. Um.

24:32.40
Katrina Collier
Um, because my subconscious would know that we were about to address one of the weeny little layers and I would go and I wouldn’t want to go and then I’d go and I’d leave and I feel perfectly healthy after I left ah like oh Wow Oh Wow So when she went.

24:41.85
Sophie Power
Yeah, getting out. Yeah yeah I.

24:48.51
Katrina Collier
All the way through all of the layers and you got to what I would call a core wound. You know that that event did you find it was strangely smaller than you expected.

24:50.72
Sophie Power
M.

24:57.47
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah I found it. You know it was less like I imagine like a big a you know, kind of old school like big like packing trunk and it was more like maybe like a hatbox. Um.

25:07.70
Katrina Collier
Yeah, yeah, amazing isn’t what so.

25:15.13
Sophie Power
Yeah, and I think at the moment it’s probably maybe like a little vanity case. Um it’s it’s it’s still not perfect like I still I still struggle some days I still sometimes I get so.

25:23.32
Katrina Collier
You know, um.

25:32.00
Sophie Power
Hopefully I can swear fucking angry like it just like well it just comes up like you you you know, hit water and it’s like um I just oh god I got like it happened to me. Um, when I was out with some friends like a couple of months ago um

25:32.97
Katrina Collier
Yeah.

25:43.37
Katrina Collier
Triggered.

25:51.43
Sophie Power
And something triggered me and I got so angry and like I reflect back on it and it was like I’d gone back to that wild ha person in 2017 and and I freaked out and I was like I’ve got to leave like I’ve got to leave and call my therapist and.

25:51.49
Katrina Collier
Um.

25:55.87
Katrina Collier
Yeah, so.

26:10.46
Sophie Power
You know I talked through it and I felt I felt the rage like leave. Um, but every now and then you still hit on it. Um, and you strike oil and.

26:13.88
Katrina Collier
Yeah, yeah, yeah, well I I would say I’ve healed my core wound but there’s a scar so I will trigger our suingroom I triggered on this last trip I was so rude to her add a character over the top angry.

26:23.40
Sophie Power
Yeah.

26:29.83
Sophie Power
E.

26:32.25
Katrina Collier
Something she said which was said as a joke and I just went and then it was actually somebody else going. Oh hang on that was like quiet and I went oh I know exactly what that was and it was triggered and thankfully you know Sue’s been my friend for years and we talked it through but it’s that when you have those moments as being kind to yourself and kind of go. Okay, something’s up.

26:40.84
Sophie Power
Yeah.

26:48.25
Sophie Power
Yeah.

26:51.43
Katrina Collier
Um, to leave the situation. You did the right thing you called for help and then you talked it through hope it with kindness and compassion and forgave yourself for reacting like that and let it go. It’s just it’s spirit. It’s being aware.

26:57.46
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah, and it’s it’s hard like because that that kind of you know that mind body connection as well like it came all it like it wasn’t just in my mind it was my entire body like.

27:13.80
Katrina Collier
Oh yeah.

27:16.54
Sophie Power
All over you know like I I had like chills and shivers and um, you know, Yeah, there’s still a long way to go. Um and I think as well sort of the next step I think to reduce in the vanity case to a scar that I can then put some you know, buy oil or I prefer organ oil um on and.

27:31.46
Katrina Collier
Yeah, something on. Yeah.

27:35.91
Sophie Power
And start looking after something. Um you know is is probably accepting and this is what I’m working on at the moment in therapy except like learning to love who I am now because I’m never going to be who I was before I’m never going to be completely that person. Um.

27:43.10
Katrina Collier
Um, yeah, yes, no.

27:53.80
Sophie Power
You know I see I see rainbows and blue skies so much more than I used to um, but there’s still clouds there. But I you know I’m just.

27:56.57
Katrina Collier
Yeah, yeah, and you know what will eventually just get rid of the clouds and this is gonna sound a bit like ands I did I learnt mine in Dr John De Martini’s breakthrough weekend which I do not recommend for everybody because it’s full on. However. He gets people to a point where they can see what the learning was and what the silver lining was in that traumatic event and when you do eventually see that and I’m sure you will like you will have grown as a human for that experience when then the clouds just go and then it is something that’s in the past that.

28:23.97
Sophie Power
In yeah.

28:33.12
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah.

28:33.35
Katrina Collier
Does and doesn’t define you like it’s it happened, but it’s not. It’s not having a victory over you. It’s more like that happened and because of that I am this that and the other so like when people will say to me Oh gosh your childhood trauma. It’s like but that’s all my strength of my resilience and much termination that at some point you may get there.

28:39.38
Sophie Power
Yeah.

28:48.94
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it showed me I I had a lot of naivete about the world. Um, even at the age of 27 I think I was at the time.

29:01.27
Katrina Collier
Whatever yeah, um.

29:04.12
Sophie Power
You know I still had a lot of childlike naivete um about the world about people around me. Um, and I think it’s just taught me to not be less trusting and not be less open but just understand that you know everyone’s got their own thing going on that advises how they react to you.

29:13.56
Katrina Collier
Button.

29:20.10
Katrina Collier
Button.

29:23.43
Sophie Power
Um, and it’s not your fault Sometimes it’s your problem. Um, but it’s not your fault and yeah, just it taught me how to take better care of myself because it became taking care of myself became a very proactive effort which it hadn’t been before.

29:27.38
Katrina Collier
That’s not your fault.

29:33.39
Katrina Collier
Which is huge. Yeah no and I think there’s so many people who don’t take care of themselves and they don’t and they don’t address these Traumas and they don’t get through them and out the other side and that impacts other people because you’re not vibrating and.

29:45.16
Sophie Power
No, no yeah yeah, no, no, no yeah and you know I was that person for a while. Um, yeah I was really.

29:52.60
Katrina Collier
With rainbows and blue skies and it does impact other people that way. So if you were.

30:01.31
Sophie Power
Bloody hard to be around. Um you know for a while it wasn’t my fault. But yeah, you know it wasn’t my fault but you know fact is I was.

30:01.36
Katrina Collier
Yeah, at which is okay.

30:11.69
Katrina Collier
Yeah, and I think that’s one of the things actually to and I think that was the thing with I mean I fell into the work I actually went to see Michelle Zellie over career direction. Um. But I was so miserable in my twenty s and thirty s and I think it’s if you realize that look I’m so unhappy I’m not a joy to be around I don’t even like myself that it’s like something needs to give So What would if if you were talking to someone now and you sense that they were on the verge of taking a step.. What would you say like how would you encourage them.

30:28.65
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

30:42.53
Katrina Collier
Ah, or on your own reflection that very first.

30:44.34
Sophie Power
Yeah, ah the scariest scariest scariest thing um is saying I need help um and the bravest bravest thing you can do is say I need help Um, because.

30:57.00
Katrina Collier
I need him.

31:02.16
Sophie Power
I’ve always been a very independent person i’ always been very self-suff sufficientient even as a child I just I’d entertain myself. Um, you know, um I learned to read at a very young age because it was something I could do on my own. Loved it. Um, and ah, you know suddenly that.

31:03.47
Katrina Collier
And yeah.

31:16.53
Katrina Collier
Um, me.

31:22.22
Sophie Power
That thing I’d always considered a strength was holding me back so I had to learn a new strength which is asking for help I am not all the way there yet. Um I’m I’m still learning it. Ah today. Um you know, sort of many years on like I needed help.

31:24.35
Katrina Collier
Yes, yeah.

31:34.43
Katrina Collier
Written.

31:37.66
Sophie Power
Ah, selling a Tv this weekend. So I called a friend and I said hey I need help and my hand picking up the phone was shaking and I am in my thirty s I’m a grown ass woman trying to sell a Tv on Facebook marketplace and asking for help to get its shifted and sold.

31:54.15
Katrina Collier
Ah, um, um.

31:56.30
Sophie Power
Made me shake with fear you know I’m still learning that. But I’d say the first thing is ask for help go for it.

31:56.52
Katrina Collier
Yeah I will I can I’m gonna one up you I’m gonna one up you on the asking for help. Um, it took me until the end of last year and I’m significantly older than you and it doing me to the end of last year because I’ve also had to be independent and resilient and all of those things and yeah. And nothing what happened when you asked for help did people help or did they shut the door in your face.

32:18.32
Sophie Power
My friend went yeah, of course I’m I can come around in 5 minutes if if that’s all right? like it was just such a nonevent because it’s totally normal to ask the help and it’s okay.

32:27.49
Katrina Collier
Exactly exactly ah Sophie Powerpower. It’s it’s okay.

32:33.66
Sophie Power
And if you surround yourself with the right people when you ask for help help will come Um, you know and if you ask for something you know you know I’ve never I don’t think I’ve ever asked for I think the biggest help anyone ever gave me was my friend looking after.

32:38.54
Katrina Collier
Ah, yeah, is that stay true.

32:50.10
Sophie Power
Ah, my my cat. My my boy oli for for six months um you know and you know don’t get me. Yeah yeah, and and and my friends like being like yeah course she can come stay I run a hotel like of course she can come stay with me what it’s not even a question you know and I know what a life.

32:51.20
Katrina Collier
Um, yeah, well I’m sending you to Thailand the hardship. Yeah.

33:09.67
Sophie Power
We can have a whole other podcast talking about how amazing that is. But um.

33:09.79
Katrina Collier
No, no, no actually sorry I was wowing at the the divine timing that she went a hotel that she of course gave you a room that there was no Sophie Powerneeds us were here. So sometimes you don’t even have to ask for the help The help appears. It’s like not turning it down.

33:15.66
Sophie Power
Yeah, yeah.

33:26.21
Sophie Power
Yeah, if you have the right people in your life because I’d focused a lot on the relationships in 17 that weren’t right for me and the help didn’t come and I’d asked for help and my my requests would be unanswered and they would be mocked because they weren’t the right people in my life. But.

33:28.10
Katrina Collier
As well. Yeah.

33:44.60
Katrina Collier
See I think that’s probably what your lesson was was that yeah be selective. Oh my gosh amazing.

33:46.00
Sophie Power
Then yeah I think so I do I do think that um for sure. So yeah, having you know and then you know the gratitude ah that comes with surrounding yourself with the right people and the joy of of knowing that you’ve got.

34:03.79
Katrina Collier
We.

34:03.79
Sophie Power
The right people in your life. Um, and and then you know when you’re better. You give back? um and you support them and then you know you you start to see more rainbows mm yeah you reclaim that joy.

34:12.72
Katrina Collier
Life is just joyous. It is if people if people want to connect with you is it. Linkedin was that the easiest or what’s the eiest way to find you obviously say you you heard this podcast.

34:24.57
Sophie Power
Yeah, um, so there’s link. Yeah, absolutely yes, yes, yeah, please do please do say you you have my podcast. Um, so Linkedin I’m I’m taking as puff.

34:30.33
Katrina Collier
Ah, you might find it a bit odd. Ah.

34:38.78
Sophie Power
You know my ongoing healing journey I’m taking a bit of a break from Linkedin but if you pop a message. Um I’m just ah Sophie Powerpower she her mu um on on Linkedin yep and there’s actually loads of Sophie Powerpowers where you know there’s quite a few of us. So um, it’s easy to spot me. Um, no, there are not because I’m not miss.

34:41.39
Katrina Collier
Um I Love that Ms.

34:53.10
Katrina Collier
But there aren’t too many she hurt Mrs ah no nope.

34:57.94
Sophie Power
Because my title is not connected to my status with a man and I is a Hill I will die on. Um, yeah, and also Mez power like off I Love it. There’s a lot of strength in it.

35:05.30
Katrina Collier
I Know well I’m with you on them is ah.

35:09.56
Katrina Collier
O I Don I get annoyed when I get caught miss col because it’s like it’s actually incorrect because I’m divorced. It’s my married names to don’t you dare. But yeah, it’s it’s quite funny names are important though they really matter anyway. Thank you thank you for

35:17.62
Sophie Power
Um, yeah, yeah here they really are I’m see Linkedin. Um, yeah.

35:27.70
Katrina Collier
All of those sorry I interrupted you I’m so good at that. Um, thank you just so much for just being vulnerable and open and just sharing your story I’m so so grateful for your time. Thanks Sophie.

35:28.53
Sophie Power
It.

35:36.83
Sophie Power
Thank you for having me and for anyone who listens? Thank you, Thank you so much for taking the time to to listen to my story.

35:45.76
Katrina Collier
Appreciate it.