Ep. 7: Pushing Through Cellophane with Thea Bardot

 

Unedited transcript of Thea Bardot’s Interview

00:00.84
katrinamcollier
Thea Bardot welcome to Beyond the Damage of Words podcast I am not going to repeat what you just said before we came live on air because oh my goodness my goodness. Um I am so excited to be the first person to be interviewing you as theobardo so excited.

00:08.38
Thea Bardot
And.

00:14.59
Thea Bardot
And I’m so excited to be here. How is it I mean how many years was it for war. Maybe.

00:19.70
katrinamcollier
I know ah, let’s not do that. Let’s not do every time. It’s like years since I last spoke to someone but the 2020 s they’re just like blinking yet. They feel really long at the same time. It’s very time is very strange.

00:36.21
Thea Bardot
Everyone.

00:38.21
katrinamcollier
Anyway, let’s get down to it I think it’s going to be dead obvious how you’re going to answer this question. But what led you into realizing that you needed to seek some help What what led to this point because obviously the podcast is all about getting beyond any of our Traumas neglect. Whatever issues stuff.

00:48.10
Thea Bardot
Yeah more well.

00:53.81
Thea Bardot
It it is and I’m so excited to be ah answering a question like this and listen there’s not 1 moment is that is the easy answer to that? Um, but there’s lots of little moments I think the the big realization for me when I started really doing the work.

01:07.59
katrinamcollier
Ah, yeah.

01:13.60
Thea Bardot
Um, was when my body started to kind of reject reject who I was it became so physical and people are I always tell the story people are like what your body just gave off and I was like yeah.

01:14.50
katrinamcollier
Ah.

01:20.42
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

01:31.20
Thea Bardot
I literally was told by the doctors that there was nothing medically wrong with me at all but my body was shutting down and that was pretty powerful. Um, and I didn’t yeah um, a hundred percent and

01:33.63
katrinamcollier
I. Wow They do call it disease as in Dis Ease don’t they if you’re in that.

01:50.89
Thea Bardot
I mean you stories like this like these sensationalized stories and you saying okay good for you and but mine has yeah, mine was kind of like a combination of Burnout I had um yeah, had to quit my job and I really.

01:56.38
katrinamcollier
Ah, and then you go through it.

02:08.81
Thea Bardot
My value of myself as a human being was linked directly to how successful I was on the career leather. Um, and I yeah outside of myself. But also I really cared about my image.

02:15.59
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, something outside of yourself.

02:26.93
Thea Bardot
And what other people thought of me and if I was liked and I very much was a projector I was a people pleaser. Um, yeah, that the I.

02:27.60
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah.

02:34.75
katrinamcollier
Yeah, oh the pke death to the people please. Ah.

02:42.37
Thea Bardot
Now of all the work I’ve done on myself that is the one that is the hardest to get away. You have to check yourself. Sometimes it’s like the power of know yeah understand and it’s just yeah, oh my gosh. What if someone.

02:48.33
katrinamcollier
Because as it. It’s an absolute sign of trauma or some kind of neglect. It literally is if you are a people pleaser. There is some issue that you need to deal with it’s.

03:01.58
Thea Bardot
If I say no to this or does anyway that the.

03:01.60
katrinamcollier
Yeah, well also because there’s the gaslighting that comes when you’re you’re being a people Las so my case it was I was being a people pleaser to appease the narcissist and of course the second I started trying to stick a boundary up your’re selfie sure this year? Yeah no I’m really not.

03:13.69
Thea Bardot
Um, ah I was I would that the s word is one of my biggest triggers ever. Um, but yeah I you can’t you can’t have a career and lick off yourself, you’re selfish. But if you don’t have a career and you look after others then you should probably be more selfish.

03:19.23
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

03:27.70
katrinamcollier
Um, and.

03:32.72
Thea Bardot
Can never win. You can never and win. But yeah I have this moment where the doctors were like um you should prop your your body’s kind of not loving whatever’s going on in your head. Um and it was but.

03:33.80
katrinamcollier
Um, ah you can never win.

03:43.14
katrinamcollier
But what did you say when they said your body is not loving what’s going on in your head I What are year gonna tell about it. Oh no.

03:50.34
Thea Bardot
I was like well what are you gonna do about it because the onus was not on me clearly I didn’t I didn’t have the issue obviously I’mwithing I’m thriving I’ve got a career I’m I’m smashing it like I’m physically fine.

04:05.97
katrinamcollier
The nio.

04:09.80
Thea Bardot
Denial denial denial denials. It’s so much easier isn’t it. It’s always it. Yeah, you do it give me a pill to put me back on the put it back in the workforce. Um, and that’s that’s often the thing that whenever I get hate towards who I are now is the ah it’s often people.

04:13.17
katrinamcollier
Isn’t it like can you fix me, please. Yeah, yeah.

04:26.21
katrinamcollier
Um, and.

04:27.71
Thea Bardot
I Represent binaries being broken I’m a Trans non-binary business leader friends who doesn’t know me um and I dress very fair I kind of exist in between traditional gender binaries and that to some people is so triggering.

04:30.29
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, um.

04:44.19
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

04:47.57
Thea Bardot
Because what I’m doing just by walking down the street and batting. My eyelashes is going I’m being everything that I want to be I’m not for conforming I’m not I’m not doing the things that you are told as a kid and as we both know a lot of people’s issues come from childhood. Um.

05:04.40
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, and.

05:07.22
Thea Bardot
I I represent the Ante of all of that and it really brings up this rage and people we don’t know where it comes from now I can walk down the street and see people physically shugger just by me existing which makes me makes me dress.

05:14.93
katrinamcollier
I Thought oh God Do you think it comes from a.

05:25.50
katrinamcollier
I’m trying to analyze this on the fly. Do you think it comes from like ah ah a it’s really odd the word I’m thinking is like a jealousy that you can be 100% comfortable in your skin and they’re really not so they’re projecting that lack of self- eseem and self- hate and.

05:39.16
Thea Bardot
Um, yeah, reject it’s rejection. Ah han.

05:44.57
katrinamcollier
All stuff I used to feel like I said before I came on that I was so judgmental and now I dislike people based on their behavior I Literally don’t care how they turn up if they treat me like shit they’re gone and I mean gone there’s no tolerance level in this human um anymore. But it’s do you think it’s that they walk around kind of going.

05:55.85
Thea Bardot
Yeah, yeah.

06:01.99
Thea Bardot
Yeah, and mostly know you’re fine. That’s how you do it you you drive move on. Yeah yeah, hundreds out but to kind of.

06:04.37
katrinamcollier
Like Wow look he’s like I’m sorry I just missed and Miss pronouned you but see they walks down the road fully comfortable in their skin.

06:20.85
Thea Bardot
Um’ not I’m not gonna make it like acceptable. But I’ll give you a night of like the journey that I’ve been on so that’s where everything started that the doctors going to your body shrank down probably do something about this at me going? No you do something? ah fastwood. Yeah.

06:25.18
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah.

06:35.88
katrinamcollier
Ah, yeah, pill Please So you’re still ignoring ignoring ignoring.

06:39.70
Thea Bardot
Fast forward 4 years down the line I’ve got my own recruiting business I’m not yeah but I’m I’m happy who am and the me setting up the business. My gender journey has been linked directly to that I am I allowed mar on now am I last.

06:53.61
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah I love that send journey. Yeah yeah.

06:59.17
Thea Bardot
Gonna drop gonna drop an fbu. What I realized recently she Yes, just why what? I realized recently was what my business is a big fuck you what just to the people that wrong me in the business world. It’s.

07:02.52
katrinamcollier
Any sensitive ears. Please shut them now. Ah.

07:12.24
katrinamcollier
Um, and I live.

07:17.62
Thea Bardot
Ah, big f you to the people that told me I should act a certain way and be this person that was their idea of who I should be not who I wanted to be. It’s an f you to the people at the tops of both the recruitment and the travel industry like basically saying that everyone should look talk and think like them.

07:24.41
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

07:37.33
Thea Bardot
And it’s an f you say that you can be who you want to be in a business and thrive and be awesome If you look off yourself. So that’s the difference.

07:37.87
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, um.

07:45.69
katrinamcollier
It You know it even without the gender fluidity. It is amazing. What they tell you your business should look like or could look like and all the way I’ve bent the rules and then you’ve just gone and gone and bent them even more. Love it.

08:00.98
Thea Bardot
Um, love it if and that’s why we get on because it’s just like it takes look I’m not gonna sit here and lie. It takes a lot of work which I know this podcast is out and it takes some really vulnerable moments.

08:05.39
katrinamcollier
But what.

08:12.83
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah, um, yeah.

08:14.54
Thea Bardot
Um, some moments where I’m not proud of how I’ve acted in certain moments and that self-reflection and that integrity and holding yourself accountable but also knowing that you’re going to FUpA few times and you’re going to choose the wrong way of handling something or the wrong way of doing something like.

08:30.77
katrinamcollier
Really.

08:32.59
Thea Bardot
I Think when I started looking at stuff as not I was always had a mindset of forwardforward forward up up up second I took a step back and when make mistakes be vulnerable. Be authentic as long as you lead with values and you’re doing stuff for a why and.

08:42.22
katrinamcollier
Um, yes, yeah, um.

08:51.38
Thea Bardot
Doing it because there’s certain things like especially in business our own personal life. There’s things that you know I’ll let that 1 slide like ah, that’s that’s movable within an it and there’s some stuff that I’m like categorically.

09:00.35
katrinamcollier
Um, and.

09:05.32
katrinamcollier
So yeah, okay I think Okay, yeah, yeah, oh my gosh.

09:07.55
Thea Bardot
I am not budging on that that is one of my core values. My bit of integrity and when I realized those 2 things and then started prioritizing me as a past and I’ve been able to change my name last week I’ve been able to see it’s like the clouds have.

09:22.81
katrinamcollier
Yeah, what you can’t hear I’m really sorry just can we I just pause for one second sorry.

09:26.50
Thea Bardot
Um, now.

Part 2 of Thea Bardot’s interview

00:00.68
katrinamcollier
Okay, with a minor interruption for my courier who cannot follow instructions. Ah.

00:06.23
Thea Bardot
Um, unnamed delivery service. My.

00:06.67
katrinamcollier
I know but I’m going to leave this in the podcast because I always think it’s like really human where we all go through this. What was that buzzing in the background. Oh my god.

00:13.60
Thea Bardot
I once during lockdown did an Instagram live and my friends got me a t-shirt because I lost my mind when I gave instructions to one of my family members to not come in and there’s this sound bite of me guide mom. I’m on an instant instant I not I ah locked out with great ti with this.

00:33.86
katrinamcollier
Love it. It’s got to be done low I know it was no so you said a minute ago that I really did want to dig back in. Is you said about mistakes and it’s funny how you’ve learn that they’re okay I think when they’re not okay is if you keep repeating them over and over and and so.

00:42.74
Thea Bardot
Yeah, yeah.

00:53.40
katrinamcollier
You made the mistake of um, hoping the doctors would help you four years later that what changed what made you reach out and get help what made you actually get in contact with someone.

00:55.44
Thea Bardot
Um, yeah.

01:01.63
Thea Bardot
So yeah I I mean 2 2 things here for anyone doesn’t know me I’ve got I’m diagnosed athd um I have gone dipped in and out of therapy throughout my life I’ve always suffered with depression and anxiety. But.

01:10.85
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

01:14.56
katrinamcollier
I I I.

01:18.66
Thea Bardot
Kind of manageable levels. Um, and I don’t I’ve never been like a take a pe and fix it kind of pass in. Um I remember I’ve probably six months into this this business I had this like it’s like a motor in my chest and.

01:23.24
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

01:36.36
Thea Bardot
I kind of lost not consciousness I was very there but I wasn’t someone else’s drive my body. Um and I left the house and I went and talked to this poor person in the co-op by my flat probably for about an hour

01:39.20
katrinamcollier
Yeah gotcha.

01:54.98
Thea Bardot
And then eventually the store manager came over and were like um, are you? Okay no I I I’m okay out and and that basically turns out to be um, my brain had taken on too much. Um.

02:00.13
katrinamcollier
And you went no.

02:10.42
katrinamcollier
But.

02:13.31
Thea Bardot
AdHd just came out. Um and I had yeah got diagnosed very quickly which is great but sometimes even getting diagnosed or knowing what the problem is is not. It’s the easiest part you then have to do the work doing the work is the key thing if anyone listening to this podcast you have to the work.

02:18.94
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, so who have you been doing. Who you doing the work with is it like a therapist or is it a coach is it a what? What have you found? That’s helped you because obviously there’s so much out there.

02:35.60
Thea Bardot
So 2 things so very much out there and the biggest thing for me is try things that work for you. Do not read. Do not just go. This is a one size fit or it’s like management. Yeah, it’s management and it’s like you can’t manage people as a block.

02:49.49
katrinamcollier
Still, Yeah yeah.

02:54.48
Thea Bardot
You have to individually assess what your needs are what others needs are your lifestyle everything. So I did a lot of research talk Saw a lot of people that said, get in an ice bar and um have cold showers and do deep breathing. No like that doesn’t like not for me Han. Thanks so much.

02:57.12
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

03:08.93
katrinamcollier
Yeah, no hello I do I I do have people who’ve been on this podcast who do like doing that and I just don’t that it’s exactly what you’re saying. It’s like find the thing for you.

03:14.90
Thea Bardot
Tried it.

03:21.46
Thea Bardot
Yeah, yeah, and listen I’ll be honest I’m still on that journey like the biggest thing for me was really learning I was trying to find the solution and it was I took a step and I was getting really frustrated because nothing was working and earth.

03:26.50
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

03:32.34
katrinamcollier
And.

03:38.41
katrinamcollier
But yeah.

03:41.33
Thea Bardot
Self-medicate and drugs alcohol is a lot you name it. We’ve all done at well we we all have but anyone podcast probably has. But yeah.

03:43.22
katrinamcollier
Yeah, numbing, numbing avoiding. Yeah, but it’s that and it’s you’re avoiding and I talk about this in my book which is about numbing like that. And and you can do it in lots of ways. I mean if you’ve seen the trauma tray you can exercise or you can have a food addiction or you can have a love addiction or a sex addiction like there’s so many different ways to numb. Yeah.

03:58.85
Thea Bardot
Um, that my gosh.

04:02.99
Thea Bardot
Um, you know done? Yeah one it. Oh I’ve been a 6 time like 6 times the week gym pass and I’ve done the healthy eating and I’ve done spirituality I’ve done the mindful earth I’ve done just one one fashionom that will not Fa it works people but 1

04:17.40
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah for some? yes.

04:21.69
Thea Bardot
1 obsession to the next which is Adhd in and it’s ah um, what? But for me was taking the step back and really writing stuff down I love writing I love reading or have that in this modern age. We don’t get to do as much as we want to? um.

04:30.84
katrinamcollier
Yes, yeah.

04:37.00
katrinamcollier
Enough? yeah.

04:39.44
Thea Bardot
My love old school a little book little town in the page of more little book. Mark lovely. Love a nice notebook I was the kid at school that was always the one that got really excited when we got to the end of the museum and we get to go to the gift shop or mere a gift shop. Love it.

04:55.25
katrinamcollier
Write books. Ah so you do you do you do you? free write? Do you have a system for you you I mean some call it journaling don’t they I call it venting. No I don’t do it.

04:57.48
Thea Bardot
Like that rina.

05:04.70
Thea Bardot
Yeah, look I can’t commit to a journaling and then I get annoyed but I can’t commit to date you writing down. So what I found that work for me now. Ah, it’s It’s the commitment I need something where I can dip in dip out but I feel accountable but I don’t feel rubbish if I haven’t done it.

05:12.24
katrinamcollier
Doesn’t work for me.

05:17.13
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, exactly.

05:21.64
Thea Bardot
Um, and what I do is to all 2 methods one is I’ll email myself something um to that. So then I can address it later for have time to do it. But I all end anyone that has add or anyone that has intrusive thoughts can little notebook around little pen or 1

05:27.77
katrinamcollier
Okay, like that. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah.

05:41.18
Thea Bardot
And just feel that feeling feel. It don’t deny yourself that feeling feel it live. Your feelings are valid um and then write down what you are feeling in that moment and what triggered it and over the course of a month a week a year

05:45.79
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah feel it yes.

05:53.28
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

05:58.36
Thea Bardot
You’re going to start seeing repetitive Behavior whether you want to see it or not that book is holding you accountable Af and I started seeing what my triggers were and I went. Okay, you’re an extroverted Introvert that has social anxiety.

06:01.90
katrinamcollier
Um, ah yeah, ah.

06:13.65
katrinamcollier
Ah, okay, yeah.

06:14.14
Thea Bardot
Anytime you’re going to an event or need to be present or seen you’re freaking out. Um, even though you’re the life and soul of the party to get them putting yourself through this hellscape. Um, you want to save everyone constantly, Um, you are trying to write the wrongs of people that wronged you.

06:22.70
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

06:33.15
Thea Bardot
When you can’t save everyone and actually you’re causing other people problems as much fine as of theirs.

06:38.60
katrinamcollier
So when did you realize that what you were saying in that thread was that you needed to save yourself.

06:46.96
Thea Bardot
I only probably realized that about a year ago um my might be. It’s been a lot. It’s been a lot and I don’t want to say it’s gone from like down on the floor to Rosie like I mean.

06:49.13
katrinamcollier
How has life changed since you realized.

07:02.92
katrinamcollier
Um, and.

07:03.39
Thea Bardot
So anyone that’s listeninged to the podcast that that doesn’t know me so I reintroduced myself to the world a week ago um asked thebarda I changed my name by Deepol and my friends had a lovely little name change party at the weekend which is so cool that is it was a 3 person event. Um, so you know its it’s glu.

07:13.51
katrinamcollier
Love to what and you didn’t invite me have read. Ah, ah you could have zoomed me in how wonderful.

07:24.54
Thea Bardot
Ah list. Ah, um, yeah, but even then like when I when I I didn’t plan on reintroduing myself to the world I didn’t tell my communication agency I Interrupt P I just have in terms social media and there was nothing done which is very unlike me because a lot of stuff is done.

07:32.69
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

07:41.64
Thea Bardot
But marketing or brand. Whatever and I did this and I felt so happy it just felt right? Um I’d been sitting on the name for a while but I was becoming increasingly annoyed about wanting to be seen. We’re not being able to be seen.

07:42.93
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

07:47.30
katrinamcollier
I Mean yeah.

07:58.43
katrinamcollier
Go ahead.

07:59.99
Thea Bardot
And then ironically the last week is probably even the hardest week of this journey that I’ve been on. Um as a transcom biary person because so all this time annoyed that people are mis gendering me or just think I’m doing this retention or there’s like so much rubbish thrown at in then.

08:14.30
katrinamcollier
Um, ah yeah I.

08:18.11
Thea Bardot
And although it was on this journey I Still never felt like I belonged um one that I always said to my therapist was and I’m on H R T by the way which is hormone replacement therapy and because I’ve always said there’s an element of spirituality. There’s an element of like mindfulness. But it’s also science involved in a lot.

08:25.31
katrinamcollier
Who yeah.

08:36.16
katrinamcollier
Ah, yeah, plus.

08:39.68
Thea Bardot
This and it always felt like my brain and my body were 2 different entities and no matter how hard I tried my brain was lacking something um not I q before anyone says um I very my brain was lacking something. No.

08:41.56
katrinamcollier
Yeah. And here.

08:52.43
katrinamcollier
Ah, nobody listening to this would be that broode. Ah so what? how was the switch. So as your your estrogen progesterone. Yeah and how do how do you feel in your body know you that you’ve.

08:57.95
Thea Bardot
I But and I was like I did some moon. Yeah so I’m on Estrogen moment. Um, starting progesterone next week which is really exciting and.

09:10.50
katrinamcollier
Got this hormone that you’ve obviously been craving.

09:10.35
Thea Bardot
Now this was it right? So I started doing this on the 20th January and and I had no expectations in terms of body changing for me. It wasn’t that it was that I wanted to feel whole and present and I so i.

09:14.36
katrinamcollier
My.

09:23.34
katrinamcollier
Yeah, okay, okay, um, head therapist. Yeah.

09:28.99
Thea Bardot
Saying to my therapist I’ve got a gender therapist and a emotional therapist. Yeah, um, and I said to her I’ve always felt like I’ve been sat I could be having a conversation with you right now and I felt like there was cellaphane in front of my face I couldn’t push through.

09:41.80
katrinamcollier
M.

09:47.94
Thea Bardot
Felt like somebody else’s body was there and I was a spectator of my own life and and I took it. Yeah and I started taking estrogen and um, hormone blockers testosterone blockers and.

09:50.86
katrinamcollier
Um, got you? Wow Wow! That’s a beautiful way of putting it.

10:01.56
katrinamcollier
Yeah I hear.

10:04.53
Thea Bardot
I Felt rubbish for about month I was like this isn’t gonna work like I’m the one and you know he’s the little. Everyone’s shoulder starts going and then the changes start happening and it was like I could smell the world I could see it with different eyes I.

10:17.87
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

10:22.63
Thea Bardot
Like my emotions came through I’ve always like wanted to cry but could earn I just the well just felt softer. It just felt I just felt myself and as I’ve like I’m six months down the line now and I’ve started having these physical changes which is amazing and.

10:39.36
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

10:42.27
Thea Bardot
We’ve got some growth in areas that I didn’t know how I feel about I know I love and and that’s that’s what? Ah but with that delivery downstairs. That’s what was coming through what.

10:47.70
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah I still waiting for mine by the way. Um.

10:58.60
katrinamcollier
Ah, you know I’m gonna say something that I I didn’t plan to say so what I’m hearing you saying that and I think of the estrogen and the changes it’s having and then I think about how ridiculously ignorant some of the people are about gender Neutral toilets.

11:01.37
Thea Bardot
Love and.

11:11.76
Thea Bardot
Next.

11:13.70
katrinamcollier
Um, just like you’re so naive just look at what the hormones do please just Google what the hormones do I don’t even want to waste your energy talking about that. We just stop things. No and I just but I just like so what’s.

11:19.33
Thea Bardot
Really true. Thank not wasting my energy talking about that but or or you need to how or you need to do how awful that is or how ridiculous that is is look at the recentthink coverage of Trans womenming being but banned from chest.

11:33.28
katrinamcollier
Ah.

11:37.80
Thea Bardot
But of it. That’s that’s all I say just Google it if you go to what we’re talking about. But.

11:42.30
katrinamcollier
Um, from ches tournaments go so what’s next? what’s next. So yeah I mean obviously you did get to that point and you didn’t did you have trepid. You didn’t have trepidation when you finally just actually you sat in the Corp and you went I need help.

11:49.20
Thea Bardot
Now.

11:55.43
Thea Bardot
Yeah.

11:57.73
katrinamcollier
What about to people who hesitate what would you say to them because the whole point of this podcast is I think people get to the point they need know they need help but that 1 step like that actually calling someone phone a friend I should not find a friend find a specialist. Um, what.

12:03.82
Thea Bardot
Yeah, yeah, I yeah.

12:16.53
Thea Bardot
Yeah I mean I think the last thing I’ll say about being visible right? So I’ve I’ve gone I’ve gone this on this journey I’m now I’ve always been visible but I’ve never been visible as me I didn’t know I So all don’t know fully.

12:17.22
katrinamcollier
How’d you get through that.

12:22.19
katrinamcollier
Yeah, you’ve pushed through your cellify.

12:31.27
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yes, you didn’t finish your story about this last week by the way. No I want to hear it what happened make sure we I want to know I just realized.

12:35.74
Thea Bardot
Who Nearval day is gonna help you were good. You were good I know but we get yeah that won look look right? Your crush I most one out.

12:47.69
katrinamcollier
And you we’d go off in tangents. It’s hard to believe isn’t it. Ah.

12:53.37
Thea Bardot
Yeah, this last week has been. There has been so much to deal with because I felt so loved and so seen for the first time and then ironically wanted to do this and for.

12:59.23
katrinamcollier
Um, ah.

13:04.90
katrinamcollier
Um, and.

13:12.61
Thea Bardot
Under a rock and not be seen because I’ve been fighting whether like I knew or not to be this person and be who I am and then suddenly there’s just this outpouring of love and acceptance and again we go back to childhood trauma triggered.

13:16.33
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, yeah.

13:28.89
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, what do I do with that. What do I do with all this love what’s this am I worthy of receiving this love like what is this? love? Yeah yeah.

13:32.58
Thea Bardot
Um, I had to um, like I was almost like trying to find the hay. Um, and.

13:43.67
katrinamcollier
Ah, you you? ah you remind me of something Glenn Martin or is this to me because you really don’t like a compliment do you? You just might take it I’m like yeah no because it’s not that I don’t believe it as I probably do believe it. But it’s it’s I probably know like I feel really confident my skin I’ve done 12 years of work right? I’m very happy with who I am as a human.

13:49.52
Thea Bardot
Got by color.

14:03.11
katrinamcollier
Have my moments so trigger like you do, but it’s not believing the words because it was damaged by words. So when people so that would that it is hard and it’s very hard for someone who hasn’t been through emotional abuse or childhood abuse to understand that actually accepting. But full on abundance in any way shape or form. Actually you’re talking about love but it could be health. It could be money. It could be whatever it’s hard that is a journey in itself.

14:29.73
Thea Bardot
So hard. It’s so hard and it’s I have exact I think it’s your compliment No to plus on what you had ah struggle with massively is at again. This is my neurodiverse brain sometimes but understanding.

14:33.89
katrinamcollier
Yeah, you don’t really mean that to you? mm.

14:46.23
Thea Bardot
Norms with it when it comes to like birthdays or these things that you’re told or meant to celebrate and I’m like but why I haven’t done anything like I need I need to have done something for this attention like I don’t want this warranted and then yeah, my therapist was like.

14:47.58
katrinamcollier
A.

14:54.63
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah, ah.

15:01.98
Thea Bardot
Um, maybe you should just let people celebrate you because a birthday isn’t actually ironically for you. It’s for other people to celebrate you and I’m like I get caught and and that bit of advice actually is what got me through this last week because it wasn’t about me the problem I had wasn’t with me.

15:08.73
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

15:14.40
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

15:19.90
Thea Bardot
It was with people celebrating me and I was like well this is just who I am like I haven’t done any anything light and then I took me a while to get there. But yeah in terms of.

15:21.75
katrinamcollier
Why are they doing that? Yeah, interesting. Yeah, so that’s probably your area to focus on isn’t it as you go through the next stages is the you know why do I think I need to do something to be celebrated. Why do I need to do So this.

15:37.49
Thea Bardot
On yeah, course of where good if someone tries to come in very scary.

15:41.10
katrinamcollier
And it will have been planted Guarantees somebody said something at some point. So Anyway, we have we are I’m very conscious of your room and expiry. But that’s okay, but what? what are your thoughts like if someone’s listening to this and they’re like they’re not taking a step for whatever Reason. What’s your piece of advice to them. Like how do you feel Now, you’ve taken a step.

16:00.51
Thea Bardot
Yeah I guess the best bit of advice and these aren’t my words So I don’t want I don’t want to be quote on this I think I can’t remember I think it was Eliliot pay yeah in your book. Yes, your book I think it was Elliot page who is a trans.

16:10.44
katrinamcollier
Theobado said elate pages words. Ah.

16:19.33
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

16:19.85
Thea Bardot
Um, access activist. Um, and he was saying that a lot of the fear that we have about being seen is actually other people’s fear that’s projected onto us yet we as human beings carry that.

16:29.95
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

16:34.62
katrinamcollier
Yes, yeah, yeah, drop the bag. Yeah.

16:39.80
Thea Bardot
And you can start carrying that from childhood and you can carry it and that bag you put a rock in your bag that bag gets heavier and heavier and heavier before you know it, you’re carrying you don’t That’s not yours to carry put it down put it down and that’s why.

16:53.42
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

16:57.51
Thea Bardot
When I hear you talking about their Journeys they’re like I feel so much lighter I feel like it’s a weight off my shoulder and I’m a visual person when I took that backpack off and I posted it down the hill that I was walking up I when ah thank you, Thank you and I have to to this day.

17:00.19
katrinamcollier
Yes, yes.

17:06.60
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

17:15.80
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

17:16.61
Thea Bardot
Still go What is is it me talking is it my inner dialogue talking or is it some stuff that has been hardwired into my brain from childhood is it something I read? Yeah yeah, and.

17:20.43
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

17:26.21
katrinamcollier
Yeah, and which I’d like to rewire it doesn’t need to stay like that. Yeah is it someone else’s yeah yeah, yeah.

17:33.89
Thea Bardot
And is it a podcast is it something someone else said outbreak. You’re always looking out for these negative things and to find reasons to not working ourselves like it’s about changing your perception to going what if not what if not what if in a bad way. But what if in good way.

17:46.27
katrinamcollier
Ah.

17:51.10
katrinamcollier
Um, ah.

17:52.30
Thea Bardot
What if I looked inside. Yeah, it’s going to be a bit of a struggle and there’s going to be tears that what if you realize that the thing that you are sat here listening to this podcast now going I don’t like this about myself I’ve been told by people is the thing That’s the chip on your shoulder.

17:55.64
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

18:02.98
katrinamcollier
Oh.

18:11.89
Thea Bardot
That thing that you’re thinking of right now listening to this. It might not be yours but also it might be the thing that makes you bloody amazing. It might be that thing that if you open that war up and you change your perception and you look inwards at yourself.

18:12.28
katrinamcollier
Um, mightn’t be yours.

18:22.52
katrinamcollier
Um, yes, um, yeah, yeah.

18:30.63
Thea Bardot
That thing that you are so insecure about right now could be your superpower. It could be the thing that if you go and ask your friends like and this is a great technique by the way if you want to know people’s perception of you and they want and you need some love go and ask three friends.

18:42.66
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

18:45.55
katrinamcollier
Yeah.

18:49.30
Thea Bardot
To write down all the things they like about you and see what they come back with that’s the first step to being vulnerable. It’s what it’s one of the things I did um and guarantee they all say the thing that you’ve got in your head right now that you think is the worst thing about you or the thing that you need to change guarantee.

18:54.32
katrinamcollier
Yes, yes, love that.

19:08.14
katrinamcollier
Um, amazing.

19:09.19
Thea Bardot
That would be that was if anyone’s struggling that little tip I gave that would be the first thing I would say go and do and if you are going to always always make sure you’re in a safe space. You might not be able to be who you are from a safe perspective.

19:13.16
katrinamcollier
All of that.

19:20.30
katrinamcollier
Yeah, yeah.

19:27.32
katrinamcollier
Yes.

19:27.34
Thea Bardot
Whether the country you’re in the environment right in I think it’s so important people always preach go do this live your life for your journey. Some people that’s privilege and I recognize my privilege we have privilege I recognize that um, make sure that that you are safe to be able to make these decisions. Um.

19:33.74
katrinamcollier
It it we have privilege. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

19:46.83
Thea Bardot
Or you’re in a safe mental capacity to be able to do that seek out help both from Community Community will always be that like the Trans community for me is ah ah like I’ve met met these amazing people that some of them I’ve not even met in real life.

19:49.84
katrinamcollier
Headspace Yeah let’slutch good advice. Um, yeah.

20:01.30
katrinamcollier
Yeah, it’s it’s finding your tribe isn’t it that I’ve been through similar that can help you not to kick to hold you in the victim to.

20:06.11
Thea Bardot
And yet the kindness and the love and the empathy from people that it’s no judgment. Um, but also yeah, 1

20:19.72
katrinamcollier
To move you forward and to help you and support you and love you and that’s what you’re looking for mm.

20:22.97
Thea Bardot
Yeah, it’s the community. It’s or is this community. Um I think some more advice I would give is I’ve tried therapists um throughout my life and sometimes I thought I was a problem um because I’m like I can’t connect this person that choose your therapist.

20:38.29
katrinamcollier
Um, yes, yeah.

20:40.93
Thea Bardot
Like don’t be afraid to have a session with someone and go loves you that Absolutely not for me like people feel like they owe this debt to to getting the surface. It’s more important to spend time like finding the right therapist and it is defining right? manager or employee like.

20:46.19
katrinamcollier
Um, yeah.

20:54.67
katrinamcollier
Exactly? Yeah yeah I talk about that actually in my book as well with that. Um, it’s I mean referrals are a great way to find somebody but you’re absolutely right? They mightn’t resonate with you So well.

21:06.28
Thea Bardot
Um, yeah, yeah.

21:10.34
katrinamcollier
I Think that is the perfect note to end on. Thank you, You are so amazing. Oh sorry that was a compliment stay shit. Oh ah, your vulnerability and your openness there you go. That’s not about you. They’re about qualities of you. Um I just.

21:22.47
Thea Bardot
Um, I’ll take that one off.

21:25.91
Thea Bardot
Um, walk up.

21:29.26
katrinamcollier
Genuinely genuinely appreciated if people want to get in touch with you where is the best way to find you now what would you prefer? Yes, the are but and just I’m I’m saying it as many times as possible. It’s just I’m so excited to get to call you are your correct name.

21:35.48
Thea Bardot
On Linkedin Linkedin for sure. Um, so theater.

21:43.35
Thea Bardot
Yeah I don hear our day and this is this is an online exclusive. The first interview I’ve done Anthony Bar do ah.

21:49.77
katrinamcollier
Ah I know I’m so honored. Um, and also mention the podcast so that you don’t kind of go home who are you? ah oh that was incredible. Thank you so much.

21:56.20
Thea Bardot
Absolutely absolutely. A pleasure.