Ep. 21: Doing The Inner Work with Amanda Ashworth

 

Unedited Transcript: Interview with Amanda Ashworth

00:00.84
katrinamcollier
Amanda Ashworth welcome to Beyond The Damage of Words podcast I’m so excited to have you here. Thank you for agreeing to come on. Oh you’re so welcome. Well it’s it’s such an honor that you stepped into the space as well because it’s you know we get talking. Don’t we and straight to it always so what led you into healing.

00:05.99
Amanda Ashworth
Ah, thank you for having me such an honor.

00:19.88
katrinamcollier
What created that journey into that space.

00:20.80
Amanda Ashworth
So it was very unintentional. Unintentional so I I’ve always liked to be a bit different and so about eight years ago I decided to start homeschooling and then from homeschooling allowed me to then start traveling and I remember about.

00:30.61
katrinamcollier
Ah.

00:32.89
katrinamcollier
Yes I remember that? yeah.

00:40.78
Amanda Ashworth
Five years ago being on a beach in India and just feeling I don’t think I realized how my faith would be lost in people and how much that trip had helled me in terms of restoring my faith but also how.

00:41.82
katrinamcollier
Okay.

00:48.15
katrinamcollier
And and.

00:56.25
Amanda Ashworth
That was the first time I think in my life I’d been truly contented in at peace with myself. Um, and that led me to so magical and definitely like Goa is my happy place and basically what I realized is I had been.

00:59.47
katrinamcollier
Yeah, it’s this magical country isn’t it. There’s something in the air. It’s just yeah yeah.

01:15.76
Amanda Ashworth
On a lifelong journey of just abuse with myself that it kind of so started in childhood and then I’d continued it. Nobody else had it was my own relationship with myself. Um, and yeah, and at that point I had one daughter I’ve now got 2

01:18.36
katrinamcollier
Moving. Yes, little voice.

01:34.48
Amanda Ashworth
Just going I Never want them to have this relationship with themselves that I have with myself and then from there we then went to had enough baby Covid hip and I was like do you know what? I’m going to I Just realized that to be the best version of myself I kept stopping myself.

01:34.89
katrinamcollier
Um.

01:37.84
katrinamcollier
Now.

01:46.80
katrinamcollier
Um, that um.

01:53.10
katrinamcollier
Yeah, so how were you doing that. How were you stopping yourself. Give us an example because I think it’s everywhere.

01:53.93
Amanda Ashworth
And this self-sabotage and this imposter syndrome and everything kept on coming in and so it seemed like the perfect time. So so I had yeah so I had quite a few limiting beliefs and at that point I didn’t really know what limiting beliefs.

02:10.44
katrinamcollier
And yeah, yeah.

02:10.74
Amanda Ashworth
And how how much they stemmed and how deep they stemmed and how anytime I wanted to move forward with something I would find a reason not to and I would talk myself out of it and I just didn’t. Even if things were going really really well for me I don’t think I truly believed I deserved it. Um, and it was just like I want to do this work and let’s just see where it went and I I started with a coach and quite quickly I realized that she was I didn’t know what I was looking for but I was like she’s not what I’m looking for.

02:29.22
katrinamcollier
Yeah I got that.

02:36.86
katrinamcollier
Um, and.

02:44.26
Amanda Ashworth
Um, and so moved on to another and as I’ve kind of moved through coaches and moved on through my journey I ended up finding people that even if I haven’t necessarily been ready for what they’re gonna say it like six months a year down the line something clicks and then I’m like okay.

02:50.95
katrinamcollier
Um.

03:00.57
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, it is amazing I have to congratulate you for changing sometimes people start with a professional and they think well I have to stay with that person. They feel this weird level of feeling.

03:03.13
Amanda Ashworth
Now I get it and that’s just part of going on my journey.

03:18.20
katrinamcollier
Commitment and actually if you don’t connect with the person if they’re not right for you, You’ve done exactly the right thing you go and move on and try something else and which I’m just really proud of you for doing that because it’s amazing. How often people stay. It’s like why it’s not working for you. Try someone else.

03:21.96
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, but I will say don’t.

03:30.53
Amanda Ashworth
But I also think if you’re truly evolving that person isn’t going to suit you further down so say like even with my clients now if they’re still with me in twelve months time I’m doing something wrong because they should be at a different place and their journey should be at a different place.

03:36.43
katrinamcollier
Ah, no, ah.

03:44.56
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

03:48.79
Amanda Ashworth
That what they’ll need at that point is different from what they’re going to need now. Um, and I just think you’re ever evolving. Um, and then you I think you kind of need. You know what you need at that point then going forward.

04:01.20
katrinamcollier
Yeah, so did you when did you first identify these limiting beliefs or how did someone explain it to you in such a way that you went. Ah.

04:06.89
Amanda Ashworth
I know I knew I knew that I had them and I think that so up until that point. Um I had what was it? Um I had a period of my head my Vf Yeah um, and then I had a miscarriage.

04:13.70
katrinamcollier
No.

04:22.10
katrinamcollier
And ah yeah.

04:23.19
Amanda Ashworth
And Ivf is a massive roller coastaer. Um, and you know so although it’d been successful. It got to the end and I had a miscarriage and it really hit me and so I needed some counseling after that because I was just like okay I just I’d just not okay, um, and that I sowed is.

04:33.68
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah I was brutal isn’t it I mean on top of the loss. You’ve got the hormone. It’s just it’s brutal. Yeah.

04:42.95
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, and that’s at that point that I probably realized that I didn’t manage my mental health very well. So I would go on these circles of I’m just like now I’m all about managing it.

04:50.28
katrinamcollier
And.

04:59.82
Amanda Ashworth
Um, and so I would overwhelm myself. Um I hadn’t I don’t think I’d taken the time to ever really identify what made me happy So I used to do things I thought would make me happy and then I’d be like that This isn’t what really yeah, used to. Well you know.

05:04.23
katrinamcollier
Um.

05:06.60
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

05:15.90
katrinamcollier
Wasn’t this meant to make me happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah Ru those are different. Yeah yeah, yeah.

05:17.58
Amanda Ashworth
Society you almost tick a box you tick this checklist and you get to the end of this checklist and you’re like no none of this is fulfilling me um because it wasn’t necessarily what you wanted in the first place it was what society was telling you you wanted and then you’re like actually.

05:32.57
katrinamcollier
Yeah, for website different boom.

05:34.43
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, what fills my cup. What see you know so making sure saying that now I know when my nervous system’s heightened I know when I need more rest I know when I I have a tendency to overwhelm myself so when not to overwhelm myself and yeah, just.

05:40.80
katrinamcollier
Man.

05:46.61
katrinamcollier
Yeah, and you learn this with the counselor that you first went to or.

05:53.58
Amanda Ashworth
Ah, no, the counselor gave me techniques to just how how to manage the grief and just that it was okay and and just to you know in the process and helping me manage the emotional side of it. But the coach that I was with um, really made me sit down and like firstly look at the evidence between.

05:59.70
katrinamcollier
Yeah, very much though.

06:12.52
Amanda Ashworth
Behind my limiting beliefs and really challenge them. So now I can almost see them in my mind coming and they always they it doesn’t matter how much work you do. They’re always gonna creep back in and so I kind of envisage it almost like a tennis like bat that I just bat them away that they’ve got no space there. But.

06:12.85
katrinamcollier
And.

06:20.15
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

06:31.48
Amanda Ashworth
I can recognize them might acknowledge them and then they’re gone. Um, but they still they still pop up. Yeah.

06:35.40
katrinamcollier
Yeah, so Michelle taught me the um evidence to the contrary. So like I ask you to be on stage and the inner voice pops up and goes oh my gosh you go do that and it’s like well isn’t that interesting. What about the time that I spoke on stage here here here and here and then it goes f.

06:49.42
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, exactly yeah and and this is the thing you will always and it’s having that insight to actually go back and go actually when did that first happen.

06:51.84
katrinamcollier
That one I love too when they went when it won’t bat away. But yeah.

07:03.67
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

07:04.88
Amanda Ashworth
Um, ah, most people so generally your’re limiting beliefs are form between the ages of 5 and 7 so most of the time you won’t even remember like what that first thing was um, but they have such a big impact on on what you can then go on to do.

07:08.82
katrinamcollier
Okay, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah. I’m going to I’m going to challenge your limiting belief though that they’ll always be there. They do really really reduce to something That’s so tiny though.

07:26.49
Amanda Ashworth
And do you know what? I think they get to such a the noise. So the only time I really hear a lot of noise is when I’m working is when I’m working out that is the own. Um, so yeah.

07:30.23
katrinamcollier
And.

07:38.61
katrinamcollier
Oh yeah, you can’t lose that it’s too heavy. Yeah yeah, ah what makes sense.

07:42.34
Amanda Ashworth
And that’s the only time that I would say that it impacts me now. But I think that’s why a lot of people are quite scared to be alone with their thoughts because the narrative and what they the stories they tell themselves and your head can be a pretty scary place if you.

07:55.70
katrinamcollier
And and particularly if we’ve had we’ve both had these traumatic childhoods so you really like you said you’re replaying the stuff that was said to you I didn’t realize it was that 5 to 7 that’s really interesting. You’re replaying it and you’re replaying it until you learn it.

08:01.85
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah.

08:14.53
katrinamcollier
To actually hear it so you can stop it. So.

08:15.24
Amanda Ashworth
But also knowing again once you’ve done the work. You know that your mind has a negative bias So you’re always going to look for evidence to support that narrative that you’re telling yourself and so something could be and this is where like by doing the healing journey.

08:24.36
katrinamcollier
Um, yes, yeah.

08:34.59
Amanda Ashworth
You learn so much. But then it gives you so many tools to go forward.

08:35.15
katrinamcollier
Um.

08:39.85
katrinamcollier
Yeah I wrote about that at the end of my memoir. Um, because it was like something had come up. Oh I don’t know hate shima see on polite Probably um, they always seemed to have an impact on me and how I was able to pull in.

08:49.37
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, yeah.

08:54.10
katrinamcollier
Ah, can’t remember what I wrote it’s really funny or it was applying for actually for my visa in India which also really weirdly got me all shaky and I’ve applied for thousands of them. It was really strange. But anyway it was like pulling in like you’re saying that toolkit. It’s so wonderful. Isn’t it when you can just go I’m going to use that and a little bit of that and and then you just calm.

09:04.41
Amanda Ashworth
No.

09:11.40
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah.

09:12.75
katrinamcollier
So did you find it scary to be so quiet initially or do you think you just did it like I default and goer. Yeah.

09:17.50
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, so so my third coach actually and she used to be a pt so I I done some boot camps with her and she’s very into um feminine masculine energy. So I very much verge on my masculine.

09:27.54
katrinamcollier
How just do? yeah yeah Warrior a.

09:35.16
Amanda Ashworth
So I’m always doing doing doing and then I really struggle like I used to struggle just to to be and so I would always distract myself by so so much and I used to be like but this makes me happy and this is what I do and this is.

09:51.38
katrinamcollier
Sure.

09:54.62
Amanda Ashworth
Um, and it and then to some extent it actually did and that is definitely where I’m in my element but I would always know when there was a huge like imbalance between my feminine and masculine and so recognizing that and making sure that I’m nurturing the feminine and actually in the last.

09:58.71
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

10:04.13
katrinamcollier
M.

10:10.23
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

10:13.62
Amanda Ashworth
Probably the last twelve months I’ve really come into it of making sure that you know that I’m very much about just being and like so now I do I honor my cycles and just taking this level of self-care whereas self-care used to always be the first thing that went out when I got busy now I’m like no.

10:15.54
katrinamcollier
M.

10:25.69
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

10:31.30
katrinamcollier
Course Yeah, it’s important. It’s really important. The rest is so important and that like and I think that when I get a bit frustrated is that self-care doesn’t mean a bubble bath like it’s proper.

10:33.52
Amanda Ashworth
Because I know the consequence of letting that go so important.

10:45.59
Amanda Ashworth
9

10:49.27
katrinamcollier
Sometimes a go bit frustraing like if I see one more sign that shows self-care is a bubble. Yeah um I I struggled to balance mine as well. That to get from that very masculine warrior energy to balance but it was so lovely when I did that as well I don’t think I’ve written about that though I think I’ve missed that out. Oops.

10:53.72
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah.

11:02.97
Amanda Ashworth
The site is a. Yeah, no, It’s so nice to actually kind of stop but also so then I went on one extreme when I went on my journey of all like self-development was a project for me and that was all I was consuming.

11:08.95
katrinamcollier
Good job. We’re having this conversation. Ah.

11:12.86
katrinamcollier
So.

11:18.87
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, um.

11:24.61
Amanda Ashworth
So I deliberately the beginning of this year set myself the task of at the beginning of the summer of like not listening to podcasts not listening to videos not listening to anything and just like learning to listen to me. Um, and.

11:30.30
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, how did it go? How was the first week that you did that we were like because I also think societally we’re pressured like.

11:43.25
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah.

11:45.95
katrinamcollier
Not to I mean isn’t there. There was definitely a trend on ticktock about like quiet walking or something bless these with So don’t understand how to just walk without having something plugged in their ears. So yeah.

11:49.91
Amanda Ashworth
Yet. My my 15 year old definitely doesn’t it doesn’t matter where we are He’s got a headphone in his ear like you would just say what you do, but I’m always used to doing 5 things at once and learning to just learning not to judge myself and learning what’s going to come out and just learning to just.

12:03.65
katrinamcollier
Right? So what was it like when you went in that week yeah

12:13.82
Amanda Ashworth
Listen and because I think especially um so my coaching business was quite new and it was like you have so much information going. Well you should be doing it this way and you should be doing it that way and I’m like actually do you know what? I should be taking my time to work out how I want to do it and not be influenced.

12:18.11
katrinamcollier
Exciting. Should you? Yeah yeah, yeah, that word should or I was picking up somebody on that earlier today should should you.

12:31.86
Amanda Ashworth
And that’s going to feel right? And yeah and it’s just learning because most of us should yeah.

12:43.67
katrinamcollier
You That’s a very heavy word. Ah.

12:46.77
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, you it is is that and also learning to know what’s ego and what’s intuition and that’s a really fine of just going. Okay, um, but key cookers again. Yeah mass Yeah massively um and then just.

12:53.27
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, and so is that happened in the last six months as you’ve deliberately. Yeah.

13:04.80
Amanda Ashworth
Myself in situations that are going to challenge me or take me out of my comfort zone but being aware of it and also I think now I come from everywhere that I don’t judge myself ever I’m always come from a place of kindness and so I’m just now a massive believer of where if you’d asked me on my journey.

13:11.78
katrinamcollier
Um.

13:13.95
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

13:23.67
Amanda Ashworth
Three years ago I would have said everything was external that needed happening and now the changes are all internal and it’s like you know and they’re going to just continue.

13:29.56
katrinamcollier
Ah, what? yeah yeah, it is. It is totally internal now Asbra on the judgment word. We had a really interesting conversation before we hit the record button about coaches and therapists and actually you had a judgy therapist So you.

13:43.94
Amanda Ashworth
I did yeah so when I was.

13:47.80
katrinamcollier
The difference between the two because I off I actually think I though Michelle has a bucket ton of tools I think she’s much more on the coaching side. So I’m not sure I’ve had traditional therapy at any point. So I’d be curious your experience. Yeah.

13:56.67
Amanda Ashworth
Okay, so so when I was doing my and my valley training last year my mentor talked about and that everybody needed a coach and a therapist. So I at that point was up the event I was like oh I don’t think I need 1

14:07.79
katrinamcollier
Okay.

14:13.16
Amanda Ashworth
I was like do you know what? I don’t have anything to lose. Let let’s go through this journey and let’s just see and let’s see the difference. Um, and I picked lady who um, she it was interesting because culturally we were very different. Um, but I was.

14:16.49
katrinamcollier
Let’s try. Yeah, um.

14:26.62
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

14:31.42
Amanda Ashworth
Finding it like hard when clients were crying that I felt that honored that they could cry in front of me. But I realized I wasn’t necessarily as good as being as vulnerable as I was asking wanting them to be so um.

14:42.35
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

14:46.91
Amanda Ashworth
I picked and this therapist and the difference between therapy and coaching is therapy looks back coaching looks forward so you might briefly coaching touch on somebody’s past, but it’s more about taking action than kind of discussing the past a lot.

14:52.40
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah, right? And that case Michelle has got to.

15:04.65
Amanda Ashworth
So you might need to like go back just to yeah to go back? Um, but basically this this therapist what she actually did one of the lessons I learned from her was because she was quite judgy.

15:07.89
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

15:19.51
katrinamcollier
Ah.

15:19.77
Amanda Ashworth
It allowed me to work through the process of when somebody when I’m feeling judged of not to get my backup and and that was an interesting one.

15:26.64
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah I know and you think why is she judging you. You meant to be able to be vulnerable and say like I feel this so I’m experiencing this and not be judged that could.

15:38.52
Amanda Ashworth
But then I think and you would be surprised so me and my partner when we were going through ivf. Actually we saw a relationship counselor and this relationship counsellor and obviously as a counsellor or a therapist. You’re not meant to have um.

15:43.00
katrinamcollier
Lighting.

15:48.62
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

15:53.70
katrinamcollier
An opinion. Yeah course 2

15:56.41
Amanda Ashworth
And opinion or like a biased or anything like that or bring that into your work and she was very anti Iv Yeah, and she let this be known every good as and I was like yeah okay, she’s the wrong person. But so say some therapist would say that yeah I was.

16:12.78
katrinamcollier
I’m sorry what the hell. Ah.

16:16.38
Amanda Ashworth
Like okay this isn’t you know it’s not something that at the moment although we went on to have children Naturally at that point we felt like we were being told that we couldn’t so it’s like it’s not a choice. Um, but yeah, so that.

16:21.60
katrinamcollier
Oh.

16:32.22
katrinamcollier
Um, and ah I’ve no I have no words it’s I Just interesting.

16:34.78
Amanda Ashworth
But this is where I was saying to this particular therapy. Ah she had this therapist had a view on coaches because she didn’t necessarily feel that coaches were qualified enough to do it but I would question anybody that brings their their by bias into any.

16:44.70
katrinamcollier
M.

16:52.70
katrinamcollier
I know you I don’ know which is why I don’t do it by the way is why do mentoring instead because then I can just give my opinion I don’t have the patience I think coaching is such an art and I’ve had many coaches over the years

16:53.84
Amanda Ashworth
Coaching or therapy session because it’s not about you.

17:08.13
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, yeah.

17:10.89
katrinamcollier
And it’s such an R I Just don’t have the patience for it. It takes it takes patience doesn’t it.

17:13.18
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, well because you’re not meant to you’re not meant to again, you’re not meant to be with the problem solver and that’s that thing of that person has all the answers within and they know what they want to do and this is why I actually get really angry of coaches online that try to sell their life as their as the dream life.

17:19.90
katrinamcollier
Um, no yeah.

17:33.17
Amanda Ashworth
And I’m like what my dream life is is not what the next person’s dream Life is or the other person so you have to really take the time to work with someone for them to find out what they want in their life. Yeah yeah.

17:39.67
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah, that often hits me on my money values because I like love having a nice home and all that kind of stuff but I don’t want one of these big. Front homes with you know yachts and row. Oh you know what? I mean I’m I’m exaggerating, but it’s like I don’t want that live Lifestyle who’s going to clean it for starters. No not for me now I did see though amongst your notes you you went on a shamanic journey as Well. Didn’t you How did where did that fit in your process of.

17:53.56
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah.

18:05.16
Amanda Ashworth
I did so so I went to Bali in the summer which was kind of like a do the summer just gone. Yeah, so whole kind of eat pray love that as like proper.

18:10.76
katrinamcollier
Finding yourself? Yeah, just gone yes, Allie’s beautiful isn that um.

18:21.66
Amanda Ashworth
the the last twelve or eighteen months like my as I’ve explored feminine masculine I’ve gone very much into like energy and so I’m very much about almost setting myself personal challenges. So last this year I turned 40 and so I had a friend come out i.

18:28.85
katrinamcollier
Ah.

18:35.32
katrinamcollier
So possible. Yeah yeah, actually I wrote that on your Facebook I think I was in disbelief as well. I always picked you that you’re because we’ve known each other while haven’t we. So it’s like what which mean.

18:39.14
Amanda Ashworth
I had a friend come out to Dubai in January and who was very much living her. She left her husband home.

18:50.93
Amanda Ashworth
Yes, yeah, nice 40 Um, yes, so she came out and she you know her husband’s at home so she left her and lived her best single life here for a few weeks but I was just like I’m not 20 anymore and so I was like do you know I’m gonna give up help.

18:54.59
katrinamcollier
Umm, this side sure Anyway, sorry yeah, you would.

19:01.95
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

19:08.18
katrinamcollier
Ah, yeah, and and just sleep.

19:08.18
Amanda Ashworth
Cold until my birthday. So like five months of no alcohol and that really changed it changed my relationships it changed like like my hobbies, everything? um because I was like and my sleep and you know so much. But again. That was another situation where people judge you and you have to explain yourself and it’s just like okay I don’t know if it’s forever and it wasn’t forever but it did change my relationship but I was like I’m very much like I don’t want to put a label on the something like it’s like.

19:30.13
katrinamcollier
Ah, the don’t they Yeah yeah.

19:40.65
katrinamcollier
Yeah, well I there’s a lot of people go I’m so they’re sober or that you know and I just don’t drink Occasionally I will have a glass of bubbles right? occasionally and usually I’m like a halfway through it and I’m like oh my gosh because it’s gone straight to my head because I just.

19:45.82
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, yeah.

19:59.31
katrinamcollier
And I I stopped in twenty twenty I stopped as we came into Twenty Twenty which is a lot a lot of people have been spiritually awakening since the pandemic and and that’s hence the stopping drinking but you’re absolutely right this this whole like we’ll have what’s what’s almost like what’s wrong with you have a drink and it’s like but I don’t I don’t want to.

20:00.50
Amanda Ashworth
Okay, yeah.

20:16.99
katrinamcollier
I Feel now when I have one I feel awful. It’s it I feel so sick the next day because it’s just it’s poison and it’s like I don’t need it I don’t want to not interested. But I I hear what you’re saying the the play group pressure on this.

20:20.57
Amanda Ashworth
Um, yeah.

20:27.96
Amanda Ashworth
And well no, it’s It’s the only drug in the world that you actually have to defend not taking that it’s like well um so they like I love that there’s now this kind of curious Sobriot sobriety movement and the people are considering what life would be without it.

20:40.80
katrinamcollier
Yeah, um.

20:43.62
Amanda Ashworth
But moving to Dubai last summer everything is unlimited so the amount my alcohol kind of intake actually increased when we moved here and I was like do you know? what? Okay I I need I need a break and say then I could feel.

20:52.79
katrinamcollier
Dispatch Tool right? yeah.

21:01.53
Amanda Ashworth
Very much I I was more in aligned with um energy my vibrations and just wanting to live like a really high vibe life and you know no drama. No you know? and so when I went to Bali the summer I was like I’d always wanted.

21:03.57
katrinamcollier
And yeah.

21:17.28
Amanda Ashworth
To see a shaman and I was like but I think I was quite scared of what would be said um and she was incredible and this like the stuff that she knew and the stuff that she you know and I think I needed to hear it as well. Um.

21:18.98
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, and spread. Yeah.

21:29.30
katrinamcollier
And.

21:35.47
Amanda Ashworth
And so what I have learned is by trusting my intuition and listening to myself everything like even if hard stuff happens in my life I’m like this is happening for a reason. There’s a lesson that I need to learn. Um, but I just live my life very much like the universe has my back and I I know it has my back.

21:35.76
katrinamcollier
Um.

21:38.70
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

21:46.37
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

21:54.17
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, peace. Yeah yeah, and I think that you’ve almost glossed over the.

21:55.29
Amanda Ashworth
And then that’s just like gives me this like kind of confidence and just going you know the journey is going to go where it needs to go Um, and.

22:10.20
katrinamcollier
Really important part in there that you’ve realized is like you know when we do attract something in that’s a bit negative you know and a bit frustrating or whatever it is or even if it’s a complete total fucking Nightmare Oops I Don’t think I’ve sworn on this podcast before um, you’ve stopped and gone well isn’t that interesting like what’s that about what’s the lesson.

22:24.76
Amanda Ashworth
Um, yeah, yeah.

22:29.46
katrinamcollier
Ah, and you kind of thank the like Thank the universe for the lesson usually so please don’t send me another one I got it thanks but that I think learning to do that is really really important and I think a lot of people don’t get that the universal keep sending it until you get it.

22:35.20
Amanda Ashworth
But I what I I sit.

22:43.97
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, yeah, absolutely yeah yeah, but also if you don’t do the work. So if you don’t believe that you’re worthy of something you’re not going to get it and like i’ I’ve spoken a lot of my podcast about this about gratitude and so.

22:46.48
katrinamcollier
And so if you’re not getting them if you’re not taking that time to sit and go well this is interesting. What what’s brought this on. Um, yeah, um, yeah.

23:03.46
Amanda Ashworth
Dinner with my children. We all have to go around the table and say free things We’re grateful for from that day and but the amount of people that we’ve had come to dinner that can’t think of free things and I’m.

23:06.51
katrinamcollier
Yeah, that’s lovely.

23:16.97
katrinamcollier
I woke up in a really comfortable bed with a beautiful warm duvet over me with a dog waking me up. Ah, that says 3 before I’ve even started my day like it’s like appreciate I’ve got food in the fridge I’ve got lot I’ve got electricity I’ve got a flashing lo I like yeah I doesn’t.

23:22.96
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, yeah.

23:32.96
Amanda Ashworth
But if you can’t appreciate what you have You can’t really expect the universe to send you more? um and that’s and that’s my view on it and so that’s where I’ve like it’s really led me to spiritually.

23:34.20
katrinamcollier
Gosh Wow That’s sad. No no, no yeah.

23:47.83
Amanda Ashworth
Kind of go and I know we were talking before the podcast and I um I was kind of touching on my childhood and that you know a lot of my limiting beliefs came from ah you know I had my my mom was just very very very troubled and you know she she led a very difficult life.

23:54.50
katrinamcollier
No, ah.

24:01.59
katrinamcollier
And. Yeah, yeah.

24:07.69
Amanda Ashworth
And um, and and the result of that was she spent all of her life seeking for something that she had there but she just couldn’t recognize it was there and yeah and you know so in the end she actually committed suicide when I was 21 and going through that.

24:14.90
katrinamcollier
To outside of the yeah.

24:22.12
katrinamcollier
And.

24:26.54
Amanda Ashworth
And it just really makes you appreciate life and but ah, nothing could have actually changed the course of her life. It was work. She needed to have done but didn’t have yeah didn’t have the tools or didn’t have the.

24:35.92
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, and she wasn’t prepared to.

24:43.30
katrinamcollier
That it’s it’s it takes a bit of is it gumption. It takes a bit doesn’t it to do the work I mean once you start you realize it’s a hell of a lot easier than you think it is but just to get to that point of going.

24:43.30
Amanda Ashworth
Um, and so like now I just feel really blessed.

25:00.53
katrinamcollier
Don’t feel great I’m going to bring a coach I’m going to bring a therapist I’m gonna that can be really scary for people a lot of the reason I’ve written the memoir is because my own sister won’t do the work. She’s terrified of of healing and I can’t can’t help I can’t help her but I’ve written it thinking if I write out my experience and what.

25:08.60
Amanda Ashworth
But you can’t in this is but this is the thing It’s somebody else’s journey so you know.

25:20.23
katrinamcollier
I went through and hence of course I’ve got this podcast you know people coming on and talking about the things that they’ve done and how they feel it’s like demystifying it so that therefore someone might just hear it and go do you know what? I’m going to make that call I am going to take that step. But.

25:26.26
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah.

25:34.40
Amanda Ashworth
But you know what’s quite interesting say me.

25:35.95
katrinamcollier
You’re right? It’s like you can you can lead a horse you can lead a horse to water. You can’t make it drink so it’s like your your mom my mom then it they are never going to do the work. Yeah Mark didn’t yeah yeah.

25:41.60
Amanda Ashworth
No, But what’s quite interesting with my sisters. We were different ages so we remembered my mom very differently but the pain is still with my sister and so I wish she would do the work but it’s her journey. But what’s actually quite incredible about it is she will actually say.

25:54.68
katrinamcollier
Yeah I have got that.

26:01.30
Amanda Ashworth
That my development and where I am now is down to my partner that when I last saw her when she came to Dubai she said, but you’re so confident you’re so confident because of him and I’m just like no I’m so confident because of the work that I’ve done and and you also would be.

26:09.89
katrinamcollier
Adds.

26:13.84
katrinamcollier
No yeah, yeah I Totally agree with that I mean I two childhood trauma kids My marriage was always going to break down.

26:21.11
Amanda Ashworth
If you did that work. But it’s for her to do it not for me.

26:31.66
katrinamcollier
But I was reliant on him for my self-esteem and you can’t you have to create your own self-esteem and it’s like it’s just a worst thing in the world. You cannot rely it. It takes the self-work. It takes that healing that that.

26:32.77
Amanda Ashworth
Oh you, you have to.

26:43.35
Amanda Ashworth
A bit also takes so I grew up in a very chaotic environment and like my sister has repeated that and I broke that cycle but it’s you know there are still triggers and they’re still you know.

26:53.18
katrinamcollier
Um, well that was moving.

26:59.39
Amanda Ashworth
So I know and this is then this is where her is crazy because the work has never done. So for example I think I like my birthday it comes around to my birthday and then it triggers me every year and it’s its it doesn’t matter what anyone else does it’s is’s always gonna be there. Um, so you know I just need to like.

27:03.76
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

27:10.63
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

27:19.00
Amanda Ashworth
Learn to manage it and like make it go away. Um, but learning to be vulnerable as well When you’ve learned to be really independent. You’ve learned to have your wos up is really tough. Yeah, but learning to that in order to be in a healthy relationship that relationship.

27:24.47
katrinamcollier
Yeah, you’ve learnt to survive. Yeah.

27:35.73
katrinamcollier
Yes.

27:37.98
Amanda Ashworth
Needs to be a partnership and that’s going to be good bads. You know it’s not always going to feel comfortable learning to you know, um in my early twenty s my answer to everything was just to run away from problems. Well you know you know move house cut my hair get changed get a different job you you know.

27:53.35
katrinamcollier
Um, can’t do that when can’t do that when you’re married with 2 children. Ah no.

27:57.35
Amanda Ashworth
No, not at all and you know so I’ve got very comfortable now with stability which I don’t but again possibly you know fifteen years ago I didn’t feel that I deserved it and I felt like it was everyone else had it.

28:03.71
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

28:09.67
katrinamcollier
No yes button. No, but as you found the worth and you started doing the work and then realized it was possible then.

28:16.76
Amanda Ashworth
And it wasn’t ever anything that I was going to have.

28:26.66
Amanda Ashworth
Um, yeah, yeah, and.

28:27.76
katrinamcollier
And there is there is that beautiful. It’s funny because the vulnerability piece comes up a lot and a lot of but usually as female survivors ah to me like I can’t be vulnerable. It’s like but this is strengthened being vulnerable and it’s It’s so lovely when you just.

28:40.10
Amanda Ashworth
No.

28:45.35
katrinamcollier
Like I notice it weirdly when I sort of probably show it the most to something I don’t actually think is being vulnerable but I’ll be onstage I’ll have just spoken about something and somebody in the audience will ask me something completely not related to the topic happens every time and I’m like I don’t know so I go I don’t know just anyone in the audience know. And that’s being totally vulnerable. A lot of people would bla their way through it. You know and and try and pretend they know and it’s like it’s never bothered me doing that. But there’s that you know that in itself is like 1 example that I can think of but it’s just people actually go ah you were so cool. The way you handle that I’m like oh I didn’t know the answer. So I said I didn’t know the answer.

29:06.60
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah.

29:21.21
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, and I think just shows on honest day.

29:23.90
katrinamcollier
But there’s that honesty and yeah and it’s actually it’s funny because people really value it. They really go Oh God you’re so strong because you’re so vulnerable and it’s like almost the opposite when you’re strong to survive you think I can’t be vulnerable and yet people go. It’s such a strength in you. It’s fascinating. That’s one of but.

29:31.49
Amanda Ashworth
But I think.

29:38.91
Amanda Ashworth
But I will say think but I also think there’s still a lot of stigma to coaching and to to getting it help and so even when I first you know when I um engaged my first coach mop three and a half years ago there were people like that didn’t understand it that were like.

29:41.69
katrinamcollier
Parts of my Journey. So. Um, yeah, yeah.

29:53.30
katrinamcollier
Oh. No yeah.

29:58.77
Amanda Ashworth
You know, um, is is almost this alternative Hippie You know oh kind of you know what’s she doing now kind of and I’m like and people just don’t get it so like even if I’ve recommended like a coach and people are like and because there’s say for example, my partner when he is. He’s he’s gone through coaching now.

30:02.83
katrinamcollier
Wow.

30:16.69
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

30:18.37
Amanda Ashworth
And now a hundred percent gets it and it’s worth but there was a sense of masculinity to it and it was like he felt at the point. Well there’s nothing. There’s like and I was like I’m not saying there’s anything wrong. But I’m just saying you know like you’ve seen the development in me are you.

30:28.30
katrinamcollier
And.

30:36.13
katrinamcollier
Um.

30:36.71
Amanda Ashworth
Giving like you 100% being what you want to be you living your true self. Are you living all of this and there’s so many different things. Yeah that you can you can explore but also now as a parent I also feel like I owe it to my children to to do the work because that’s going to impact them.

30:39.81
katrinamcollier
Yeah, can you hear your intuition.

30:50.65
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah.

30:56.11
Amanda Ashworth
Um, so like me and my 15 year old we have a great relationship and that very opening and talking about and I don’t want him to hide things from me and you know I want him to be able to speak to me but my 6 year old she’s particularly emotional and like she she.

30:59.52
katrinamcollier
M.

31:12.45
Amanda Ashworth
She’s very highly sensitive So whether or not she’s excited. Sad happy. You know it but like helping her understand how she feels and what she needs. You know it’s not just kind of yeah yeah.

31:15.17
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah, you know it you know he just pays genetic. So.

31:27.60
katrinamcollier
It’s you or your husband 1 of you? Oh yeah, no no believe me, there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s actually 1 in 5 1 in 6 people I’m one of those so I can smell stuff hear stuff feel stuff that you know others can’t heal.

31:28.94
Amanda Ashworth
No, so she’s she’s no see. She’s not like diagnosed but she just is like very sensitive. Yeah yeah.

31:42.63
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah.

31:44.79
katrinamcollier
Um, I know people that are very much on the taste like everything has to be super super strong. Um, but it’s 1 in five six people and it’s that that beautiful emotion. It’s lovely. Um.

31:50.65
Amanda Ashworth
But then even even with her working but working through with her of some of actually her emotions were learned emotions like some of her meltdowns were learned because we would try to.

32:01.11
katrinamcollier
Oh interesting.

32:06.74
Amanda Ashworth
Toify it because in a situation where you’ve got people judging you and like you know you’re just like Okay, how do I get this meltdown to go away. But yeah, but getting her to actually go Okay, actually.

32:11.27
katrinamcollier
Yeah, and and stop it to melt him down in the supermark. Ah.

32:21.94
Amanda Ashworth
Um, so now she’s rewarded for like or recognize for calming herself down rather than me calming her down that she’s just taken some time and she’s just braved and you know then and then she feels fine. Ah, but like learning to like not many people like and I talk about this a lot.

32:24.70
katrinamcollier
Um.

32:28.99
katrinamcollier
Um I love that and that’s amazing. Yeah.

32:41.32
Amanda Ashworth
That we’ve just got used to generally feeling quite crappy knife that you know whether or not it’s the food that we eat whether or not it’s the rest that we get our environment our use of social media like most of us don’t know what it feels to just feel really well and happy and good and.

32:43.96
katrinamcollier
Martin.

32:55.63
katrinamcollier
Good. Yeah.

33:00.64
Amanda Ashworth
And so this is where like learning that you know when you do feel dysregulated when there’s an imbalance in your hormones or you know we ignore that and and this is where illnesses come into play you know.

33:09.63
katrinamcollier
Um, this help. Yes.

33:17.20
Amanda Ashworth
If you look at the rise of anti-inflammatory diseases if you don’t do that in a work. Um, have you read the body keep score. It’s like 1 of my favorite.

33:20.56
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah, well no I’m I’ve read it didnt start with you. But yeah now I’ve written I’ve written about how the trauma showed in my body.

33:33.94
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

33:35.88
katrinamcollier
And how my father suppressed his anger and got heart disease and that’s one of the signs is suppressing Anger gives heart disease and it was like this is exactly what happened to him It was like well that book’s amazing. You do? yeah.

33:42.99
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, and so that combination of just going you owe it to yourself to do to do that work because and it’s not as I say you have to go back and because you can’t you can’t change it and you don’t have to relive it and you know.

33:54.83
katrinamcollier
No yeah I’ve had a few guests who haven’t I think it I think it depends I think it depends so I did I did in a way but I always went forward.

34:01.70
Amanda Ashworth
You have power. Yeah, you have power? yeah.

34:12.32
katrinamcollier
And you have it needed to and I think it just depends I think it’s almost like we’ve been talking about just how individual everybody is if that makes sense.

34:18.38
Amanda Ashworth
Well, um, we um we um, touched on this earlier. So um, a lady called Marissa appear she has tell yourself a better lie and so with me with my mom I learn so and I do this with a lot of things now I play around with a narrative and half of.

34:24.65
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah I Love that.

34:32.41
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, um for sure.

34:36.17
Amanda Ashworth
What you actually tell yourself isn’t true anyway. Um, and so you know so with my mom I Just told myself the narrative that actually she was troubled. She did the best job that she could and from that you know that sits right.

34:48.32
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah, that energy you’re talking about you don’t hold in the energy around it. Ah, it helps. Yeah.

34:52.27
Amanda Ashworth
And so it’s about playing around with something until actually you don’t hold a negative emotion. You’re not going to get triggered by it. Yeah yeah, and just going. Okay, do you know what? I’m at peace that I can’t.

35:05.86
katrinamcollier
Yeah, and I think that’s the important part whichever path. Someone takes is to get to that point where they’re at peace with it.

35:11.77
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, and I think you can’t look and this is what I will say that you know whether or not it’s a past relationship or something that at that I Just believe that everything in your life has happened for a reason and so that you know quite often people will ask you the question you know.

35:21.30
katrinamcollier
Un.

35:28.40
katrinamcollier
Um, ah.

35:30.72
Amanda Ashworth
Would you change anything and it’s like no because actually that would change who I am now and I really like that person.

35:36.41
katrinamcollier
Ah, oh I don’t know there’s a few things I’d nip in the Bud sooner. But anyway we’re we’re at time believe it or not.

35:43.36
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah.

35:47.10
katrinamcollier
If people want to get in touch with you to discuss more to hear about what you’re doing for your own coaching business. Where’s the best place and I’ll put a link obviously.

35:51.84
Amanda Ashworth
Yeah, um, yeah, so even my website which is amandaashwworth.com or on Instagram yeah, or I’m I’m on Instagram I’m Dubai travel momm.

36:00.64
katrinamcollier
Complicated one like mine. Ah.

36:05.75
katrinamcollier
Perfect I’m just writing that down. So well I make sure I link to it as well And thank you so much that was absolutely amazing conversation I Really appreciate it. Thanks oh, you’re so welcome.

36:13.77
Amanda Ashworth
On I Thank you having me.