What If It’s Not A Trauma Attic?

But what if the trauma is keeping you caged?

One of my favourite P!nk songs is her 2019 hit, My Attic. In particular, the words, ‘Inside this olive skin are paper-thin illusions that I’m tougher than I am. And I’m guarded, castle walls from all the falls And break up calls and ‘never should’ve beens’.

Though it’s written to explain why she’s not letting someone into her innermost thoughts, desires, and experiences, fearing judgement or even acceptance, it could easily be about how we self-sabotage by building a cage around our trauma. Believing our trauma wound is the size of a trunk or an attic. Insurmountable and to be kept buried and hidden.

But what if it’s a trauma pill box* that feels enormous because it’s buried under layers and layers and layers of defence? Layers that can be gently prised away to find a manageable and healable wound? What if healing is nothing like opening Pandora’s box?

I wrote The Damage of Words to openly and vulnerably share everything I threw at healing and to explain how it worked. It’s not a misery memoir written from a gaping wide core wound, aimed to evoke pity or, worse, trigger readers. My sister has repeatedly said that she could not have written with such sympathy (I prefer compassion) towards our mother; this is because I peeled away the layers and healed long before I started typing.

The words above are from a stranger whom I am awed chose to buy it. I’m hopeful that they will dive in because only one chapter focuses deeply on my childhood and even within it, I’ve explained why my mother behaves as she does. It’s generational.

Generational trauma is all too real, but imagine if it stopped with us. That’s my hope. That’s why I’ve explained my healing experiences, even though I feel like I am running stark naked down the road as I share my greatest mistakes and unusual healing experiences!

I wrote it for anyone who has a core wound: ‘the result of emotional pain and traumatic experiences we had growing up, that permeate our lives and impact our perceptions and actions in relation to ourselves and others.’ It is for anyone who has ever thought, ‘I will be abandoned or alone, I am unloved, unsafe, helpless or trapped, I am not good enough or bad, I am unseen or unheard or I don’t matter.’ I no longer feel any of these and I felt many.

So, if you purchase my memoir and then fear reading it, know it is your ego up to mischief. Not the ego we associate with vanity; the ego that protects us as children but can become overdeveloped and trap us as adults. It’s the loud voice in your head, which, unless checked, will speak to you in a way no other would be permitted.

Ego fears anything that could potentially hurt us. It will say, ‘Don’t read it’ or distract you from it with little words like ‘You’re too busy’ or ‘You’re too tired’ and so on. Mine was extremely clever at this, sometimes I would feel extremely ill before a session. But I would make myself go and then miraculously feel ok later, as I left transformed!

Gradually, layer by layer, its overprotection dropped.

Gradually, I found ego easier to circumnavigate.

Thank goodness I did because every step was worth it. Every layer removed revealed the reality of my core wound. The truth that it was small and healable. That I am safe without those barriers. In fact, I am calm and happy beyond the damage of her words.

💛✨

*Thanks for the analogy, Sophie!