Lynn Hanford-Day: from breakdown to breakthrough
A marriage ending and Ovarian cancer later led Lynn to a breakdown. The thread that connected the three events went back to childhood, a fractured maternal bond, and the discovery that she was carrying anger, guilt and sadness. By being stopped in her tracks, she had to go on an inner journey and stop living in denial; losing her mind led her to find meditative art and the threads.
Lynn found it critical to accept and understand the impact of her mother’s narcissism and father’s abandonment on her self-worth-driving her to overachieve, be a perfectionist and burnout. In our conversation, you will hear many of Lynn’s a-ha moments, especially when she discovered self-compassion mindfulness and later attended the Celebration of Being’s Goddess workshop, which once and for all ejected the bullying voice in her head!
What an inspiration! Grab a cuppa and watch it below or find the podcast at Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and all the usual places. Be sure to share it! Let’s start a #lightrevolution.
Connect with Lynn at Sacred Intuitive Art and follow her on Instagram @SarcredIntuitiveArt
Full Unedited Transcript with Lynn Hanford-Day
00:00.84
katrinamcollier
Lynn Hanford-Day I am so excited to speak to you today on Beyond The Damage of Words, particularly as I know what you’re doing after this which is super exciting. We’ll get to that bit later so I just launched straight in this whole podcast is to inspire people to take a step and get into healing so what caused yours? What? where. How did you go from like something’s wrong to I’m starting I’m on the way what happened was there a journey. Yeah 30 minutes but they’ve all run over 30 minutes but we’re aiming at 30 minutes but
00:26.31
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, what happens how long have you got one go.
00:37.38
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, ah that yeah there were I’ve had some I say I’d say 3 significant life events but it wasn’t till the final one that I started to make sense of what had led to all of this. Ah so.
00:45.61
katrinamcollier
Who yeah.
00:56.78
Lynn Hanford-Day
NinetyNinetySeven I ended my marriage ah which caused me far more distress later than it did at the time. Um, that caught up with me in 2004 I had ovarian cancer.
00:56.86
katrinamcollier
M.
01:05.85
katrinamcollier
Ah.
01:13.72
Lynn Hanford-Day
So I had a big health crisis and considered my own mortality and then in 2013 I had a breakdown and a lot of burnout. We talk about burnout now looking back on all of that the thread that connects.
01:14.26
katrinamcollier
Christ.
01:29.16
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.
01:33.17
Lynn Hanford-Day
Those 3 things that may seem unconnected when you just list them goes right back to my childhood and the dreadful dreadful relationship I had with my mother she died in 2017 and prior to that.
01:33.93
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.
01:44.25
katrinamcollier
What.
01:51.56
Lynn Hanford-Day
We had been estranged for 8 years so I kind of exited her out of my life divorced my mother, whatever kind of language you want to use but at the time I just thought I could write more.
01:52.67
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
01:59.81
katrinamcollier
I I call it stepping out of the just yeah I call it stepping out of the destruction path I leave them off doing their stuff and yes I hear you on that.
02:07.65
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yeah, yeah, so that was the beginning of 2009 so in that run up to my kind of falling apart in 2013 I effectively orphaned myself from my mother.
02:20.96
katrinamcollier
E.
02:26.86
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, hadn’t seen her didn’t want to I was very very angry and I also became very aware of a lot of grief around ending my marriage So fifteen years later I was suffering a lot.
02:38.30
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
02:42.22
Lynn Hanford-Day
About the impact of that choice particularly on my son so I was carrying a lot of mother guilt. Um, so and various it’s been so it’s yeah.
02:50.76
katrinamcollier
It’s funny. There is no time frameme. Yeah, but there is no timef frameme on all of this It’s quite interesting. How people are say oh wish I’d started earlier over it happens when it happens and. If. It took you 15 years to realize you were grieving. It took you. It’s luck it. It’s funny how we feel like well it should have happened in the first twelve months or but actually there’s no timeframe. It’s at least she got there.
03:09.34
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yeah, no, no, no, there isn’t list I got and and my yeah it was my body decided. Yeah, it’s funny like you know I had a major health crisis in 2004 which was.
03:20.58
katrinamcollier
M the universe going Hello Prod prod.
03:29.32
Lynn Hanford-Day
Ideas getting divorced and then you can look at the links between body mind emotion illness that gets bored at a cellular level and so on um, follow people like louise hay and the link between various illnesses or ailments physical.
03:38.21
katrinamcollier
Um.
03:41.72
katrinamcollier
Yes, yes.
03:46.63
Lynn Hanford-Day
Pain and so on and what it might mean emotionally and ah that I train a psychotherapist as well. So I did all 3 years on on body psychotherapy so I did a lot of work around the body.
03:46.81
katrinamcollier
Absolutely yeah because it’s dis ease isn’t it. Yeah. Yeah, well they call it dis ease don’t they like not disease like it’s so often we internalize it and I do and I feel like almost you were given it was like the universe gave you a nudge with that health crisis and then it gave you another one and then it went Okay, you haven’t listened here. You go.
04:04.35
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um.
04:15.34
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yeah, absolutely it did it divided for me and yeah and a lot of people ask about work related stress and there’s a fair amount of stuff kind of just out there as Burnout’s getting more attention now and it’s often.
04:17.47
katrinamcollier
Burnout I print it? yeah.
04:28.17
katrinamcollier
M.
04:34.51
Lynn Hanford-Day
Associated with work related stress and overwork that for me I’d say the cause of me falling apart was deeply deeply emotional and very much about loss and a lot of things just came together and work with my saviour I put myself.
04:43.57
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.
04:50.26
katrinamcollier
M.
04:52.85
Lynn Hanford-Day
Into my job I became my job which wasn’t healthy I had nothing else to live for that kind of thing so it sustained me for a long time until physically my body as you said, just said right, You’re going to stop leg. Yeah.
04:55.88
katrinamcollier
Mask. Yes.
05:05.54
katrinamcollier
Enough We’re gonna you have a choice here die or fix it like that’s that’s basically where you got to isn and it’s interesting. You say that because we talk a lot about numbing. Don’t we like avoidance and it actually I wonder if we use workers another almost like alcohol almost like drugs as a numbing tool.
05:09.88
Lynn Hanford-Day
Dear.
05:22.81
Lynn Hanford-Day
Totally totally.
05:24.82
katrinamcollier
Because if I can at least succeed in that and so I do wonder can we really separate and I’m no expert like me in any of this can we really separate the burnout at work I think so much of it happens from a lack of boundaries and a lack of self-worth and ah Because. You wouldn’t let yourself get to that point if you had those and then that often comes from something that’s happened either a traumatic childhood or this yeah.
05:47.78
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yes I can I completely agree and so yeah I’ve always described myself as a work enthusiast. Yeah, so so I’ve always put myself you know, commit to something. Um.
06:02.89
katrinamcollier
Mm Yeah yeah.
06:03.28
Lynn Hanford-Day
And seek to overachieve. Yeah, overachieever ah Perfectionist Tenden is wildly ambitious, not for myself in terms of career. But in terms of what I can deliver you know so the emphasis on deliver inside an organization. So I played into all of that and was very.
06:13.10
katrinamcollier
Mu. Yeah mm.
06:23.21
Lynn Hanford-Day
Successful in terms if you want to measure success by career and at the same time I really thank what happened in 13 because I was literally stopped in my tracks and I went on a very very deep inner.
06:26.10
katrinamcollier
Yes.
06:33.77
katrinamcollier
M.
06:42.20
Lynn Hanford-Day
Journey and it was far more scary than having you know, possibly a terminal illness with cancer. You’re either going to die or you aren’t and very lucky I was given another chance and I’m still here but with.
06:49.58
katrinamcollier
Um, yes, ah yes, yeah, and now you’re helping others so you yeah.
07:01.59
Lynn Hanford-Day
Losing my mind was like God yeah because I felt like I was losing my mind.
07:07.70
katrinamcollier
So what did so you felt like you were losing your mind but you still took a step so what? what did you do? What was the first thing you read I need help this way or did you go into your art then like what what did you do first.
07:15.74
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah, no it. Um for a walk because I had dreadful insomnia so um, initially I was. Caught up with denial I wasn’t ill I kept saying to my doctor I’ve got to get back to work I’ve got the budget to do this was January Twenty Thirteen I’m the hr director I have the budget to do and what actual team you know so I was still caught up with that.
07:48.30
katrinamcollier
Yes, yeah.
07:50.11
Lynn Hanford-Day
And I’d say um in denial for about three months right through to easter time. Ah um I had bought a painting from an artist who happened to live a few miles away.
07:53.77
katrinamcollier
Wow. Yeah, yeah.
08:04.72
Lynn Hanford-Day
And I’d collected it from her before Christmas and she’d asked if she could put me on her email list because she occasionally ran workshops. So I said fine and I received an email from the universe or from fee.
08:10.68
katrinamcollier
Um, Wow. Yeah, thank you universe.
08:20.23
Lynn Hanford-Day
Bed I’m going to run six weeks of meditative art workshops in her home and I had no idea what that was but at the time the kind of headspace app was really growing in popularity.
08:25.23
katrinamcollier
Ah.
08:34.31
katrinamcollier
Room.
08:37.36
Lynn Hanford-Day
And I I thought to myself I need to learn to meditate. So this meditative art. Oh it’s meditation. My counsellor had said you’re not well enough to meditate and she was right actually which sounds very kind of curative. She said you need to learn.
08:41.45
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.
08:50.63
katrinamcollier
Oh oh my. That’s funny. Oh I didn’t take that well at all I thought that was dreadful advice. How interesting but you say she was right? oh.
08:55.70
Lynn Hanford-Day
Lack. Yes, she was a very wise woman. She said because Meditation is actually quite an active process really or no, it’s about managing thoughts and so on and seeking to calm.
09:09.14
katrinamcollier
Yeah, you’re right.
09:14.46
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, but it requires focus to do it that I didn’t have and she said you need to learn to relax and she gave she said I’ll prove it to you and she gave me a meditation Cd which I switched off after 20 minutes just I couldn’t cope with it.
09:19.16
katrinamcollier
Just stink.
09:30.48
katrinamcollier
I’m impressed. You got 20 minutes though
09:32.81
Lynn Hanford-Day
So I remember it’s about I was being a mountain or something and thought I’m not a mountain at all this problem but the potddle on the floor and I can’t sleep. So um.
09:38.66
katrinamcollier
So yes, your ego it was up. There wasn’t it going pick pick pick pick pick.
09:49.66
katrinamcollier
I See you’re right? You’re right about it being active I hadn’t thought about it that way but it truly is isn’t it because it took me ages to try to meditate and you’re right because it is that process of actively getting in a critic ego. Whatever you’d like to call it to sure so you can actually be still and in the moment.
09:50.88
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yeah off I trucked so this. But.
09:59.28
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um.
10:06.30
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah, yeah.
10:08.45
katrinamcollier
Yeah, true. So instead you went and did this amazing course. Oh how beautiful.
10:12.75
Lynn Hanford-Day
I did the it was in fee’s kitchen it was lovely. There were only 4 of us 1 of whom was a mum so I was fed you know, herbal tea and homemade lemon drizzle cake I remember that and um I found myself drawing circles.
10:22.82
katrinamcollier
Perfect.
10:29.10
Lynn Hanford-Day
Constantly drawing circles. Ah so I bought the coloring book color book of mandars and collidoscopes because I’d always enjoyed those patterns as a child and I love spirag glu so I would spend a couple of hours in the afternoon coloring in.
10:29.75
katrinamcollier
And strangely you still do yeah. Yeah.
10:47.41
Lynn Hanford-Day
Because it was the 1 thing that stopped the infernal chatter in my head and it became the meditation so that’s I ah yeah, it was coming that color. No it was just.
10:51.53
katrinamcollier
Yeah, but it was also in a child play. It was releasing the creativity wasn’t it. It was all you probably didn’t know you. That’s what you were doing.
11:06.86
Lynn Hanford-Day
Something I think it was about using my hands something about color in what was a very black and white bleak kind of period of time I Loved the color from the pencils. Um, and the main thing was it stopped.
11:16.10
katrinamcollier
Um, time.
11:23.28
Lynn Hanford-Day
The noise in my head so it was a relief and in that sense it was healing. Um, and so oh yeah.
11:23.48
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, and it’s interesting because the ten years later you’re still very much on the circles I mean anyone understand the podcast can’t see that there’s one of your pieces of heartwork right? behind you and in fact, this went up on my wall which is. Also got circles in it just that you can just about say it. Yeah I know I love it. absolutely love it obviously I’ve got another pi and I’m going to get one of your um birth charts at some point I’m going to do that some it’s on the list. Um I’m running out of walls though. So so balancing this.
11:42.42
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah was the manjola. Um.
11:59.23
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um.
12:00.70
katrinamcollier
I want this but I have very few woves So what else did you? do you mentioned that you did another course and I know we’ve talked about the one that I can never remember the name of because it’s complicated did any of those help because I can imagine that it’s great that you went into the metatuive state. But how did it help with the self-esteem and the.
12:12.69
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um.
12:19.41
katrinamcollier
The inner voice and the like releasing the trauma from your mom.
12:21.22
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah, yeah, this was in combination with a lot of therapy and I’d had a lot of therapy over the preceding years
12:26.36
katrinamcollier
And yeah.
12:31.86
Lynn Hanford-Day
And were trained as a therapist as well. So you know I spent 5 years training so I’ve had years of therapy um, didn’t see the breakdown coming. That’s like it’s cobbleler’s children that. So.
12:39.93
katrinamcollier
Ah, no I know it’s a bit ironic isn’t it. Yeah, but we don’t see our life lessons. This is the hardest thing so we can often look at someone else and go oh my gosh look. But they’re about to do it but you can’t see your own until you wake up and go oh there. It is.
12:59.94
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah, so I was seeing this lovely lady who was a mindfulness teacher who’d advise me not meditate just yet. Um and revisited a lot of stuff which was to do with my mom.
13:04.80
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:15.83
Lynn Hanford-Day
And at this point 13 I was still estranged from her I didn’t want to have any contact with her. Um and it was making sense. Well not so much making sense but coming to a point of acceptance about.
13:16.60
katrinamcollier
Ah.
13:23.81
katrinamcollier
Ah.
13:31.85
katrinamcollier
Ah.
13:33.36
Lynn Hanford-Day
The reality of the experience I’d had. She’s a very narcissistic mother. Um, very cruel I know your books about words yet, words really hurt? Really yeah and I was.
13:41.19
katrinamcollier
Fabulous. Yeah well my mom’s a narcissist as well. So yes, words they’re the ones that sting.
13:53.16
Lynn Hanford-Day
Incredibly fond of my dad. She was very jealous of that and so she interfered with that relationship from when I was probably about 12 of.
13:55.39
katrinamcollier
Yes, oh my gosh same.
14:06.92
Lynn Hanford-Day
And spent a lot of time confiding in me inappropriately because really is still a child but she was trying to drive the wedge between us by pointing out all his faults. Um, and she had volcanic anger. So I lived in fear of her. Um.
14:09.63
katrinamcollier
Her and.
14:22.51
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.
14:25.82
Lynn Hanford-Day
Because she would just vomit words at my dad and at me and he would escape at the time we lived in Cornwall and we lived above a shop and there was a cellar where his workshop was so he would go there. He was a watchmaker so he would go and.
14:34.62
katrinamcollier
Um.
14:36.59
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
14:44.11
Lynn Hanford-Day
Do watch things and I was left with her so I would escape to my bedroom. Um and I couldn’t make sense of it and I spent most of my life not making sense of why I thought she hated me and it’s like why? why.
14:46.49
katrinamcollier
Um, and.
14:48.81
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
14:55.38
katrinamcollier
No oh this is all so familiar. Yeah yeah.
15:03.75
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, I so despicable and clearly as a child and later as an adult that all gets internalized and becomes a massive impact on self-worth which I sought overcome looking back on it All. By being a high performing individual. Yes, Yeah so I got myself worth through work and it became yes.
15:26.89
katrinamcollier
Yeah, um, defectionism all of those things that we see in the workforce that lead to burnout. Yeah.
15:35.57
katrinamcollier
Yeah, and really it was more a mask wasn’t it because it wasn’t really who you are. Yeah oh my gociously so familiar. It’s so funny I’ve known you for so long but you we don’t have these kind of we have some kind of conversations but we’re so often talking about your art aren’t we all.
15:40.78
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yeah.
15:44.66
Lynn Hanford-Day
Ah, yeah, know Yeah, we are hope that’s.
15:53.18
katrinamcollier
Something like that. So um and you did the beautiful picture for Lance who actually talk about in the book because he was um labrador but he helped me so much on my journey to healing and actually finding that Self-love you know, tapping into the inner child and all that sort of stuff you’ve done it through your art I did it through him just that learning to play.
16:07.88
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yes, yes, Absolutely yeah, yeah, that’s important because what conditional love that they bring. Yeah I.
16:13.90
katrinamcollier
as as been oh and obviously the work with Michelle as well. So what do you How how? yeah so how did you journey like was it was there any particular technique or any method or any anything that just really got you from that. Lacking self-worth too as you know what? I’m fine I’m happy with who I am I am who I am and because the the switch is so important isn’t it.
16:33.74
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, well yeah I um it is I’ve I’ve done a lot of different things over the years so it was I think it was Ninety Ninety Nine I trained in reiki.
16:52.18
katrinamcollier
Um, Wow That’s early. Yeah brilliant. Yeah.
16:52.33
Lynn Hanford-Day
Lot know this it was early um and then I trained in spiritual healing which is very similar to Reiki that was in 2004 ah and but by then I was also doing the psychotherapy training and a lot of it was around the body.
17:08.93
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.
17:10.96
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, as neuroscience has shown more and more over the years since then that trauma is held in the body. So I did a lot of that and I was fascinated with energy healing and.
17:18.41
katrinamcollier
Who yes.
17:24.69
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.
17:27.69
Lynn Hanford-Day
Chakras and shakrahi. So yeah I’m going back over 20 years when I got caught up with all of that and I would seek those kinds of practitioners then it became more about talking therapy.
17:34.58
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.
17:41.11
katrinamcollier
M.
17:43.65
Lynn Hanford-Day
And there was one particular therapist who I saw for over four years who usually important in my own healing and fully enough. She was also a trained arts therapist. So um, what memories of her using some of those techniques with me.
17:48.81
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, ah.
17:59.23
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yes.
18:01.83
Lynn Hanford-Day
Also a buddhist and she had drained in a particular form of therapy that is based on Mindfulness So without realizing it I was stepping towards something with her practitioner in late.
18:08.66
katrinamcollier
Yeah I almost feel like it’s It’s once you start the like it’s almost synchronicity isn’t it. Ah you know things you talk about the email arrived in your inbox the art and so on.
18:20.95
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah, yeah.
18:27.58
katrinamcollier
You know you are incredibly talented I Love your art So it’s that Well we’ll just keep placing the right people in your path and it’s up to us to notice and go you know and things too. You know I had um I talk about one of my the past life regressions I had and meeting this person in this life was because I just.
18:34.31
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yes, yes, yes.
18:45.12
katrinamcollier
Got a random email in my inbox and I actually went I’m going to go to that and I don’t normally and it was like I followed that synchronicity and yeah, so powerful. Amazing.
18:51.41
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yes, yeah, and then following twenty thirteen I got I returned to something to do with the work of Carl Jung um and I got very very.
19:01.89
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yes.
19:07.52
Lynn Hanford-Day
Ah, interested in archetypes and the kind of archetypes alive in me I’ve always been fascinated with tarot and oracle decks I have a massive collection of them. Ah because I love the ah hello. Um.
19:08.26
katrinamcollier
Prisoner. Yeah, the light right there I know.
19:27.27
Lynn Hanford-Day
So I started playing with those um as I started to recover I became entranced en chanted by the moon la luna ah and I started completing um Luna Diaries
19:28.26
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
19:37.20
katrinamcollier
Yes, it’s amazing.
19:46.66
Lynn Hanford-Day
In 2014 I had huge anxiety and panic attacks. It was a year of panic attacks and what I found by just completing these little lunar charts is my anxiety would peak before a full moon the moment. The full moon had passed.
19:49.61
katrinamcollier
Um.
19:54.90
katrinamcollier
Um.
20:04.77
Lynn Hanford-Day
I was fine and I was so relieved to discover that a lot of my anxiety was vibrational and energetic in response to the wider Cosmos you know so it was I found that remarkable. Yeah.
20:05.92
katrinamcollier
Oh.
20:15.48
katrinamcollier
Yeah, and yeah, so how’s that help so we we’re now nine years on and we’ve just had a massive superm moon and we’re coming up for August Eight I’ve no idea when I’m putting these podcast out. So but you know we’re in August currently.
20:26.30
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um.
20:34.48
katrinamcollier
But so how did you feel that Moon did you? How was it for you.
20:34.72
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um I do it varies in the new it varies. Um, and I I still track the dates of the full moon and the new Moon I Always put them.
20:45.68
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
20:48.32
Lynn Hanford-Day
My diary um and so sometimes I forget that we’re heading toward is particularly the full moon and I I will start to get quite agitated and then okay look where we’re heading those kind of bla.
20:55.70
katrinamcollier
And.
21:01.57
katrinamcollier
Because that’s the one that shines a light on everything isn’t it and it’s like what do you want to release like we’re showing it to you in that full moonlight I’ve got that right I haven’t eye and then the dark moon is for planting the seeds of what you want to manifest? Yes, yeah.
21:07.14
Lynn Hanford-Day
Next? yeah.
21:12.58
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yeah, the new lom. Yes, yeah, so did a lot of what.
21:18.17
katrinamcollier
Elizabeth Brew who I talk about has a few meditations around the moon that are absolutely beautiful which when I’m being really good I do too busy writing got 2 books to get out of my body. But.
21:23.71
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yes, yeah, ah and then I Well then I went down the mindfulness routes. Um.
21:37.30
katrinamcollier
Yep.
21:38.12
Lynn Hanford-Day
162017 something like that and I did mindfulness-based stress release which is the eight week course and then a couple of years later I did mindfulness- based cognitive therapy. They didn’t really help me. But.
21:44.28
katrinamcollier
And.
21:53.46
katrinamcollier
Interesting.
21:56.11
Lynn Hanford-Day
In the nbct training. There was some inclusion of mindful mindfulness self-compassion and just those 2 words selfcompassion really spoke to me and I gradually woke up to the need.
22:06.55
katrinamcollier
Um, comparison.
22:14.95
Lynn Hanford-Day
To be kind to myself. You read these words about gratitude and be kind to yourself or I did over and over and never really thought that they applied to me and then.
22:14.99
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
22:22.30
katrinamcollier
And didn’t get it.
22:30.56
Lynn Hanford-Day
I Ah did the self-compassion training twice because it was so powerful.
22:36.21
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, and it it is just that Um, and it’s such a release isn’t it. You know you do something wrong and instead of beating yourself Up. You’re like curious about it like oh what did I do that created that and what could I do different and it’s just to. Different.. It’s like talking to you like you wish you’d been spoken to as a child isn’t it that gentle, kind curiosity and just it’s okay, you know we’ll get through yeah that I like you very hard to get to that place. But oh thank goodness I did that ability to just be.
22:55.74
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, will yes, will yeah.
23:06.34
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:11.48
katrinamcollier
And I actually really grossly tell a vomit story but I was sick from eurythromycin when I was a child and my mother screamed at me because I didn’t make it to the toilet and then every time I would be 6 after that I would. Like hysterically sobbing like ridiculously upset and that’s often a sign isn’t it that there’s been a trauma and it was actually I was sitting on the back of the boat in Galapagos of all places feelinging seasick going. Oh no, I’m going to be the one I’m going to be sick and then got stupidly upset and then I was looking around me going.
23:29.20
Lynn Hanford-Day
And he.
23:43.61
katrinamcollier
But nobody else is upset. Everyone’s like being really kind and they’ve you know wrapped you up and they’re taken care of you. So what’s going on and that’s when I had to really pull that out I really get curious and kind with myself and then let it go I havepone opponent it away I actually said that correctly that’s really rare. Um, but it’s that.
23:56.24
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yes, um.
24:02.36
katrinamcollier
It’s getting to that point isn’t it. It’s such a journey particularly from childhood trauma to get to that self-compassion. So how about now we’re in 2023 how is it now are you still kind and compassionate with yourself or what makes you remember to do that or.
24:09.27
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah, um.
24:20.58
Lynn Hanford-Day
More Yes, the self like that is an ongoing piece of work. Yeah, and I’ve been on the planets a long time. Um, so.
24:23.76
katrinamcollier
Ah I’m not letting anyone off the hook here ah is the name. Yeah because we’re humans.
24:38.33
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yeah I literally decades I’m 62 so I have had decades of um, particular beliefs about myself that are not true. Um, and I can remember doing some personal development work of.
24:41.74
katrinamcollier
Um, no, ah.
24:48.45
katrinamcollier
M.
24:57.84
Lynn Hanford-Day
Seven or eight years ago I just give them a shout out. There’s an organization called celebration of being and don’t be put off by it being called a goddess workshop. Um, that’s living on a workshop for women. Um.
24:57.97
katrinamcollier
Oh. I will.
25:09.14
katrinamcollier
Oh I Love the goddesses though. Yeah.
25:15.16
Lynn Hanford-Day
And it’s very much based on systemic constellations work and following that weekend I felt such a shift in me that a voice in my head had gone.
25:19.67
katrinamcollier
Oh wow.
25:27.96
katrinamcollier
Um.
25:31.47
Lynn Hanford-Day
And that very bullying voice was the voice of my mother and she’d gone so that I think was twenty fifteen so as each year has passed by in the last ten years there have been shifts within me.
25:37.67
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.
25:46.65
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
25:51.29
Lynn Hanford-Day
And now in 2023 I’m the most content I’ve ever been in my life ever button yes b.
25:55.26
katrinamcollier
Yeah, do you feel light. It’s There’s a lightness isn’t there. There’s that lightness that ha like there’s an ease about life which probably should have always been there but again I think it’s like the the big.
26:06.73
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yes, yes.
26:11.65
katrinamcollier
Self-compassion has to go in the length of time like the forgiving yourself that you repeated almost like a broken record the the words over and over you know, hence this is like the podcast is beyond. So it’s people who’ve done the work and got beyond the damage but the book is about the initial damage and what I’ve done.
26:20.65
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, the s.
26:26.34
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah here we do? Yes, yeah.
26:29.60
katrinamcollier
Because it’s just we replay our little inner critic Just it’s like I could I could hear my mum hear and then she then I couldn’t hear her anymore. It went and I don’t actually know when I love that you had a real moment of knowing that at some point went and it was just so good. Life is just great after that.
26:41.27
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, what? yeah yeah, it What was very noticeable. It was joke. It’s like gosh you know this voice has gone. Yeah I don’t know who it was It was actually the facilitator said it the mother. Um, so.
26:48.55
katrinamcollier
You know.
26:55.59
katrinamcollier
Okay, yeah.
27:00.82
Lynn Hanford-Day
It’s like and then it was like is it is she going to come back is is this temporary? No one. No.
27:05.10
katrinamcollier
Nope Nope Nope gone that it really it does actually know it doesn’t a cut. Yeah, mine must be I don’t even know how long she certainly hasn’t come back I mean don’t be wrong. This story wrote its or I’ll say stupid things to myself but they’re not like ah the.. There’s not the energy behind the words because is it the vibration in your case, especially that because you feel that’s so much amazing.
27:22.47
Lynn Hanford-Day
No yeah, yeah, and the kindnie angst and yeah, it was bullying really and self- bullying but carrying her stuff really. I look back at her and yeah had her own trauma. Um and I feel much more compassion for her and so we reconciled three months before she died.
27:41.14
katrinamcollier
Carrying her stuff. Oh my gosh.
27:48.30
katrinamcollier
Oh.
27:56.99
Lynn Hanford-Day
My sister sent me a message to say that mum was very unwell and she was diagnosed pancreatic cancer and I was in the middle of a work contract which I ended and I’m extraordinarily grateful.
28:00.71
katrinamcollier
I mean.
28:10.58
katrinamcollier
Ah.
28:13.79
Lynn Hanford-Day
That I was able to spend that time with her before she died and I can remember seeing her for the first time in you know, 8 years and thinking my god you’re so small because oh physically I’m taller than her. She was a kind of five foot two petite.
28:14.91
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
28:21.65
katrinamcollier
Yeah, oh.
28:32.72
Lynn Hanford-Day
Woman and I’m five foot seven and I’m not petite but she was all this huge personality. Huge energy that filled a room and I was terrified of her so returning into her house to see her again.
28:42.15
katrinamcollier
Ochre Almost yeah um, yes.
28:52.63
Lynn Hanford-Day
Was very very scary and I’ve had idea what reception I was going to get um and so I just thought my God you’re so small. Why was I so frightened of you Her amazing.
29:03.91
katrinamcollier
That’s amazing. Yeah, but I know what you mean the Narcissist’s energy. Yeah oh I’m glad she had that I haven’t felt like I need or want that.
29:13.27
Lynn Hanford-Day
F.
29:20.15
katrinamcollier
I did see her after my father passed for twenty whole minutes um which were very weird 20 minutes um but I haven’t I’m glad you’ve had that closure I think where I find at the most upsetting is when other people sort of put their judgments on us who’ve chosen we like we’ve chosen to be out of the destruction path.
29:21.60
Lynn Hanford-Day
Are.
29:39.71
katrinamcollier
And there’s a lot of people out there be like but then your mom yeah that you wouldn’t say the same if it was my husband or a sibling or you know someone else a colleague abusing me the same way. So why is it acceptable. So I’m glad you got to that point where you were able and I think that compassion is so important.
29:50.21
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yes, yeah.
29:57.22
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah, yeah.
29:58.49
katrinamcollier
Getting to that point where you feel compassion for your abuser. You don’t because then you can forgive them and let them let it go and you’re no longer carrying their energy your energy. It’s just gone I’m so proud of you. It’s hard I know where you’ve come from. It’s like oh but it’s funny because we’re like there’s also this thing.
30:06.27
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yes, yeah.
30:18.48
katrinamcollier
Where in some ways it’d be great to have a quick process in a subtrice. It’s just it doesn’t matter if it takes 2 decades my case, it’s taken 12 years it doesn’t matter I feel like I’ll always be doing some kind of work because I’m sure there’ll always be something bubbling up where I’m like oh got triggered over something. What’s that about let’s heal that let that go and you know because there’s just this just stuff.
30:24.81
Lynn Hanford-Day
No.
30:35.54
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yes, absolutely the out that I.
30:38.20
katrinamcollier
Yeah, amazing. Um, what would you say to anybody who’s like hesitating where they ah realize that they need help. What would you say before they go to burnout route.
30:50.69
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, well I say listen to yourself really because at some level we know I was consumed with busyness. Yeah I was.
30:59.68
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, numbing with busyness.
31:03.71
Lynn Hanford-Day
Busy, busy, busy which numbs and makes it very hard to hear the the the inner voice to hear the heart speaking or to hear the soul speaking. Yes, yes yeah, and ah.
31:12.51
katrinamcollier
Yeah, which is the quiet 1 saying you need help isn’t it. Not this loud inner critic. It’s that little amazing.
31:22.89
Lynn Hanford-Day
To kind of follow the threads as well. You know this thing about fee and her meditative arts so much came from that you know in a very moment. But yes, the whole business The whole other love come from it.
31:30.49
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, a whole business and is isn’t that where you’re heading shortly off to say a gallery space.
31:44.21
Lynn Hanford-Day
I am because I moved to eastbourne four years ago with the intention of an art u go by the sea then we had a pandemic so I got the c it I have an art studio I still work off a table in my kitchen. But um i’ look.
31:45.92
katrinamcollier
Here. So.
31:52.97
katrinamcollier
Ah, yeah.
31:59.30
katrinamcollier
It’s a fabulous table though.
32:01.43
Lynn Hanford-Day
It is it will produce this amazing stuff. It’s so yeah I had a look on right move last week and as oh that’s an interesting middle space. So I’m going to go and have a look.
32:05.26
katrinamcollier
Ah, it does.
32:17.92
katrinamcollier
Oh I excited I’m so coming for the opening I’m just inviting myself to a new studio. Oh God The trouble is Ill leave with more art I’m running out of walls. Ah got to stop doing that every term and I oh.
32:23.27
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, will be used wealth and.
32:33.28
katrinamcollier
I’m literally running out of walls I’ll have to start swapping the art round. You know having a having a gallery of something. Ah I Lyn You are absolutely amazing. Um, what’s the easiest if people want to get in touch with you. What’s what’s your preference if they want to.
32:36.00
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um, yeah, or.
32:50.48
katrinamcollier
Reach out and say gosh one I don’t want to know more about your art and your story or whichever.
32:51.65
Lynn Hanford-Day
Yeah, my my website for my art is sacredintuitiveart.com you’ll find me there. It can reach me through that website and you can also reach me through Instagram.
33:00.56
katrinamcollier
I Will love it.
33:07.72
katrinamcollier
Yeah.
33:09.27
Lynn Hanford-Day
Where my handle is the same. It’s sacred intuitive art.
33:12.40
katrinamcollier
Sacred perfect and obviously mention that you heard Lynn Hanford-Daye here. Obviously it’s nice to know rather than a random person messages. You thank you? Thank you so much for your I just yeah brutal honest stay and rawness I’m just so incredibly humble. Thank you so much Lynn Hanford-Daye and.
33:18.69
Lynn Hanford-Day
Um.
33:27.80
Lynn Hanford-Day
Thanks for asking katrina.
33:31.93
katrinamcollier
Oh course.