Ep.3: Living Without Masks with Jeff Weigh

 

Unedited Transcript with Jeff Weigh

00:00.00
katrinamcollier
Jeff  Weigh welcome to Beyond The Damage of Words podcast. It’s so exciting to see your face. We think it’s been 4 years at least oh my goodness and my goodness so I’m gonna launch right in because there’s no preamble on this podcasts just get on with it. So.

00:07.34
Jeff Weigh
I Think so yep.

00:17.80
katrinamcollier
What led you into healing. Obviously you’re a coach now which and no means you’ve worked on yourself. What made you start? What what led you there first step.

00:27.24
Jeff Weigh
For for me, it is that realization that actually there was stuff that I hadn’t I hadn’t healed I’d done some work on myself I thought I thought I’d done enough but.

00:39.43
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

00:44.35
Jeff Weigh
Reality was I I hadn’t I Only really scraped the surface and I I knew there was more work to be done and and actually I I felt there was quite a bit of anger within me that I hadn’t I hadn’t let out I hadn’t expressed.

01:00.94
katrinamcollier
That was in the Pandora’s box yeah

01:02.55
Jeff Weigh
And it was it it but it was deep down and and and that was that was the reality for me I I knew for a while that I was keeping a lid on it but it wasn’t It wasn’t helpful. It wasn’t healthy and actually.

01:16.70
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

01:21.20
Jeff Weigh
Because I couldn’t express it and let it out I would I would withdraw and go inwards and go quiet it. Ah absolutely because we we’ve not been taught in most cases.

01:24.20
katrinamcollier
Oh that’s such a boy thing to do isn’t it in. It’s like a like a tortoise pulling its head in.

01:39.46
katrinamcollier
And.

01:39.91
Jeff Weigh
How to express it. You know outside of you know, sport or or those type of avenues where where there’s some kind of you know strength or or physicality involved where it’s okay to Express Anger or indeed rage outside of that. It’s It’s never really.

01:58.15
katrinamcollier
Um.

02:00.30
Jeff Weigh
Encouraged or discussed and that for me was was was what was bubbling up because I felt I felt I needed to go somewhere that would would allow me to do that. But I didn’t know where to go.

02:12.65
katrinamcollier
Like a gym with a punching bag. No, that’s only a temporary solution is that? yeah.

02:18.50
Jeff Weigh
But that but that but that and that’s it I I’ve run a lot as you know and and and that was my outlet in terms of you know, moving some energy and ah moving certain emotions but you can’t run.

02:28.34
katrinamcollier
But it’s a band I’ve.

02:31.81
Jeff Weigh
And scream and shout at the same time because people will start to look at you as if you’re sometime a madman. So um, the gym has never really done it for me I’ve I’ve never really enjoyed that that kind of indoor sweaty environment with with other people. Um, but again, that’s.

02:39.66
katrinamcollier
Ah, yeah.

02:48.50
katrinamcollier
Um, but it’s only a plaster isn’t it. It’s not really fixing the problem.

02:50.23
Jeff Weigh
But but it is no all you’re doing is you’re you’re kind of overlaying that with with strength. Um rather than actually getting to the root. So I knew it was time.

02:57.88
katrinamcollier
Um, a.

03:02.40
katrinamcollier
Well, in fact, it’s It’s one of the um overexercising is actually one of the symptoms of detaching from trauma I’ve discovered that while I was writing the book because your if it’s almost an addiction like an exercise addiction rather than fixing the source you’re numbing it.

03:09.82
Jeff Weigh
Tm.

03:14.32
Jeff Weigh
To and and and it’s where a lot of men go first because you’re with those men then so it’s kind of reaffirming that this is an okay place to express and to do those types of things when when actually largely it.

03:20.38
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, no I’ve seen that.

03:29.88
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, so what? where did you find the the greatest healing that you’ve done like the thing that really got to that the cause of the anger and allowed you to release it.

03:33.29
Jeff Weigh

You’re not able to to release that own trauma.

03:48.70
katrinamcollier
Was there 1 thing was there anything to do with those crazy ice baths I see you having where I’m just like yeah no I know people love them. But I’m just not there. Ah.

03:53.94
Jeff Weigh
Ah, so the the the the crazy ice bust is is a byproduct really? um and a practice which which I’ve continued but but but the place for me that that allowed me to to really go into.

04:00.52
katrinamcollier
Ah, yeah.

04:05.88
katrinamcollier
In.

04:11.50
Jeff Weigh
My emotions and expressed them was was a retreat and I went on a five-day retreat with a wonderful organization called men without masks and I had some awareness of them leading up to even before the pandemic.

04:13.30
katrinamcollier
Are.

04:21.75
katrinamcollier
Yep.

04:27.70
Jeff Weigh
I knew they did retreats but I looked at them and it scared the life out me because I thought oh my goodness. Um I’m I’m I’m Goingnna have to open up here and it wasn’t ready. Yes, it it.

04:28.60
katrinamcollier
Um, and.

04:30.51
katrinamcollier
A. Or when I’ve spent years putting those masks on and masks and masks and masks. Yeah.

04:42.77
Jeff Weigh
Exactly and and and that’s what resonated with me I could see just from the website that actually I’d been wearing a lot of masks but I wasn’t ready at that point in 2019 when I first came across them. Um and it was only in 2020

04:52.32
katrinamcollier
Um.

05:00.65
katrinamcollier
Who.

05:01.61
Jeff  Weigh
Do that I actually found the courage. In fact, no, it’s 21 that I found the courage to inquire. Um I couldn’t do the September retreat but I was free in November December if well

05:08.39
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

05:14.63
katrinamcollier
Ah, dynamic timing ah or divine timing I should say divine timing. Yeah to which is good. Can we go back to that fear for a moment because this is this is my thing so much motivation behind this book is.

05:20.74
Jeff Weigh
It is if you like the cold except I was free and I could go. Yeah.

05:33.30
katrinamcollier
You know one? it’s it’s medical professionals talking you out of help or it’s it’s fear talking you out of seeking help. But what? what made you do it? What made you just get to that point where actually the pain was greater than the fear and you could pick up that phone or. I’m sure you didn’t pick up a phone one doesn’t do that in 2021? What made you fill the format and hit enter.

05:52.23
Jeff Weigh
Um, I nearly I nearly didn’t go is is is the honest truth. Um, and this this this notch sound a little bit strange but I was ready to go I wanted to go.

05:58.63
katrinamcollier
Oh yeah.

06:06.90
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

06:09.90
Jeff Weigh
Was curious enough to inquire. But then I only asked 1 question of the of the founder Craig Whitene I asked him if I’d be able to speak to my wife and my daughter each day whilst I was on retreat because certainly in the case of.

06:22.26
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

06:28.60
Jeff Weigh
Um, my youngest Jess um, there’s never been a day in her life that I haven’t spoken to um when he came back and said no I immediately said to my wife I’m ah I’m not going and she was like what do you mean? you’re not going I said well I can’t speak to you each day I’m not going.

06:34.40
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, who.

06:47.41
Jeff Weigh
And it sounds a bit strange but but actually I think going back to your point in your question. There was this real fear. Okay, that that actually I just needed a reason not to go and when the dates were available. It was like ah I’m going to have to go. Yeah, it can change.

06:53.99
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

07:03.35
katrinamcollier
A demo. The dates are available. Ah.

07:06.58
Jeff Weigh
Exactly I was I was hoping they weren’t available but they were and then when that came back. It was like no and I did like my reaction was I’m not going and she was like don’t be daft. You know this is important to you. You’ve expressed that you want to do some work on yourself and.

07:09.30
katrinamcollier
Ah, yeah.

07:13.71
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

07:20.52
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

07:23.68
Jeff Weigh
You know you’ve got some stuff that you want to work through you need to go and I was like no, no, no no and I’ve got proper kind of throwing my toys out the pram and for for 48 hours that was the space I was in until I yes.

07:33.90
katrinamcollier
Ah, yeah, yeah, so your your to me it sounds like your inner child was feeling quite scared and out came the inner team with the I’m not going I’m throwing my toys I’m slamming doors. Yeah.

07:43.60
Jeff Weigh
Yeah, yeah. And what came through in that 48 hours was was this real guilt within me. It wasn’t just the fear. It was the real guilt of and it went back to my childhood which in in a lot of cases it it will do for for most people it was this guilt of.

07:54.48
katrinamcollier
Um, ah yeah, yeah, yes.

08:06.12
Jeff Weigh
How could I go and do something just for me. How could I put myself first. Um and my conversations that followed that with Emma were around will you be okay, will you really be okay, if I’m away for five days well what will you do if this happens or do-da-da-da and it was like.

08:07.35
katrinamcollier
Are.

08:25.58
Jeff Weigh
Was playing out all the scenarios because really my guilt was coming up when it was I could feel my whole. Yeah I’m not worthy. How could I go and do this for me and leave important people in my life behind that I can’t help or be there for for those five days

08:30.76
katrinamcollier
I’m not worth it. Yeah yeah.

08:41.41
katrinamcollier
But actually I would think by going and releasing that anger and the guilt and the shame I’m feeling a loads in my throat Chakra So there’s lots in that like upper.

08:55.90
Jeff Weigh
Um.

08:56.58
katrinamcollier
Have to focus on me I have to talk about me but releasing all of that makes you a better father surely and a better husband and a better coach a better human. Yeah.

09:01.92
Jeff Weigh
Um, hundred percent hundred percent hundred percent yeah in in all in all facets and all areas of my life I am not the version of Jeff way that went on that retreat in November December Twenty one

09:18.27
katrinamcollier
So What was it about it specifically that just what was the one of all of it without giving too much away because I don’t you know I don’t I don’t want you to delve into the private. But what was it What? what gave you that space. That safety to go I can now let go this I can address it.

09:38.72
Jeff Weigh
I I arrived with one objective and that was to embrace and be open to whatever was put in front of us I deliberately didn’t ask any questions about the five days um I didn’t want to know.

09:49.79
katrinamcollier
Um, tough bird.

09:53.32
katrinamcollier
Amazing.

09:56.65
Jeff Weigh
Just I just felt this deep sense of trust and safety even before I arrived and and the moment I arrived is a wonderful venue near Skipton called Broughton Hall an absolutely stunning place to be I felt safe.

09:59.12
katrinamcollier
And.

10:15.93
Jeff Weigh
Of course I was nervous I was on edge so were the other 20 men. Um, you know awkward it was clunky it it really was um but I went with that intention and that objective to to be open and to embrace it and I quickly felt.

10:19.87
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

10:34.18
Jeff Weigh
Safe enough to be able to open up and express things that I I’d never expressed things I’d never shared you know from from my childhood from my boarding school experience. You know the relationship with with with my mom. The relationship with my grandparents I’d never expressed.

10:39.48
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

10:54.13
Jeff Weigh
Any of this but I could express all of that and more in that safe space during those five days and I felt this huge sense of not only relief but release but also lightness during those five days

11:09.43
katrinamcollier
Um, yes, yes yeah.

11:14.24
Jeff Weigh
I Felt um like I’d unburdened it and and I let I let out all the emotions and all the suppressed and and stored emotions. You know there was anger in there. There was frustration. There was guilt. There was sadness. There was shame things that you you don’t.

11:28.44
katrinamcollier
In.

11:33.52
Jeff Weigh
Get into conversation with people every day about because it’s like who you know we we go through this this life transacting and ask asking people and how are you? Yeah I good that said you yeah no I’m dealing with some unresolved trauma. Oh well I’ve got emails to go and do it just.

11:35.65
katrinamcollier
No yeah.

11:47.87
katrinamcollier
Yeah, I’m great. Ah yeah I know hold that thought yeah.

11:53.32
Jeff Weigh
It doesn’t exactly but but it it. Yeah I’ve got time book. Can you book it in for 10 to 5 We’ll discuss this later on it’s like it doesn’t happen and for me I was able to express all of this and and get it out without judgment.

12:02.25
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

12:09.50
katrinamcollier
Um, yes.

12:12.22
Jeff Weigh
And also feel within that group. Every group is is very different but every group is very special and and and what blew me away was the facilitators were also part of this experience. They weren’t a traditional facilitator on the side saying right man this is what we’re going to go through now.

12:25.10
katrinamcollier
Um, and then.

12:31.84
Jeff Weigh
They were in it and I’ve not experienced anything like that in 20 years of working in leadership development I’ve always been the one at the front given instruction or guiding and then coaching and asking questions. These guys were in it. They were sharing their yes.

12:33.88
katrinamcollier
Ah, wow, It’s amazing front. Yes, yeah, so they were being open and raw.

12:50.32
Jeff Weigh
Yes.

12:50.47
katrinamcollier
And giving you that safe space I Want to just say something that you mentioned a second ago before I go on I’ve got another question for you but that it was funny when when I started the work and and some of what you’re talking about that with the’re releasing the shame the Anger a lot of it wasn’t even mine as well. Which was you know I’d I because I’m an empath So I’d absorbed it from my parents but the.

13:02.89
Jeff Weigh
Um, no.

13:10.26
katrinamcollier
That feeling of there’ll be a huge empty space if I let go of that. Yeah, there is it fills out with the most amazing light like you just said it you feel lighter. You’re not carrying this heavy I For some reason want to say Turred ah front inside and and then suddenly it’s just.

13:18.42
Jeff Weigh
Yeah. But it is.

13:29.94
katrinamcollier
You fill it with love and light and it’s it’s weird because there’s almost this I can’t let this go. It’s the only thing I know it’s very strange. Um, how did people react around you. So while you’re there and you’re finally saying all of this stuff. You’ve never said to anybody how did they react.

13:48.11
Jeff Weigh
Um, with love and and that and and and that really blew me away with with I I feared I feared judgment I feared.

13:48.68
katrinamcollier
Right? Yeah, what did you expect or what did you fear? oh.

14:05.29
Jeff Weigh
That I would I would be the odd one out I fear I feared that I would I would look like the only one that’s experienced this and actually what I realized and and this was similar to it for a lot of men on that particular retreat was.

14:15.74
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

14:24.99
Jeff Weigh
When you started to listen to other men you you then started to think oh bloody hell they’ve experienced a lot worse than me. But but they haven’t necessarily experienced a lot worse than you. They’ve they’ve had their own experiences and they’ve been carrying their own trauma. But we quickly because of how our brain and how we’ve been programmed is we start to compare and it was like wo it it is because then we we start to kind of almost devalue and that’s where I was in the first day but then the second day it was like no, it’s.

14:43.99
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

14:47.30
katrinamcollier
Oh I know it’s so Annoying. Don’t do that. And.

15:03.61
katrinamcollier
No.

15:04.00
Jeff Weigh
There’s no level here. There’s no kind of scale of all that person’s had more trauma than me it was like no we we all arrived for a reason and everybody was able to open up an express in their way in their time.

15:13.93
katrinamcollier
Yes, it’s assassinated. Um.

15:23.31
Jeff  Weigh
And and and it was beautiful to to be held in that space by 20 men that I did not know beforehand and to feel love and care and and and no judgment. Lots of acceptance.

15:23.34
katrinamcollier
A.

15:41.32
Jeff Weigh
To be seen and to feel that self worth Wow that that that just that blew me away completely.

15:41.40
katrinamcollier
A.

15:49.61
katrinamcollier
Enormous. Yeah I think it’s so important the point you make there about comparison because when I talk to people about you know it was narcissistic abuse it was emotional and physical abuse that I see from my mother and and then people will make ah oh well. You know my trauma wasn’t as bad as your trauma person about that. It’s about what are you holding inside that you need to let go so you can be the best version of you for you? Ah, like for yourself so you can just feel happiness and joy and light light. You said that before it’s.

16:06.93
Jeff Weigh
Now.

16:15.57
Jeff Weigh
Um, yes.

16:21.58
Jeff Weigh
I I wouldn’t even have referred to my experiences as trauma before I arrived in that space because I was like I lost my dad I went to board in school I got on with it I wasn’t poor.

16:23.96
katrinamcollier
And.

16:29.25
katrinamcollier
Are yeah, are.

16:41.61
Jeff Weigh
Wasn’t rich I’ve done. Okay I didn’t see it as trauma but up leading up to that point I’d read and listened to a lot of gabo mate and and his work and it and it it actually made me realize that as a seven year old boy losing a father and then.

16:49.59
katrinamcollier
I.

16:58.79
Jeff Weigh
Going to boarding school for the next ten years and therefore having a disconnected relationship with with my mother that’s traumatic. It might not be it and and that’s how I felt but I could I could never express that until.

17:05.93
katrinamcollier
Well, you’re abandoned twice? Yeah yeah.

17:17.30
Jeff Weigh
Arrived in that space and that was the realization for me quite early on I was abandoned but I’d never I’d never seen it that way and nobody had ever referred to it that way orlthough he had ever spoken to me about it in that way or checked in that I was okay, it.

17:22.40
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

17:34.99
Jeff
Life just happened like it does for most of us.

17:38.66
katrinamcollier
I Mean you can be I mean my father abandoned me and he was present. It’s like you can and I think it’s one of the biggest ones that and people again don’t necessarily realize or talk about it because we’re children and it’s not like your dad meant to die and it’s not like probably your mom.

17:43.00
Jeff
Um, yeah.

17:53.94
Jeff
Now.

17:57.90
katrinamcollier
Could only cope by sending you to boarding school. It’s just how it was and what happened but we we had the capacity to fix it. We have the capacity to do something about it and realize something is wrong. So why all men and actually I’ve noticed it’s the women that tend to go and seek help.

18:05.23
Jeff
Um, yeah.

18:15.47
katrinamcollier
We’re We’re a chatty lot aren’t we we love to go and speak it out and what’s what’s stopping men in your experience.

18:22.24
Jeff
Um, I think what I’ve noticed with with men is and and two degree women. But I think you are much better at this and you have you have led the way but you’ve led the way. Um, you know we we may have perceived it as you know.

18:30.10
katrinamcollier
Where a God we lost. Yeah.

18:39.20
Jeff
Lovely fluffy yoga retreats and in exotic places and and and all that which which which is a complete fallacy. It not like that at all. But you’ve led the way in terms of of being able to to feel in and and recognize your emotions. Well.

18:41.11
katrinamcollier
And.

18:50.77
katrinamcollier
Yeah, and create the that safe space to express the motions. We’re feeling.

18:54.67
Jeff
What I see with with most men and this was certainly it it exactly you know you you can talk generally speaking to another woman that you’re close to about your feelings and your emotions most men are shut off from here down.

19:09.33
katrinamcollier
Yes, yes, the podcast Jeff was just pointing at his chin. Ah because we can see each other. We forget that from the neck down. Yes.

19:13.65
Jeff
So so to feel it but from the neck down. Yeah, but but but that we shut off. Yeah we and it’s it’s from an early age. Yeah.

19:26.89
katrinamcollier
Societally, that’s what’s expected of a man isn’t it stiff upper a lip suck it up cro her. Ah yeah.

19:30.48
Jeff
Boys don’t cry stiff up a lip suck it up pick. Yeah yeah, and and and so we’ve we’ve shut off from from all of these emotions. Our nervous system from the neck down so we exist in our head and our head says something’s wrong. So what do I do as a man I fix it. Do I ask for help 99 times out 100 no because that would show a sign of weakness and men aren’t weak. We’re not supposed to show weakness exactly and so I think the purpose of bringing men together with just men.

19:52.37
katrinamcollier
No weakness stiff up bullet. Yeah.

20:10.41
Jeff
Allows for men to start to feel into what it’s like to be able to tap into what’s going on from the neck downwards and start to express it. You can’t talk about these things down the pub. You can’t talk about these things at the football match. Um, you can’t talk.

20:18.72
katrinamcollier
Are.

20:29.27
Jeff
About these things you know when you’re supporting your children playing football or hockey or netball on a Saturday or a Sunday morning. It just doesn’t exist and it doesn’t exist it exist in the workplace because again, you’ve got you’ve got more reinforcement of you know, male leaders and how they’re supposed to behave and.

20:35.26
katrinamcollier
Ah.

20:40.19
katrinamcollier
S.

20:48.67
Jeff
Again, we don’t show weakness. We don’t ask for help and there isn’t a space for it. So for me again, it it has to be the way that it is I think to begin with for now. So that men.

21:00.21
katrinamcollier
The.

21:04.60
Jeff
Become aware of what they’re feeling and feel safe enough and comfortable enough to to trust that it’s okay to open up and express and the amount of men that have opened up to me since the retreat some really good friends and talked to me about.

21:05.33
katrinamcollier
Are you.

21:18.81
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

21:23.19
Jeff
All sorts about their childhood their parents their relationships and it’s like that would never have happened if I hadn’t had the experience I had and been able to share some of it and and I give you 1 example I work a lot in the corporate space with leadership teams.

21:37.24
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, the old patriarchy imagine how it will change with this work. Yeah.

21:42.46
Jeff
And a sales director. Ah it it it but but but it it has to and I think it will do the more of it that we men kind of put themselves forward to do it I can remember being on the sales floor in 1 organization and the sales director.

21:54.79
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

22:02.18
Jeff
Approached me one day and leant in and said to me have I seen you hugging men on social media. This is about three months after the retreat and I leant in to him as well and I said yes.

22:13.34
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

22:20.13
Jeff
And it felt it feels great and on the back of that he was curious because again we don’t we don’t hug as much as we ought to. There’s so much that comes through that touch and that feel of of a hug and you can get it from a man or a woman.

22:20.78
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

22:31.17
katrinamcollier
Um, no earth.

22:40.10
katrinamcollier
Um, and you are a great hugger. You’re a great hugger. Yeah, and we had this moment didn’t we it was taken away the Pandemic took it away. So.

22:40.10
Jeff
And it’s any human being. Ah I I love I Love a hook.

22:50.93
Jeff
Yeah, and yeah.

22:54.81
katrinamcollier
If ever there was a time to like know what it really feels like when we don’t do that thing I got to hug Mark Longeran this week and it was just the best I haven’t seen him for years like I haven’t seen euphs and it was just the most beautiful platonic held on hug they’re just they’re magic can’t they and.

23:08.25
Jeff
But yeah, did they are.

23:12.97
katrinamcollier
When when these people these friends that you’ve known for eons who who suddenly open up and express all of this human side of them. Do you see them differently etc worth yeah.

23:22.60
Jeff
Yeah, hundred percent because of course in most cases better because because we we we think it’s only us that’s carrying around yes and and and you’re like.

23:32.40
katrinamcollier
Funny isn’t it. Yeah are you actually collect.

23:41.60
Jeff
Well no, that’s happening to him and it’s happening to him and actually it it exactly and and when when you create that space for for those types of conversations and that type of expression you you can.

23:41.99
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, and him and him and him and him and him.

23:58.78
katrinamcollier
Um, say.

24:00.80
Jeff
If you are tuned in and ah most most of us have a degree of emotion intelligence. You can see a shift in their physiology. You can see their shoulders drop. You can see a smile start to come through. You can see something happening around their throat shakra because they’re expressing.

24:00.87
katrinamcollier
Are.

24:06.18
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

24:16.79
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah I always feel that it’s amazing health and my throat will go off when someone’s wanting to speak. It’s like oh.

24:19.97
Jeff
As opposed to suppressing everything though.

24:29.48
Jeff
Yes.

24:30.46
katrinamcollier
You can if you just become aware that that oh that’s interesting like why is my ear suddenly hurting. Oh maybe they want to be heard you know and it’s like it’s quite interesting. Yeah I’ve but I’ve talked about all of that in the book. It’s all out there. So to anybody? yes yes and take that step.

24:41.95
Jeff
Um, but people need to realize that. Yeah.

24:49.60
katrinamcollier
Anybody listening who perhaps is apprehensive is like you. They’ve found this amazing retreat or they’ve found a healer or whatever and they’re just what would you say to them like have you any regrets have you any words of wisdom for. Just to get someone to go take that I’m all about take 1 step because I think it’s the hardest.

25:12.16
Jeff
Yeah, the the first step is is the hardest what I found not just for myself. But but for other people who I’ve seen come through a retreat or or come through a similar experience or or just been curious and inquired and want want to know more.

25:15.48
katrinamcollier
M.

25:31.49
Jeff
Is the first step whilst it might be hard is not always as hard as we perceive. Okay, we we talk ourselves out of it. Um, and we say I’ll get round to it one day or the moment’s not right? but but actually if if you’re if you’re feeling something within you that’s out of.

25:50.40
katrinamcollier
Are.

25:50.74
Jeff
Out of sync and and and um wants to be expressed and perhaps hasn’t been expressed then you’re unlikely to express that to the people closest to you right now because you have a relationship with them. They have a perception of you. They they like a certain version of you or accept a certain version of you.

25:58.50
katrinamcollier
This.

26:09.41
Jeff
For you to then start to open up to them about you know in my case, you know losing my dad and being abandoned. It’s like well you know we’ve been together 12 years you know why are we talking about you feeling abandoned now have I done something wrong. It’s so it’s unlikely to happen. So the best thing for me in in terms of a suggestion would would be to.

26:14.37
katrinamcollier
A.

26:23.88
katrinamcollier
Ah.

26:28.60
Jeff
To seek out and and find one of those groups and there’s lots more of them there because men have realized that actually we need to have an outlet. Okay, we we are very fortunate as men to have a voice and to have privilege that that we have.

26:29.87
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, ah.

26:38.17
katrinamcollier
Yeah. Okay.

26:47.59
Jeff
Um, and I’m I’m never going to deny that we we do, um it’s shifting albeit slowly but actually what what we’re missing and this is again where where you women are leading the way is we’re missing those those outlets and those opportunities to really be able to express ourselves.

26:52.26
katrinamcollier
A.

27:00.00
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

27:06.56
katrinamcollier
Yes.

27:07.70
Jeff
More fully because what we do express now in work in life in relationships is only really a small percentage because we are withholding so much and and it takes a lot of energy and you’ll know this especially and and the people that you interact with will will also know this is.

27:16.79
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, um.

27:26.51
Jeff
It takes a lot of energy to hold that in and and when we’re holding it in we we can feel it in our body and and all we do into our nervous system is we’re keeping that fight fight and freeze system activated all the time and it’s not great. It’s not great for wellbeing. It’s not great for stress and and it’s causing.

27:27.17
katrinamcollier
Um, yes, yeah.

27:36.37
katrinamcollier
Are absolutely yeah.

27:45.81
Jeff
Without people realizing. It’s causing things like Burnout so men need an outlet and and I guarantee and I promise that that any man that goes out there and finds a group or goes on a retreat will will not only feel lighter as a result of it afterwards.

27:50.24
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

27:59.69
katrinamcollier
Um, if.

28:04.85
Jeff
But it will change their relationships with the important people in their life afterwards because that’s exactly what it’s done for me.

28:12.77
katrinamcollier
Because you’re you’re healing. You’re vibrating on a higher level. It’s ah it’s a lovely light level and everyone’s feeling it around you I mean I found going through my healing process Richard healed some of his stuff that he wasn’t even prepared to go and address but he just did it was almost like osmosis.

28:18.55
Jeff
Yeah.

28:28.40
Jeff
Yeah.

28:30.32
katrinamcollier
And and hence I know he’s my ex-husband but hence we so close because of that you know, raised in vibration as well. So will you go back and do more retreats with them. You said that they were launching something new before we came on live which has gone out of my head with my menopause brain. So good. But.

28:43.37
Jeff
So I I will go back and do a retreat at some point with them I’ve I’ve continued my journey with them I’ve done I’ve done some of their online programs and now now I’m fortunate enough to to be involved with men without masks and.

28:49.74
katrinamcollier
Yeah. Nothing.

29:01.17
katrinamcollier
Um, awesome.

29:02.34
Jeff
And actually lead their online program. So my my own healing journey doesn’t end. In fact, it it continues. Um, so I will I will do another retreat and I may well at some point um go on their king’s retreat which is to Peru.

29:10.95
katrinamcollier
That’s amazing.

29:18.76
katrinamcollier
Oh.

29:20.32
Jeff
Um, where where they where they take men through a 10 10 day experience which um, finishes with a climb up match a pitch you. So um, yeah for for me this this is integrated now into my being. Um.

29:28.56
katrinamcollier
Nature fish is amazing. You have to do that.

29:37.73
Jeff
I Do a lot of daily practices as you know, including cold water ice baths. Um because and and I’m not I’m not going to try and convince you today. But what I’ve realized with the cold water is. It’s so it’s a wonderful way of moving out with that sympathetic nervous system.

29:38.52
katrinamcollier
Yeah, the ice buffs.

29:47.54
katrinamcollier
Ah, it’s not going to happen. Ah.

29:55.75
Jeff
That fight flight if you like that we we’re reacting we’re on edge all the time into the power sympathetic where we’re able to apply a bit of pressure to the brake pedal and slow down a little bit um and and and find ah a kind of a balance if you like within our nervous system. So I know it serves me well.

29:56.34
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

30:09.94
katrinamcollier
Are.

30:15.34
Jeff
It allows me to be a lot calmer and especially when I get angry and frustrated as I still do today I’m I’m human you know I have those emotions but it does allow me to regulate my my nervous system a lot more effectively alongside things like meditation.

30:17.61
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, calls you? How human? yeah.

30:31.00
katrinamcollier
Because you’ve dealt with you know you’ve dealt with stuff and therefore you’re not constantly on edge and it’s not constant. It’s like it’s in a moment and you can deal with it I love that if people wish to connect with you Jeff what’s the easiest the old.

30:34.43
Jeff
Yeah, yeah, not.

30:48.80
katrinamcollier
Linkedin you have a website was your website again. Yours are an authorfwa.com yeah and remind me of the name of your book again I can see it’s beautiful cover and the name of course with menopause’s brain is eluding me stuck now what no is that right? s.

30:49.43
Jeff
Jeff Waog yeah jeffwade dot com and they can find me on Linkedin They can find me on on all social media really.

31:04.95
Jeff
This yes, stuck stuck now. Thank you.

31:08.95
katrinamcollier
Such a great book. Yes, so there’s that as well. Thank you so much for your ah your rawness and your honesty I just I so appreciate I just inspiring people to get on the path. It’s so important. So thank you Jeff.

31:21.97
Jeff
You’re welcome. Thank you for inviting me along. It’s been an honor.

31:23.61
katrinamcollier
Oh and our honor is all mine I can assure you.