Ep. 19: Being Self-Curious with Amanda Lamont

 

Full unedited  podcast interview with Amanda Lamont

00:00.76
katrinamcollier
Amanda Lamont welcome to Beyond The Damage of Words podcast. Thank you so much for joining me and coming on early I was so rude I made you coming early so there’s no preamble on this podcast. We just get straight down to it. What led you into healing therapy coaching whatever it is. You’ve done.

00:02.50
Amanda Lamont
Thank you Thanks for having me I.

00:18.45
katrinamcollier
What led you there I know straight in your face but ah.

00:18.61
Amanda Lamont
So so it’s actually no I’m thinking about the entire journey from the beginning. Actually it’s it’s been a continuous journey actually ah started when actually I was in my second last year of school.

00:30.91
katrinamcollier
Yeah, so.

00:38.40
Amanda Lamont
So in high school I guess I was about 16 and I was super perfectionist and I’m not you know I had you know cut to the bottom line was that I had attached my self-worth to my achievements.

00:44.69
katrinamcollier
Always this line.

00:56.70
katrinamcollier
And.

00:58.22
Amanda Lamont
I’ve had a pack schedule I did absolutely everything anything and I did it really well and I started to.

01:06.65
katrinamcollier
Did that stop you from trying things or you were fine to just try but you did Wow Interesting. Ah.

01:11.40
Amanda Lamont
No, in fact, in fact, I just wanted to try everything because then it was just another opportunity for me to be good at something. Um, but yeah I think um.

01:20.34
katrinamcollier
Oh interesting.

01:27.11
Amanda Lamont
I Have some theories how I got to that point but nonetheless I I noticed that yeah I kind of was um I was crying a lot um dissociating started doing terribly in my schoolwork which you know never happened before.

01:41.29
katrinamcollier
Um.

01:43.63
katrinamcollier
And.

01:46.29
Amanda Lamont
At my sister actually at the time she had quite a good relationship with her and she said I think you need to see someone and my parents are quite a bit older than me I still have my mom around and um, you know I didn’t. Feel free to speak to them about this kind of thing I kind of kick to myself very much and I arrange an appointment with the psychologist myself kind of just informed them that I was going and yeah, managed all of this on my own. Um, because also my.

02:06.84
katrinamcollier
And wow.

02:21.38
Amanda Lamont
My family is I don’t like to use the term religious but they they are Christian and you know we go to church every Sunday etc and my mom is very against the concept of therapy. Um, she yeah she um you know, thought that.

02:29.17
katrinamcollier
And oh how interesting and I’m helpful.

02:40.63
Amanda Lamont
Just needed. Yeah I needed to rely on the Lord alavviour to you know, help me get through this and but that was my first brush for therapy and medication.

02:51.73
katrinamcollier
So what did they say when you went I’ve booked this psychologist then I mean I did they fund it. Wow.

02:58.87
Amanda Lamont
Ah, what?? What’s what?? what? do you mean?? What’s wrong, you know, Ah, you know there’s nothing wrong with you? What is this? Um, and yeah I mean they they did fund it and in the beginning. But um. Eventually that stopped I think I don’t think that they took it seriously um that they know I shipped off? yeah.

03:22.44
katrinamcollier
Ah, what an interesting is it so interesting thing to say isn’t it that there’s nothing wrong with you. You don’t have to have anything wrong with you to want to talk to a psychologist. You’re not feeling your best but really interesting such denial as well.

03:32.94
Amanda Lamont
Yeah.

03:38.89
katrinamcollier
That’s tough. That’s really tough I think it’s really brave You did that when you listened to your sister and that you you did that it was amazing.

03:45.67
Amanda Lamont
And I I had a very supportive therapist in the end. Um I managed to find someone who So as a child I had you know, attached myself with to achievements.

03:52.22
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

04:00.76
Amanda Lamont
And I had this lovelyity psychologist. Um, who was also you know a Christian and she she had some books that she shared with me Actually one was a a children’s book called Pensionello and it was very sweet. Um.

04:08.51
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

04:17.63
katrinamcollier
Ah.

04:19.56
Amanda Lamont
They they weren’t explicitly mentioning God but it was this kind of a gepeo that made all of these little characters supposed to be I guess God and um that if ever you did something that you know people thought was strange or funny. The villages would you know put.

04:22.89
katrinamcollier
Right? yeah.

04:39.16
Amanda Lamont
Ah dot on you and then put another dot and another dot and um, basically Pananella Um, he had to learn and and he was told by his Japedo person that um, you know, um this is basically just those people’s.

04:39.87
katrinamcollier
Okay.

04:51.26
katrinamcollier
Um.

04:58.20
Amanda Lamont
Impressions of you. Um, if he believed them. They were going to stick. But once he stopped believing it. They would try to stick dots in him and they wouldn’t stick and then suddenly all of his stickers fell off. It was really cute and I thought Wow you know? yes.

04:58.30
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

05:10.50
katrinamcollier
Ah I love that and really true, Really true. Wow gos.

05:17.90
Amanda Lamont
Was a children’s book and I thought this was really amazing. Um, but yeah, fast forward. Um I You know this kind of theme stuck with me and eventually um yeah, my my self worth then became.

05:26.78
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

05:35.15
Amanda Lamont
More attached to my relationships with people you know people pleaasing and and you know that’s just exactly and.

05:38.71
katrinamcollier
Ah, so you sort of lost one addiction and so flicked it to ah another almost isn’t it. The mind you the the being the perfectionist is all about being praised for doing things exceptionally well as well and then you yeah.

05:51.13
Amanda Lamont
He exactly.

05:55.97
katrinamcollier
Ah, can we go back? The dots for a second. That’s really really interesting. Sorry just I’m thinking even now is it like people say things and we take them on board and actually if we just think oh, that’s just their opinion and is the dot going to stick or not oh I Love that right? Sorry yeah I just.

05:57.37
Amanda Lamont
So I Guess it. Exactly totally agree and and it’s also I think also in our industry and in you know, recruitment.. There’s so much social promotion going on of you know personal brand inferencing etc and I kind of just feel.

06:18.11
katrinamcollier
Um.

06:25.38
katrinamcollier
Ah.

06:27.26
Amanda Lamont
Is this something that I’m supposed to be doing you know to to kind of be recognized, whatever and I I don’t want to manufacture it for the sake of it. Um I guess it’s you know each into their own but 1 also thinks about it in in terms of this kind of pleasing society and um.

06:35.41
katrinamcollier
No.

06:43.62
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, of course do I need to do that thou interesting. No we will talk about that later though, but no, it depends what you do if you were in the service side of it. But you’re not your in-house. So no, but I see what you’re meaning about there is that pressure.

06:47.21
Amanda Lamont
But thought right? yeah right? um.

06:58.20
Amanda Lamont
So yeah, exactly.

07:02.91
katrinamcollier
Pressure to post almost isn’t it and then that creates another one so you were saying that you went then on to the worst one that we do see in our space as well. Which is people pleasing which needs to stop because there’s only 1 place people please and goes and that’s burnout. There’s just and the slide.

07:09.89
Amanda Lamont
Yes.

07:20.19
Amanda Lamont
Exactly and exactly and I’d actually um gotten into I think it was my first proper boyfriend. Um you know towards I think it was the beginning of University Or Towards N.

07:28.30
katrinamcollier
So yeah.

07:34.57
Amanda Lamont
And um I think that this person really lifted me up um made me have a better impression of myself again it it was like a codependence then kind of relationship in the end and I got really active. You know he’s very outdoorsy sporty.

07:41.76
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

07:53.71
Amanda Lamont
And um I thought really I was at the happiest I’d ever eat in my life and I was still taking medication I thought okay let me just find a psychiatrist and ask her to get me off this like let’s let’s wean off this and once I started decreasing the dosage.

07:54.20
katrinamcollier
Um.

07:59.10
katrinamcollier
Yeah, um.

08:13.31
Amanda Lamont
Um, everything just started going backwards crying again. Super anxious fragile and I yeah I had to continue taking the meads and I actually experienced this every time that I tried to go off but I thought you know what on Earth is wrong with me I’m.

08:14.91
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

08:23.66
katrinamcollier
I.

08:31.12
katrinamcollier
I.

08:32.62
Amanda Lamont
So happy now why is this not working to you know, get off minutes and I think this is this is also this intense shame that 1 feels um I wasn’t just trying to take medication for the sake of it but it it was.

08:35.59
katrinamcollier
So yeah.

08:46.12
katrinamcollier
No no.

08:50.43
Amanda Lamont
There is a shame associated with taking it like and and I think I even experienced that for my boyfriend as well like why can’t you just stop and I had to spend a long time accepting that I had to take it.

08:55.48
katrinamcollier
Yeah. Yeah.

09:06.28
Amanda Lamont
But every reason I can’t put a magnifying glass into you know my brain and look at all my neuronal pathways. Um, but I felt like there is something wrong with me that I was broken and why do I have to take this and it took me years to activate that.

09:19.83
katrinamcollier
Um.

09:24.10
katrinamcollier
To to lose the the shame side of the taking them. Yeah, but I love I Love the way you described it before we came on the call which is like it’s bringing you up to a baseline.

09:26.19
Amanda Lamont
Um, yes, and it was just this exactly.

09:38.13
katrinamcollier
From this quite deep depression isn’t it so that you do feel that you can do the stuff you are doing which is the talking therapies and the you know healing stuff as you go to? Ah yeah.

09:41.94
Amanda Lamont
Um, right? And and I’ll I’ll illustrate that again where you know you have these inner emotional demons um memories of the past that perhaps you you haven’t gone back to or and say analyze but more understand you know what? your.

09:57.61
katrinamcollier
Um, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

10:01.12
Amanda Lamont
Responses being to it and why? Um, but you know if you’re normal for lack of a best term you know here’s your baseline when you’re clinically depressed. You are down here and if you’re trying to help yourself you you can’t.

10:05.88
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

10:19.76
Amanda Lamont
Drag yourself up to normal. You’re just you’re not functioning like that. So the medication helps you to get to the baseline. It’s not a happy pool gets you to the Baseline where you can start to help yourself and build strategies that can help you.

10:22.30
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

10:28.75
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, this text level? Yeah, um.

10:36.15
Amanda Lamont
Attainme a state of happiness or higher functioning etc and this is why people don’t know it doesn’t replace therapy. It’s not something that can be used in isolation because it’s only through a learning process that you can learn to cope further to that. Um.

10:45.41
katrinamcollier
The.

10:51.97
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

10:53.79
Amanda Lamont
And and this is what I had to do um I had a wonderful therapist. You know I was a student um and then I started working had my first crappy job was earning Hardy anything and she just didn’t want to leave me. She said I can’t leave you like this and she actually saw me essentially for free.

11:11.46
katrinamcollier
Amazing.

11:13.80
Amanda Lamont
And once I started getting a job I started to pay her a lower rate as I got an increase and I increased my parents. What would we do without people like this and.

11:16.94
katrinamcollier
Yeah, amazing I know and there are people like this I see this sometimes on comments on social media posts and there’s you know, particularly here in the Uk. There’s quite a reliance on. But I went to the and nhs and I only got so much and it’s like yeah, but there’s always even though you might have to put your hand in the pocket. You know we’ll we’ll pay for a gym membership. Why aren’t we paying for our mental health I do sometimes wonder but it’s there are people like you’re saying there are people who will do cut rate. There’s people who do group programs there. There is always something.

11:41.12
Amanda Lamont
The specific.

11:48.40
Amanda Lamont
Oh and this is yeah.

11:52.16
katrinamcollier
That is affordable for most people they might have to give up something else. You know the annual holiday or something but I’m being flippant a little bit but it’s worth it isn’t it. It’s worth it for mental health. But.

12:05.19
Amanda Lamont
And this is actually what inspired me to go into clinical psychology. Um, unfortunately didn’t complete that ah masters because I life happened I needed to get a job and here I am in recruitment. Ah except I’m one of those people.

12:18.89
katrinamcollier
Yeah, somehow fell into recruit which is still people still analyzing people. Ah.

12:24.86
Amanda Lamont
98% of all recruiters like you know that they would say that um but it’s it’s something that I am really passionate about and I’ve I’ve managed to share with a lot of people as well who um, you know do grow up in backgrounds where this kind of thing is not talked about and it’s also.

12:31.86
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

12:41.29
katrinamcollier
I.

12:44.31
Amanda Lamont
Shameful for them to to speak about their emotions and without that self-actualization. It’s going to be very difficult for them to move past. You know it’s kind of haunting them from their past experience experiences and.

12:56.43
katrinamcollier
Yeah, all that suppressed all that suppressed emotions. Um, it’s so bad for you. It was amazing. Um, writing the memoir like realizing like suppressing emotions how it will make you sick so suppressing Anger can give you heart disease which is exactly what my dad had and he definitely suppressed anger.

13:10.14
Amanda Lamont
Oh oh.

13:14.68
katrinamcollier
And it’s just like so Ah, but yeah I would imagine your parents’ generation were very much that stiff upper lips Oppress don’t talk about it and then they ah am I understanding the christianity got used as the excuse for suppressing the emotions would that be a correct assumption. No.

13:27.91
Amanda Lamont
No I wouldn’t I wouldn’t say that I think it’s just it’s it’s more I want to say the open the open mindedness to alternatives that that this is the 1 thing.

13:32.74
katrinamcollier
They just didn’t talk about them. Ah, first.

13:43.96
katrinamcollier
Okay, got you? Ah okay, ah right? Yeah, okay now I’m understanding more your head get to.

13:46.77
Amanda Lamont
That’s going to save you yeah and and trying to use anything else compromises the strength of your faith I Guess Um, but yeah, it’s I’ve continued to go back to therapy. So.

13:56.48
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

14:03.59
katrinamcollier
Yeah, because that’s what you messaged didn’t you and I was like help I need some people and you went. You’ve gone back. So.

14:05.51
Amanda Lamont
I think.

14:11.39
Amanda Lamont
Right? And it it doesn’t mean that you go to therapy and everything’s fixed it. Also it doesn’t have to be that you’re in therapy for the rest of your life. Um, in my case when when I feel like okay I’m going through something tough now I realize that.

14:14.88
katrinamcollier
That.

14:20.71
katrinamcollier
Button.

14:28.36
Amanda Lamont
You know for me I had a severe stress response to recent times. Um, you know with layoffs happening a lot in our industry. Um and and trying to be that. Ah, it’s been enlighten me.

14:28.85
katrinamcollier
Um.

14:33.87
katrinamcollier
Yeah I think 2020 2023 for talent acquisition folks. All our agency folk has just been ridiculous for recruiters I mean for the people that hire the people at companies the way they’ve been treated is it’s just obscene.

14:46.39
Amanda Lamont
Been a nightmare and.

14:52.36
Amanda Lamont
And yeah and having to you know, support all working internets I know. Um, yeah.

14:57.90
katrinamcollier
Yeah, I’m just checking where reconnecting I feel like it’s still recording there. We go it records locally Anyway, sorry for anyone listening soon to the podcast mandara and I just looked at each other quizzically. Ah as it went. You’re not connected.

15:11.87
Amanda Lamont
Ah, pause. Um, yeah I think that’s great good for you. Yeah I had to be this guy.

15:13.60
katrinamcollier
Yeah, it’s really great though because it does record locally. So it’s always crystal clear. So yeah, yeah, thank goodness anyway. So you went so you.

15:26.17
Amanda Lamont
I Mean my my partner was also impacted by um layoffs and I had to be this kind of pillar of strength at least that’s that’s sort of the role I take on it’s self-assigned So I’m not going to say that? Yeah um, and I just I got to a point where I just I couldn’t anymore.

15:28.85
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yes.

15:43.50
katrinamcollier
Yeah, so.

15:45.43
Amanda Lamont
I was becoming super irritable I was suddenly having you know sudden ugly cries. You know there’s beautiful cries where you just you look absolutely awful and um and look yeah and.

15:51.85
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, full blind proper ones. Yeah interesting pillar of strength pillar is strength perfectionist self-worth. They’re all like.

16:03.23
Amanda Lamont
I’ve seen this before. So. Exactly.

16:09.39
katrinamcollier
I Assume your therapists totally they’re all quite mixed in together aren’t they because ah the pillow of strength is still a a pretense the perfection us there a bit of a prettense so for covering up what’s going on underneath. So yeah.

16:16.18
Amanda Lamont
And I knew for for myself I’ve been through this before I noticed these signs and something’s not right? and that’s where I sought out a therapist again.

16:28.62
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

16:35.44
Amanda Lamont
So now I know I’m at this road where you know red light um need to find a solution or some scenes of support and I actually found someone I’m originally from South Africa and I found someone from South Africa that I could have calls with virtually because i.

16:39.61
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

16:48.42
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

16:55.41
Amanda Lamont
I Must say it’s another thing to deal with as an expat is that you will still always feel like an outsider and even though you can make friends and and have good relationships with those in your new country. Um, there’s no one who will.

17:01.93
katrinamcollier
Yeah, um.

17:11.51
katrinamcollier
Um.

17:14.78
Amanda Lamont
They’d say quite get you culturally? um than someone from home right? and I’ve been to Africa I’ve been to Africa we’re a country.

17:16.37
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, ever I be like I’ve been to South Africa once so I’ve been to Australia it doesn’t stop the same. Yeah, it’s like living. Yeah yeah, there’s that as well. What but it’s like living. You know I can compare Sydney and London it’s like 2 cities I’ve lived in for great periods of time but it’s like you’re you’re absolutely right that you I totally hear what you’re saying ah with that whole I think it’s easy or so um, we said this before we came on the ease of expression as well.

17:38.43
Amanda Lamont
Ah e.

17:40.77
Amanda Lamont
No, and.

17:50.89
Amanda Lamont
Yeah, yeah.

17:51.87
katrinamcollier
Like when I’m talking to an Australian here I feel like I’m not no one’s going to go who she’s think a bit aggressive or pass the aggressive we were because we’re quite we We are very direct with each other and I imagine South Africans is similar and sarcastic. Yeah, so it’s easier isn’t it to not because you know you’re not going to offend them So it’s easier to open up and.

17:55.71
Amanda Lamont
So and sarcasttic. Exactly and.

18:09.92
katrinamcollier
As well. So I’m glad you found that. So what’s it been like just well it sounds like Firstie and I congratulate you on this, you realized the signs faster so acted faster that must in itself be a huge step forward from how you used to feel.

18:18.24
Amanda Lamont
Yes, yes.

18:25.67
Amanda Lamont
Of course there was by having this practice and and knowing the ropes I I could you know be more self-relective how how I’m acting and I’m feeling different and I’m I’m quick to have a you know? ah blown fuse.

18:29.68
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

18:36.37
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

18:43.37
Amanda Lamont
Um, and I just realized that I needed help and I had my first station and and really what came out of that is that you know Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

18:44.14
katrinamcollier
Um.

18:59.37
Amanda Lamont
Um, you know what? what is necessary for you to function. You know, put your own Oxygen mask on and me trying to be a pillar of strength for everyone else. You know who’s going to take care of me because I’m exactly and they I’m no longer going to function.

19:01.82
katrinamcollier
Yeah, written.

19:10.69
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, it’s not always your job.

19:18.15
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, written yeah interesting when you say that I’m thinking of what I did to Richard by mistake because i.

19:19.90
Amanda Lamont
Right? So what is it that I need even though I think I have all of these responsibilities. Um I need to work on myself first and and get myself. Well.

19:33.61
Amanda Lamont
Okay.

19:37.80
katrinamcollier
Did the pillar of strength roll and I took over and I just did everything and I emasculated him by doing that he of course allowed it let’s but then I was pretty brutally strong and dominant and for all the wrong reasons like domineering all the all the bad words and basically just. And so when I left I pulled the rug out from under him and then I’ve watched him it sounds awful to say climb back up but like get back on his feet and really find himself again. It was like oh my gosh I did that So you’re actually it’s funny because we think we need to be a pillar of strength but it’s a disservice to that person. They’re not getting their lessons. They’re not getting the opportunity to just.

19:55.42
Amanda Lamont
1

20:03.75
Amanda Lamont
Exactly.

20:13.41
katrinamcollier
Be themselves. But we think we’re doing the right. It’s people pleasing. Ah, ah yeah, yeah.

20:14.41
Amanda Lamont
And then actually it kind of piles on the guilt right? because now you realize oh God I’ve been an enabler I’m that person you thought you’re doing something really good and honoral and actually you’re doing a disservice and then it’s the guilt again. But.

20:28.99
katrinamcollier
Nope.

20:33.31
Amanda Lamont
Yourself.

20:34.37
katrinamcollier
Ahria I I talk about this in the memoir I must make sure my sister’s okay with me doing that maybe or maybe I don’t mention her in it but I did kind of say oh my gosh mom dad me Richard you your husband oh my god oh my god oh because my sister and I mimi mirrored her without realizing. Because it was a role model we knew so that hole just take over and do everything oh oops oops yeah um, yeah.

20:53.36
Amanda Lamont
So and being super critical I must say that’s my mom’s always been extremely critical and I now as I get older that I find that being my voice spatie with um.

21:07.13
katrinamcollier
So yeah.

21:10.20
Amanda Lamont
My partner even you know work relations just I’m always quick to nitpick on things and this is something I feel absolutely awful about I Think why do you have to be like this but it’s this little voice that has you know, just kind of planted itself and comes out like.

21:17.58
katrinamcollier
Um.

21:28.59
katrinamcollier
Yeah, the critic, the inner critic. Um.

21:32.24
Amanda Lamont
Um, and I always have to kind of think sometimes I feel like I’ve started speaking very slowly because I’m I’m trying to think before I speak just what a lot of people don’t do and.

21:39.14
katrinamcollier
Yeah, no, and all I will say is if you continue on this path because you are standing like I was like I was exactly that person. In fact, it was Ros fibbins who said to me many years ago your problem is you’re a perfectionist Katrina and actually I had a fear of being in trouble. But all I would do is nitpick at people because I felt so lousy about myself I project it and then get into trouble so I was on this vicious cycle and she said that and I went and it was sort of like the start of all the bits falling into place but all I would say is now I I tend to be far less critical occasionally course I am at my moments.

22:02.33
Amanda Lamont
Yeah.

22:08.70
Amanda Lamont
So.

22:17.77
katrinamcollier
But it’s like it’s much less likely that I will lash out at somebody and there’s just this switch when the self-worth gets back to the level. It should be that you just go. Why do I care. There’s also this moment where you know I don’t care. They’ve done like at 99% isn’t that amazing. Thanks like whatever one percent doesn’t matter like yeah.

22:25.44
Amanda Lamont
And as shared.

22:33.74
Amanda Lamont
And it’s so liberating and it’s so liberating and I mean 1 feels really terrible when you damage those relationships and I’m not saying that the thoughts are no longer there. They definitely are but.

22:36.12
katrinamcollier
So you will get there. You will get there because you’re conscious of it and you want to work on it. So yeah.

22:50.10
katrinamcollier
Yeah, um.

22:51.72
Amanda Lamont
I am more likely to take a step back and say okay, why am I feeling like this. Um do I really need to save this do I Really mean it. Um or am I just like throwing it out there because I have nothing better to say and I’m just you know talking. Um.

22:54.92
katrinamcollier
Yes, is this about them.

23:07.00
katrinamcollier
Yeah, it’s so lovely because it’s that conscious I never forget the I mean Michelle Zoli is the one that cracked my my armor she got through she got it and it’s just no.

23:10.99
Amanda Lamont
Yeah.

23:16.91
Amanda Lamont
Okay, not your arm.

23:22.78
katrinamcollier
She probably wanted to at one point when I lashed out and full-blown in a to which is all written in the memoir as well. But yes, she she started through and yes she said um like we did this particular weekend and she said you’re going to be yeah, like life will never be the same again or it was that conscious awareness you’re talking about that. Why am I About to say that I don’t need to say that.

23:39.62
Amanda Lamont
Yeah, exactly.

23:41.18
katrinamcollier
Is that of any value to anybody. Why am I saying that and it’s like you stop, but it’s the same with you thinking like why am I thinking about that I felt miserable. Why am I remembering that who cares? let’s move on and I always bring myself back to my dog I find like maybe you do it with your cat. Bring yourself back to something that you love Instant shift.

23:48.53
Amanda Lamont
Who.

23:56.88
Amanda Lamont
Ah, yeah I don’t know I think my cat my cat’s gonna cut me in my sleep. Um, occasionally they do love me. But.

24:00.84
katrinamcollier
Ah, ah, ah, okay, wrong thing to think about ah something you love that kind of a thing. Oh that’s so cool so you went back just recently for because of the work Would you.

24:08.66
Amanda Lamont
Not that.

24:19.11
Amanda Lamont
And I all personal.

24:20.15
katrinamcollier
Is it too soon to have a shift. Oh you’ve already had 1 session though but is it too soon to have noticed a shift or if you’ve noticed a shift quite quickly. Oh oh.

24:27.54
Amanda Lamont
I know I’ve had multiples I’ve had multiple sessions already. Um, definitely a shift um look just on a basic level Suddenly there’s this release of having opened up to someone because you.

24:35.24
katrinamcollier
Just. Yeah, yeah.

24:44.26
Amanda Lamont
Actually believe it or not living in Berlin made so many people made friends who have come and gotten you know a very international cosmopolitan city people leave and you know it’s it’s really feels like it’s just me and my partner against the world right? like and and we’re.

24:49.41
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

25:01.66
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, um, yeah, yeah.

25:03.27
Amanda Lamont
With each other and through thick and thin. But it’s it’s not fair to pile everything on 1 person and a lot of that stays inside and bottles up inside and then I’m actually that kind of person who I keep things together really? well. And then one day I explode I don’t have little explosions I just have one huge you know, kind of boom end of days.

25:28.64
katrinamcollier
Um, here this sound a lot like the end of my marriage that was a lot like that 2 years of resentment built up and exploded on one day. Yeah no I know yeah, it’s really dangerous.

25:32.49
Amanda Lamont
Yeah, and then to.

25:38.14
katrinamcollier
But I also think it’s because it’s also just all relationships right? There’s always a friction. There’s a you know you’re stepping too much 1 way or the other and so actually having that outside. It’s always beneficial to any relationship. Yeah.

25:41.78
Amanda Lamont
So.

25:47.79
Amanda Lamont
And to have someone who’s who’s challenging your thinking you know I’m I’m saying oh you’re so shit because of this so you know why can’t you be better. You’re so useless like.

25:56.35
katrinamcollier
Yeah, um.

26:04.43
Amanda Lamont
Can’t do anything right? and and then there’s someone who can actually put up a mirror and say I bet you’ve done this. You’ve managed to do that. You’re not that Why do you say? you’re terrible. You know what makes you so terrible and kind of just showing the side that you’re you’re not.

26:10.39
katrinamcollier
Touch. Yeah yeah I.

26:23.10
Amanda Lamont
Admitting to or looking at it’s actually not a bad person. You’re actually pretty great and then you’re like you’re right.

26:23.93
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it’s yeah I know you mean and it’s hard because if you’ve had that nitpicking from so young. It’s really easy to believe that little voice.

26:34.34
Amanda Lamont
Um, you need someone just to yeah exactly. Yeah.

26:43.95
katrinamcollier
Inner Critic I call it the inner critic all I will say is mine has shushed but it literally has shush a cause it pops up occasionally when I like go to do something Brand spunky new. It will just pop up and just remind me. It’s there but compared to what it was like before I started so just keep going is all I can say because.

26:58.94
Amanda Lamont
More yeah.

27:02.20
katrinamcollier
It does get quieter or you do like evidence to the contrary. So it pops up and it says something goes. What isn’t that interesting and what about blah Blah blah and maybe have that little list from from your therapy sessions where it’s like well actually I did that great and that great and that great so and then it kind of goes hoof shushes I love that as well.

27:15.28
Amanda Lamont
Yeah, have you and and I’m pretty sure he’s spoken about this but have you heard about the inner child theory right? and and that’s something Yeah, that’s something that it was. It was a.

27:25.22
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yes, yes, huge in a child fan.

27:34.31
Amanda Lamont
Breakthrough and they’d say the um, the more traumatic part of my life when when I was in University and just after where my therapist said that actually the way I’m behaving is because my inner child is acting out.

27:38.94
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

27:50.13
katrinamcollier
Is sketch. Yeah, okay.

27:53.67
Amanda Lamont
Um, that because I’d never actually graduated from that stage that this inner child is the one that’s shouting out um through me as an adult and manifesting this behavior and this is.

27:57.80
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, amazing isn’t it.

28:12.29
Amanda Lamont
For breakthrough I would encourage anyone to to go read more on that if you’re you’re having the same kind of experience. It’s It’s such an eye opener and.

28:17.70
katrinamcollier
Um, ah in a child work. So the um I see I’ve got a slightly different version. So Michelle gave me in a so in a child in a teenager and functional adults. The functional adults talking to you now.

28:34.10
katrinamcollier
Functional adult isn’t protecting your inner child out comes the door slamming stroppy word like Venom you know the teenager right? but and it’s almost like recognizing going, you’re right? okay.

28:40.70
Amanda Lamont
Yes, yes.

28:49.12
katrinamcollier
You know and having a chatt in your head with you in a child and then the teenager goes away and yeah, and then I did a lot of stuff where I would invert a commas in in session. Bring my mother into the room and my inner child or my functional adult and sometimes even my inner teenager would say all this stuff I didn’t get to say.

28:51.47
Amanda Lamont
Yeah.

28:59.85
Amanda Lamont
Oh.

29:05.93
katrinamcollier
But I get very distressed when I see people doing work and there is no inner child work I feel it is that critical like you said it was such a breakthrough moment is so easy that particularly anyone who’s been through some form of childhood trauma or neglect or you know the constant criticism all of those things and it’s like.

29:12.43
Amanda Lamont
So.

29:24.52
katrinamcollier
Once you start selling your inner child. You’re settle like you’re at your adult you functional adults there and I’m pretty well calm all the time and I wasn’t I was like oh yeah now. Yeah, now you seen me in a few years like even the shifted in the last six years

29:27.97
Amanda Lamont
Yeah, yeah, really are you are you? Yeah I haven’t I took some really good photos of you.

29:44.62
katrinamcollier
Can’t think when you at that amazing if bit was I you did yeah or full double chin. But.

29:46.58
Amanda Lamont
But last time though. Yeah, but.

29:53.89
katrinamcollier
Ah, when was that five or six years ago was a while? Yeah yeah, I’ve done. Ah yeah, no I’ve done quite a bit of work since then and I’ve done a lot of spiritual work. Um, and that’s all in the memoir as well. So actually the shift in me in the last four or five years is actually quite massive. So I’m not surprised. But yeah know I am.

29:57.46
Amanda Lamont
Ah I think it’s 5 4 five years ago four years ago yeah if yeah.

30:09.79
Amanda Lamont
O.

30:13.62
katrinamcollier
I am quite calm. Oh don’t get me wrong. You know the builders blocking the driveway might get me to mouth off, but it’s not like this the level of you know angst. So I just I love that you’re heading that way.

30:17.32
Amanda Lamont
All.

30:24.90
Amanda Lamont
Um, it I find it usually happens I find it usually happens for you when you’re walking banjo. Maybe you should get someone else to walk. But.

30:36.27
katrinamcollier
Ah, are you thinking about the person that told me off for the fact I didn’t let the guy know that that someone was carry on the court. There’s soap been so many examples. But yeah, there’s funny stuff happens. No most of the time I’m quite calmly I Occasionally gob off at somebody. But that’s fair. Ah.

30:40.35
Amanda Lamont
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

30:52.49
Amanda Lamont
Ah, okay.

30:52.83
katrinamcollier
I Usually do it though I think in that you know that kind of people pleasing caring way if I see somebody who’s doing something that harms another like if I witness that then I’m likely to say something that yeah, so but yeah, it’s usually fun round too. Yeah.

31:00.94
Amanda Lamont
Um, yeah, and that’s brave that’s brave because actually I think most people wouldn’t even realize what’s happened until after the fact and then you’re like Wow I should have said something.

31:11.85
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

31:17.50
Amanda Lamont
Then again I can be critical and say you know why am I such a terrible face and that I didn’t say anything. Um, yeah, exactly.

31:23.78
katrinamcollier
And because there’s a lot of safety reasons that can go into that as well. So it depends you know I grew up in a country where you’re pretty safe. Um in the respect of I’m not going to get shot or stabbed even um, so but now it’s you know if it’s a different world. So yeah I should be careful but you know that’s not going to happen any time soon.

31:29.85
Amanda Lamont
True Yeah me one of yeah.

31:41.89
katrinamcollier
Um, of course of course, not so as a final few thoughts. What would you say to anybody who’s like hesitant about I call it phone. A friend always jokingly but I don’t actually want you to find a friend I want your phone a professional. What would you say if anyone’s like hesitant.

31:43.64
Amanda Lamont
Ah, yeah.

31:57.12
katrinamcollier
Like has it been life changinging for you has it been like Thank God then God I’ve gone back or probably shouldn’t say Thank God with the christianity element just ignore that.

32:07.20
Amanda Lamont
Um I think I gosh I Actually don’t know what to say I think it’s so different for for everyone. Um I would say.

32:23.75
Amanda Lamont
Firstly, are you happy with how things are for you right now. Do you think your you’re functioning as you should be and if not do you think this needs looking at um.

32:24.64
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

32:33.26
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

32:42.51
Amanda Lamont
And if you’re not okay, you can’t help anyone around you a lot of people. You know you you have perhaps you have kids ah you feel like you’re not okay to be able to support them. Um, there are different navels you know Dt to yourself to others.

32:49.68
katrinamcollier
That’s so true. Yeah yeah I Love that though.

33:01.87
Amanda Lamont
But there are there. It is possible for you not to suffer and there are people who want to help you. It can be different and that’s the only thing that that is important.

33:07.24
katrinamcollier
Yeah, oh I Love that.

33:13.43
katrinamcollier
Yeah, amazing. Yeah I love that that’s perfect. So.

33:21.19
Amanda Lamont
Um, yeah, no one No one. No one needs to feel like this. There are ways to there is a way to help you and just to breathe.

33:31.56
katrinamcollier
Just it ease the load feel happier. Yeah, if somebody had told me when I was in the depths of my mess that I would feel like I feel now I would never believe them That’s so much of the reason that I’ve done this. So thank you for like just being willing to come on and talk. About this because I just think it’s so important. Um, if somebody wanted to get in touch use it all right? if I add your Linkedin they can message you and yeah, amazing, amazing Well thank you? oh.

33:54.89
Amanda Lamont
And of course of course, please please do? Yeah, there is a way and and if I can be part of that way I’d love to be Oh thank you, you too And thank you so much for having me now.

34:06.83
katrinamcollier
You are amazing. Thank you so much. Ah, oh course.